Wednesday, May 21, 2014

The Power Of The Malfoys

The power he didn't have a freaking idea of: The Power of the Malfoys

Lucius Malfoy set in a comfy leather chair at the front of his desk inside his giant mansion, pouring over the Financial Reports of Malfoy Inc. for the last financial year.

"Hmmm..One Million galleons profit after taxes. Now, we give away 60,000 galleons to the Pure Blood Rights organization, 45000 to the Fudge for Minister campaign..".

"But father, why are you giving so much money to these pure blood activists? They can't do any good! Should not we be giving all of this gold to You Know Who instead who can actually do something good for Pure bloods?

"And risk spending the rest of my life rotting in Azkaban? Are you stupid, boy? And do you really think there is a vault at Gringotts in the name of Lord Voldemort?"

Draco shook his head weakly.

"The Pure Blood Rights organization and many others are just legible fronts for You Know Who to receive funds for his campaign. You Know Who is a nameless entity that exists at the fringes of the wizarding world. He is not recognized by the Ministry, he doesn't have civil rights or duties, no citizenship or social security. For all practical purposes, there is no Lord Voldemort. That's why he can do anything he wants. There is a difference you know. Anyone could kill him on the street and nobody will care. How can you kill someone who doesn't exist on paper. They can't do that with me or you, or even your Aunt Bellatrix."

"But he is so powerful! He can easily take over the whole world and then, he will reward us,"sweared Draco indignantly.

"He was powerful the last time too. In fact more powerful than he is now. What did he achieve? See, where it got him. Power means nothing. Life is all about money and continuity. If you have enough resources and you live long enough, there is no need for power. It is just a consequence of money."

"Then why do you support him?", asked Draco.

Because I have no other choice. The Malfoys have been supporting Pure blood hardliners since ages. Sometimes however, a person comes along who is a bit more violent. If we pull our hands away at that moment, we risk being ridiculed or even harmed by the new dark lord. So, we spend money on their campaigns and find ways to earn what we can through their influence.

"How could you possibly earn from you know who?", asked Draco disbelievingly.

"How do you think the next target of the Death Eaters is planned?" Lucius snapped; "Nothing happens randomly. It just happens that a certain potion manufacturer who also happens to be our primary competitor is suddenly attacked by the dark lord to send a message to the wizarding world, which creates a sudden scarcity, fuels prices, and allows us to profiteer. And may I remind you of the murder of the owner of Nimbus Sports by Death Eaters for allegedly making comments in favor of the Mudbloods, which for some unrelated reason is immediately bought by a Singaporean company in which Malfoy Recreations holds the majority stake! Things don't just happen!"

"But what will you do if by any chance, the dark lord is defeated?" asked Draco.

"Now that is an excellent question, son!", exclaimed Lucius. "If the dark lord wins, we shall indeed exert immense influence over the entire wizarding world. I may even become the next Minister of Magic. If he loses, I shall make a large donation to the ministry for reconstruction, and this money will in turn come back to us in multiples through Ministry contracts to Malfoy realty."

"Many Dark lords have come and gone, and many more are yet to come. But they either die through defeat or if they do win, they die out of boredom. Heroes like Potter and Dumbledore are too unambitious and careless to rule."

"The thing is, the result of this war doesn't matter to me any more. Whoever comes in power, my aim is for us to be the richest wizarding family in the whole of Britain and by extension the entire Europe. Malfoys, at the end of the day, are the only real constants in the wizarding world..."



Friday, May 16, 2014

The Power He Didn't Have A Freaking Idea Of-Part IV

The Desolation of Lord Voldemort

“Our slippery friend has betrayed us for the last time.”

Lord Voldemort hadn't really cared about public opinion until now. Usually a simple Crucio here, an off-hand Imperio there or the odd Avada Kedavara would do the trick. Nor had he had to worry about funds required to influence Ministry officials, buy out Vampire, Werewolf or Giant clans, monetarily compensating his rapidly expanding Death Eater Army or maintaining his Dark Lord Headquarters at the Malfoy Manor what with the generosity of Lucius Mallfoy looking to gain favor when his dear master came to power.

As he sat at the edge of a long abandoned, dilapidated East European town with his measly army of five death eaters, Lord Voldemort wondered how his fortunes changed so quickly.

Things happened fast overnight after news of his "fake" meeting with the muggle Dark lord Narendra Modi broke out. At first, it was just the token opposition of the Order members and half-blood activists.

But after Malfoy's interview, things changed quickly. Within two hours, two-thirds of his death eater army had either abandoned him or died at the end of his wand as he tried to discipline them. By noon, he had been labelled a fugitive by the Ministry of Magic, a first for any Dark Lord with a bounty of a Hundred Thousand Galleons for his head!

By evening, Lucius Malfoy had formed a political party intending to fight the upcoming elections for Minister of Magic!

“There is only one way I can regain my lost honor, and that I shall do by eliminating this muggle dark lord.”

"My Lord, I shall be more than happy to kill that stupid muggle. Just give me the orders", Bellatrix, ever so eager to indulge in physical violence stood up with eagerness.

"Unlike you, the dark lord is not a fool Bellatrix. Though he recognizes the tempt of such an attack, he realizes the enormous risk involved in such an endeavor. Not only does such an action risk exposing the wizarding world to the muggles, but this muggle is flanked by fifty gunmen. Before you could apparate and draw out your wand Bellatrix, you would be dead from their bullets. Our shield charms won't work on their ammunition."

Ah, Severus. Sometimes he wondered how come this man ended up as his flunky. It must be a severe lack of ambition. Or perhaps low self esteem. Extremely low self esteem actually. The guy is a bloody genius!

"Severus, my friend, you have been with me far too long. Yes, as much as the prospect of killing this dark lord excite me, I know that it is an adventure that we must avoid for now."


"I believe my lord, that you should go off to a far away place, and bide your time in anonymity until a suitable opportunity comes to strike again. I shall forever look out for you my Lord, but I feel now is not the time to wage a war," opined Severus.

And with those fateful words of Severus Snape began the Desolation of the Dark Lord.

They hunted him everywhere. From Africa, though the Himalayas, all the way to Siberia where the Dark Lord stood today, at the edge of a cliff ready to jump to his doom...

Only that doom won't come. There will only be pain from broken limbs...excruciating pain. For he could only be killed by Harry Potter alone, and the godforsaken kid had renounced all violence. The boy now eternally surrounded by a bevy of fangirls and packs of gold had turned Gandhi on him!

And in the process, he condemned the most feared Dark Lord on the planet to a miserable life worse than the death he once feared! In contrast, even that Muggle Dark Lord, the fake meeting with whom brought about his downfall was about to be crowned the Prime Minister of India!

A smile appeared on his cold face as he jumped. A loud shriek emanated through the isolated valley after a few seconds...

THE END

Wednesday, April 30, 2014

This is no rocket science!

I don't understand the Congress party's deep rooted aversion to Rocket Science...




I mean, a progressive party that ponders over poverty issues through the prism of extra-terrestrial escape velocities, should be embracing rocket science...

Even as the young congress worker glorifies Rocket science as some sort of an unattainable virtue, whose complexity continues to elude her;

She did succeed in breaking my delusions that governing a country or choosing a prime-ministerial candidate required knowledge of basic high school level physics...

After all, poverty alleviation is all about putting poor people on rockets and sending them into outer space in order to help them attain greater "heights", something I hadn't quite imagined in this context!


As the title says, this post is no rocket science :P

Demonizing Trump may turn him into a Messiah

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