The Incidental Criminal part II - The Universe

“Awww that’s so sweet. Hey, look at that small boy with the big racquet trying to kill the mosquitoes. He seems so innocent and cute. Tell you what I have decided, I won’t ever bite the little guy in my life. Hey, I am going closer just to play with him you know.

“Hi, there. See Martha he’s so cute. Oh dear, you can’t kill a mosquito with that...”

The little boy swung the racquet again and ...

Eeeeeennnnhhhhh

That was all the other mosquitoes heard as Ronda fell down, seemingly burnt. They must tell the chief about this latest gadget invented by the humans, as early as possible.

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He had never quite felt that way in the 27 hours of his life. There was a sense of liberation; it was both soothing and exciting at the same time. Nothing else in the world mattered. Maybe that’s what they said true love felt like, except that he was supposed to be having these feelings towards the female member of his species, not this glowing bright light. He was drawn towards it, mesmerised.

Eeeeeeeennnnnhhhhhhhhhh

He was at peace.

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The applied sciences department at Mosquit Institute of Technology is perhaps the foremost research institute in the world. Here a dedicated team of highly skilled mosquitoes work day and night inventing various innovative ways to counter the weapons that humans take months to conceptualise in a matter of one or two days, sometimes just a few hours.

You see, unlike what subsequent human populations have been led to believe by their scientists, mosquitoes are not “only” dependent on evolution as a means to fight their (humans’) inventions. Evolution takes months sometimes years in introducing a resistant species. Hence, the research labs.

Lead scientist, Dr. Stinger had seen a lot in the 38 hours of his life. But now near the end of his career, he finally had something to contribute to the society. This was his chance to be immortalised in the glorious history of Mosquit. If he could somehow pull it off, he would be an instant celebrity.

“Electrocution, that’s the latest the humans have thrown at us”, announced the Lead-scientist. “Now get to work. Jimmy, I want a report on the economic viability of applying electrical insulation to counter the Electric racquet. Ask the special ops to send an agent to get the specifications of the electric racquet.”

Just then, an orderly flew inside the meeting room and hurried towards the veteran doctor...

“Sir, King Monty has ordered a team to accelerate the production of gas masks and start distributing them to everyone...”

“King Monty is a fool", countered Stinger. “Gas masks are meant for protection against air-borne chemicals, they won’t work here. Ask him to let the professionals handle the job. I want absolutely no interference from the palace in this matter.”

"All right, Mandy, start testing various rubbers and plastics for the perfect material for insulation. Remember, this is not a theoretical exercise, so do not waste your time with higher molecular mass or poisonous plastics."

"Jack, tell the physics department to look into using water to neutralise these new devices and ask the Commander of the Special ops to meet me immediately with his finest agents. If all fails we need some strategy to damage the whole device using water."

“Ummm, sir, I think we can use Polaroids here to reduce the intensity of the bright light emitted by the Electric Bug Zapper that is incident on a mosquito’s eyes. This might be able to insensitize our eyes from the radiation...”

“Perfect, order a dozen eye shields with Polaroids. Start testing immediately. That may do the trick...”

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“Sir, the insulation has been tested. Subject was able to survive without losing balance mid-flight when we tried poly propylene. As for the Bug zappers, the Polaroids are working fine for the moment, though there are some issues with reduced sense of direction during the night due to decreased intensity of incident light.”

“Well, leave it at that. Even the humans can’t see in the dark so It doesn't really matter.Mission accomplished. Good work, team. It was an honour working with you.”

He finally heaved a sigh of relief. Another crisis averted.

The Incidental Criminal

He was sleeping when they came to get him. When he opened his eyes, he saw a very large bug putting away what seemed like a complex gun(like those in Men in Black) back in a case. Was he being kidnapped by aliens? He looked around. He seemed to be in his bedroom, only that the room and everything inside it seemed a lot bigger, or was it he who had become small? He looked closely on his handlers; they quite oddly seemed to look like....THUMP !!!

It seemed like an elaborate courthouse, like the ones in Ekta Kapur’s daily soaps. He was sitting handcuffed in a chair. On a pedestal was sitting an old looking bug (looked like a mosquito) surrounded by a host of other “official looking” mosquitoes. The mosquitoes were so big, that he could distinctly see each of their body parts, right from the needle like stinger to suck blood, to the patterns on their wings. How did the mosquitoes get so big? Or was it he who became so small? Hey that seemed familiar. So, he was not in a dream after all, the mosquitoes had shrunk him with that complex gun and brought him here. But why?

Judge: “Order in the court!!!”

“Mr. Payoj Gupta, you have been charged with the killing of 54 mosquitoes including 12 innocent males and 6 young mosquitoes within a space of just three days. Do you have anything to say in your defence?”

PG: “Excuse me sir, but you are a mosquito right?”

Judge: “Yes, mister, you can be sure of that.”

PG: “And you are some sort of a-a judge or something?”

Judge: “Yes, indeed, and now that I think of it, you could perhaps plead being delusional. So, do you plead guilty to the charges levelled against you or not?”

“Okay, I am indeed in a trial. Come on get a hold on yourself !”, he thought to himself.

PG: “I shall plead not guilty, sir, that is, your honour.”

He silently thanked his mother for subjecting him to Ekta Kapur’s soaps for so many years.

Prosecution: “Your honour, the man standing in front of us has been identified by 5 relevant mosquito authorities for going on a rampage, killing away unsuspecting mosquitoes well beyond the “allowable limit”. His crimes being numerous in number and heinous in nature naturally qualify the death sentence by a "female Anopheles" mosquito bite.”

PG: “Your honour, I would like to plead ignorance of laws against killing mosquitoes, and thus, innocence.”

Prosecution: “My lord, it is very clear and anonymously agreed in the human laws that crimes against any animate living being without provocation are punishable under law, and since every human is considered a literate in the human laws, he cannot claim ignorance of laws in this court.”

PG: “But your honour, I didn't kill said mosquitoes without provocation, the act was in self-defence.”

Prosecution: “And what harm pray tell, did you expect the mosquitoes would have caused you?”

PG: “My lord, apart from the physical discomfort and chances of infection in my blood, the emotional trauma and sleep deprivation caused as a result of mosquito bites should be a strong enough motive for me to take preventive measures.”

Judge: “The court agrees with the human’s logic.”

Prosecution: “Your honour, even if we accept the human’s apparent motives on their face value, is it not a bit extreme to kill away all prospective biters instead of perhaps using some other non-violent means? Does this not perhaps show a degree of contempt against the mosquitoes as a species on the human’s part?”

PG: “My Lord, the prosecution is suggesting that I wait for the mosquito, whom I know has a strong likelihood of biting me eventually, to bite me before I attempt to take any corrective measure, which in this case sadly was terminating the threat altogether.”

Prosecution: “But, My Lord, the act of killing male and young mosquitoes who posed no threat whatsoever to the human cannot be vindicated.”

PG: “Your Honour, I am deeply apologetic for killing off innocent mosquitoes while securing my habitat, but in my defence, I couldn't really differentiate between the two as with my eyesight, I can only differentiate mosquitoes from flies, not categorise them with their age and sex.”

Judge: “Hmmm...Does the prosecution have any further argument? “

“Okay, then. After much deliberation, the court has reached the conclusion, that even though it was not a deliberate act of commission on the part of the human as far as the mass-killings are concerned, the court cannot simply let the culprit free of all charges. So, as a prerogative for future trials of this nature, and in order to set an example both among the human and mosquito societies, the court orders that this human, Mr. Payoj Gupta, be bitten by the “expert biter mosquito” carrying a diluted protozoa solution multiple times immediately.”

“The court is adjourned. Next case, Rabid Longstring vs the Union of Mosquit.”

He was horrified. It was one thing when they bit him while he was hundreds of times larger than them, but this did not seem right. He closed his eyes as the sinister-looking mosquito approached. He silently laughed at that last thought. Only yesterday, there was nothing like a cheerful mosquito for him, let alone a sinister one. He braced himself for the inevitable.

And it bit.

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“What is that on my hand?”

THUMP

“Ah, another mosquito, I thought I had killed you all last night. “

Checks the Inbox in his mobile. Another bunk.

“All right then, Back to sleep it is !!!”

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Random Mosquito 247: Chief, the convict has eliminated the expert biter.

Chief: Hmmm...Maybe we underestimated the human’s reflexes. We need someone from the special ops in this case...Contact Agent Red alpha 4.

A Lesson in Morality

As a kid, one day I brought back home a 2 rupees coin I found on my way back from school. When I showed it to my mother, she promptly told me, that we should never pick up money lying around the road (in case the person to whom it belongs to comes back looking for it). “So, should I put it back where I found it?”, I asked my mother, and she said,”No, we shall donate it in the temple”.

Years later, while entering inside the examination hall for my end semester exams, I found a Rs.50 note lying on the floor outside the hall in the mechanical department. By instinct, I left it lying there, though there was a temptation to at least put it somewhere it doesn't get under people’s shoes.

After the exam was over, while getting out of the hall, I found the Rs.50 note lying there as it is. I do not know what took over me, but within seconds, the Rs.50 note was in my hand. I stood there looking stupid. Since, I was the last one out of the exam hall, there was no one in the corridor.

Leaving the money lying there didn't seem like a good idea. Three hours was a long enough time, if the owner were aware of this, he should have come looking for it much earlier. To add to that, there were chances that someone else would take it and unlike me, use it for themselves.

I could of course submit it in the department office. But how could I be sure of what the clerk would do with that money? Also, going to office to submit a 50 rupees note for “lost and found” seemed a bit cheesy.

So, my mother’s teaching came to mind. The temple, of course. I put the note in my pocket, and came out of the department. But on reaching the temple, I couldn't get myself to put it in the donation box. How could I be sure that the money would be used for a good purpose by the temple trust? After all, there is no dearth of corruption in India, and even if the temple authorities were not corrupt, I didn't want this money getting spent on buying new clothes for a stone statue.

I didn't give it to a beggar when I reached the bus stop, as I thought that the person, to whom I give this money, though needy, will become complacent and this act will serve as a further inspiration to continue with his/her current profession of begging.

That day, when I went to sleep at night, I was dogged with self-doubt. Had I become so selfish that I couldn't find one single way to use this money, for the welfare of anyone in need? If I had given it to any of the children begging on the roads (even though I knew that they probably were under the clutches of some mafia forcing them to beg), I would have ensured at least 3-4 kids wouldn't sleep on an empty stomach. No doubt I had a troubled sleep that night.

By the next day, when I woke up, I had worked out the best solution to the problem at hand. I would give this money to someone, perhaps a daily labourer working in one of the many constructions going on in the institute. So, I decided that I would slip the money near some construction site after the exam was over.

After the exam, as I came out of the department, I saw a group of labourers cementing bricks. Just then, another thought came to mind. What if the person who ends up with this money turns out an alcoholic or uses this to buy cigarettes and such. No, that would be completely wrong. I shall not be responsible for encouraging a person into wasting money in these habits.

Just then, I saw a group of female labourers at a distance, with small kids and a few babies all around, and I knew, then, where this money belonged. I realised that anyone in the world, including myself could use such stray money in a host of immoral or wasteful ways, but a mother will always look for the well-being of her kids before any personal comfort. As I passed the group, I discreetly put the 50 rupees note in one of the cribs carrying a baby.

I was finally at peace.

Random Musing: I wonder about the state of mind of the people who draft the budget, or deal with the taxpayer's money...Don't they get overwhelmed by the enormity of responsibility bestowed on them by the millions of taxpayers, or do they cackle in secret basking in their fortunes...If even a single person working in the UPA cabinet had a tenth of the conscience that an ordinary man on the street has, the country would have been saved from such agony...