Sunday, June 23, 2013

An open letter to Superman and General Zod

Dear Superman and General Zod,

Greetings from Earthlings.

For the past few days, we have been witness to your supernatural feats of strength which are, I admit, truly awe-inspiring. Many of us have in fact abandoned our usual sporting events in favor of watching the two of you jostle.

But we have been facing a small difficulty of sorts.

I have come to understand from hours of observing, that you really enjoy hurling each other around (even though both of you are well aware that it won't even scratch either one of you); in the process you smash through several buildings, cooling towers, gas stations and whatnot.

Par thoda khulli jagah dhoond k lado yaar!  Ye beech city mein hi kyun Hungama karne ka?(But find yourself someplace open for those fights; what's the point destroying our cities?)

Now, both of you are smart, intelligent aliens. We once had two guys who sorted out their battles in their minds and simply jumped to the conclusion (read Sherlock Homes and James Moriarty). You could always give those grey cells inside your heads some exercise.

If this can't work up your adrenaline enough, we have enough space for your playful jostles in the deserts of Sahara, the mountains of Himalayas, or the large expense of oceans. We could even reserve an entire continent for your epic battles (read Antartica)

If you want something even larger, you could always use the services of our natural satellite the Moon, we rarely go there and there's plenty of sunlight there as well.

You see unlike Kryptonians, we can't hurl things around just like that. We need cranes for lifting heavy stuff, and it costs big money and an incredible amount of labor on our part to build those structures.

In your blind rage sometimes you even hurl our artificial satellites, silently orbiting the planet, minding their own business, at each other! Now that's some sensitive equipment that takes years to design, build and put into space! 

Then again, as if destroying our cities wasn't enough, just in order to prove to us who's the bad guy among the two of you, and who's the good one; Must you drop us from great heights and then let the other one catch and save us? You must realize that there is nothing heroic or villainous about this; it's just very humiliating to us.

So next time you decide to play "Ringa Ringa Roses", please try and dodge our homes, offices, cars, trucks, power plants, gas filling stations, and if possible, us as well.

We shall be grateful for your restraint.

Best regards,
The Guy Who Generally Ends Up Beneath The Debris.

P.S. By the way, Huge Fan of the heat Vision!

Sunday, June 16, 2013

And the Spider Lives on...

The probable reason why this spider is still alive at our shared accommodation in Vadodara:

1. Someone at the house is hoping for the spider to "accidentally" fall inside a "carefully misplaced" beaker of  clandestinely obtained radioactive waste, which could serve as a precursor towards making said person into Spiderman (or lead to a violent death, which of course is not desirable but highly probable).

2. Someone at the house is waiting (or rather hoping) for this spider to grow into an Acromantula,  and then intends to follow said Spider-turned-acromantula as it makes its way to Aragog's den in the Forbidden Forest at Hogwarts (which supposedly serves as a great pilgrimage destination for all present and future acromantulas).

3. Someone in the house has been scheming to make an extraordinarily freaky status message out of the said spider.

4.Everyone at the said accomodation is too lazy/scared to take matters into their own hands.

I guess I don't have to elaborate on who the said person with such insanely weird schemes could possibly be...:P