Sunday, September 26, 2010

The Plight of CWG: Even our Gods are nervous!

In their monthly appraisal with the executive members of the Heaven, the trinity asked the King of the Gods about the state of affairs in God's own country in the run-up to the CWG.

Lord Brahma: Mr. Indra, We have been hearing distressing news during our daily prayer review. Many of the executives involved in the preparation of the CWG have been blaming excessive rains as the culprit behind the slow construction work going on, floods in various parts of the country notwithstanding. If this goes on, we will have to order an external audit into the state of affairs at your office. Do you have anything to say in your defense?

Indra: Sir, with due respect, I would like to point to the fact that if I had not made it rain excessively in north India, there would have been a drought-like situation which coupled with the inflation would have made the life of the people miserable. Had that happened, then also, the earthlings would have blamed me! And it is a well documented fact that floods have been occurring due to the miserly attitude shown by the dam authorities to store water for producing electricity. They are stocking up for the better part of next year, and release large quantities at the last moment, thus, causing flood-like situations.
As for the CWG, it is unreasonable of them to expect dry days in the middle of the monsoon season! In fact, I believe they should have worked non-stop the previous year when it actually rained less.

Lord Brahma: And why did it rain less the previous year?

Indra: If the Trinity will kindly look at their Order-B6-432, you will find that you had announced the previous year as the Global warming awareness year, and asked all concerned authorities to act accordingly.

Lord Brahma: Oh yes, age hasn’t been kind to us. But still, have you found any solution to this problem?

Indra: Sir, we have started making a list of negligent officials and politicians, that we will give to Lord Vishnu, as and when he decides upon his next Avatar (looking expectantly)

Lord Vishnu: I am sorry Lord Indra, but I do not see that happening in the near future, The avatar is still in the planning stages, there is way too much work to be done, and since, the old magic tricks and shows of supernatural power are not possible in these times, not to mention the strict moral code for celebrities, it will be a while till the next avatar. I advise you to send your agents on Earth to collect evidence against corrupt officials instead. It becomes very difficult during their conviction here, with so many bail applications. Besides, these measures do not look after the present state of affairs...So, ensure that there are no more rains at least for the next ten days both in the construction area and the catchment areas of the concerned dams. Try and keep the weather pleasant, send some undercover agents from heaven, to make sure no more bridges go down at least during the ceremony, and yes, take care of any suspicious activity.

Lord Indra: Do I authorize the agents to use magic, if necessary?

Lord Vishnu: Of course Mr. Indra, how else do you expect the structures to hold!!

Lord Indra: As you wish, sir. On the security front, the “Cow Squad” had been equipped with the modern intelligence gathering apparatus, but the human authorities are adamant at keeping them away from the venues during the games in order to improve the aesthetics of the city. We are contemplating using pigeons for the same.

Lord Vishnu: Yes, hurry up with that.

Lord Shiva: But would it not make people suspicious if there are no hitches at all? The construction is after all sub-standard.

Lord Vishnu: The Indians are wishful dreamers. They won’t notice a thing. And those who do, will be kept under the wraps by the human authorities. I do not think any more glitches will go down well with the rest of the world.

Lord Brahma: That settles it then. End of the meeting. Do pass on to the agents that there will be extra perks for them on smooth functioning of the games.