The Incidental Criminal Part VI: The Common Enemy

General Iroh was not particularly fond of Mosquitoes. The only times when he did enjoy their company were those when they were being relished inside his mouth. He balked at the very thought of a summit with his counter-part from Mosquit. But then, that was what his Great King had thought fit. He would just have to control his appetite and try not to eat up the Mosquit General.

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Commander Lyca was not called the Ice Queen for no reason. She was known throughout the administration for her ruthless and cold attitude. The last time when the King Monty asked her to attend a summit with General Iroh, she could see even the King's legs shaking.

She shivered in rage at the very thought of the summit, begging around the Lizards for cooperation in the war. Not many knew but 4 members of her immediate family had been brutally murdered along with the rest of the colony under the command of this very general. She wanted revenge. But the interests of Mosquit far outweighed the horrors of her own past.

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The Summit

The two commanders along with their sub-ordinates looked on as the petite lizard addressed...

"Fellow Mosssquitosss and Lizzzzards; The purrrpose of this meeting is to enhance the Milllitary and Intelligenceee cooperation between our two empireees with regards to a common enemy, namely Payoj Gupta. Kiiindly be patient of the cultural and past differencees and focus on the agenda. The detaails shall be covered by Mr. Alex Longsting. The minutes of the meeting shall be recorded by the Mosquit Swepreme Court's Head Cleric Mr. Jim Biters."

Alex: (Clears his throat) ... "The agenda of this meeting is quite straight forward. Subdue and bring to justice, the notorious mass-murderer and our common enemy, Payoj Gupta."

"As is now widely known throughout the Ecosystem, the Mosquit nation has faced blow after blow in the past 1 week from this particular human, which includes killing of more than 50 mosquitoes within a short period of 40 minutes, as well as the deaths of some of our law enforcement mosquitoes, including the infamous Agent Red Alpha."

"It is in the backdrop of such grave incidents of provocation that endanger the very sovereignty of the Mosquit nation, that our King has approached our one time nemesis, the Lizards for assistance with handling this particular human and perhaps planning a Joint military Offensive for the same."

The Incidental Criminal Part V: King Monty the Sixth

“… a sad day indeed in the history of Mosquit. It remains to be seen how the Law Enforcement Department reacts to this sudden turn of events. Anonymous Sources from the Ministry tell us that even as we speak, a high-level meeting is underway in the Palace convened by the Prime Minister of Mosquit herself to decide on the future course of action.

In related news, King Monty the Sixth has expressed regret over the death of Agent Red Alpha; Terming his life as the epitome of courage and loyalty to the Mosquit nation, he has announced a National Mourning for 2 minutes in the Veteran agent’s honor …”

He pulled down his antennae and sighed. These had to be the darkest seconds of his 2 hour long rule. He stood up from his desk and flew around his magnificent office. This was perhaps the only place in the entire kingdom where he could move around of his own free will. Constantly surrounded by a web of special forces for his security, advisers, ministers, he had virtually forgotten the last time he had spent alone outside of this office.

There was a knock on the door. An orderly came inside. “Sir, the Head Cleric has prepared the final draft for your message to the nation regarding further course of action. I need you to sign and authorize the message”

“Very well”.

“Thank you, Your Highness.”

He looked at the portrait of his father, King Monty the Fifth.

He had never wanted to be a King. He still remembered the time he had tried explaining to his father, his passion for Zoology, expressly Lizard Sciences. Even as a larva, he had always been fascinated with the reptiles. His father and his advisers were aghast at the very thought of the crown prince studying the creatures who had constantly been at war with the Mosquit nation from the very beginnings of the Ecosystem.

His father had one day called him to this very room. He had said “It is the Destiny of the Dynasty, my boy. You cannot change what you were always meant to be. Tis already written. What is in your hand however, is what you make of this destiny, what fate you leave behind for your nation and your children.” His father had died the very next hour, and he had been crowned the King.

But things now were very different from his father’s times. The king’s stature had been reduced to a ceremonial position, where he only signed his messages to the nation, prepared by others, and passed orders, most of which he didn’t even understand, in the name of the King.

He was not allowed to go out into the public except for once a quarter hour for apparent security reasons.

The Kingdom was effectively being run by Ministers, Advisors, Generals, and other “well-wishers”, all of course in the name of the king. Their inflated egos and constant squabbles had made a mockery out of the largest Mosquito nation of the whole Ecosystem.

The Monarchy in Mosquit was dieing a slow death.

The common mosquitoes and the media had started terming him as the weakest King in Mosquit history, through no fault of his own. Or perhaps the fault had indeed been his. By not acting at the right time, by allowing “the professionals to handle the matters”, perhaps he had indeed made himself weak.

“What is in your hand however, is what you make of this destiny, what fate you leave behind for your nation and your children.”

His father’s words rang through his mind again. He must do something by himself. He could no longer let down his people through his inaction. But what should he do?

He remembered another of his father's teachings.

“The Enemy of your enemy, is your friend”.

Of course. How could all his strategists and ministers not think of this sooner. How could, He, not think of this sooner !

He called the Head Cleric. “I want an audience with the Head Council of Mosquit. Tell them that the King has decided to ask the lizard Nation for cooperation against Payoj Gupta.”

The Incidental Criminal part IV - Agent Red Alpha

“Now, back to the main story that we have been covering for the past 30 minutes; Agent Red Alpha, the most celebrated spy in the history of Mosquit has been assigned the case of the infamous serial killer and mass murderer Payoj Gupta. For those, unaware of him, here is a brief description of how this agent rose to fame by our special correspondent Berky Dita.”

“He is the most celebrated spy in the Mosquit empire. Though the Agent Alpha program was derived from a popular movie series in the human world, almost all experts unanimously agree that if there ever were an actual 007 among the humans, the Agent Red Alpha could give him a run for his money.”

“The veteran agent first came into limelight when during the course of his very first mission; he infiltrated the Lizard kingdom and gained intelligence about a secret Lizard hideout where elaborate plans were being made by the Lizard General Iroh, of an impending attack on Mosquit city. He successfully escaped from the Lizard Fortress and reported this information to his superiors just in time to allow the citizens to vacate the city and for the Mosquit military and Special Forces to plan and organise a daring and incredible ambush that resulted in deaths of 9 king size lizards, and a safe city.”

“Thanks, Berky. Now we have with us in our studio a long time close associate of the agent, Retired Ex-Sergeant Tim Bitsworth. So,Tim, what do you have to say about Red Alpha?”

“Well, I have only one thing to say; He is cold and ruthless, almost mechanical while eliminating targets at the behest of King Monty himself. Be it humans, lizards or even those unfortunate Kings of the Jungle, the poison dart that this agent carries is lethal next only to the mosquito carrying it.”

“Thanks Tim. The veteran spy has been entrusted with eliminating the human, one Payoj Gupta with whatever means necessary. Payoj Gupta, who first hit headlines on his mysterious escape from the Mosquit High Court, where he was to be punished for the murder of 54 mosquitoes. During the course of his escape, he also killed three senior law enforcement mosquitoes. It was later found that his body has somehow become resistant to regular shrinking devices that are used to apprehend most other large-sized felons, a fact that has many scientists worried as this could be the next stage in the evolution of the humans. As one of our sources told us, this makes it all the more necessary to eliminate the human.”

“So, it was under such grim circumstances, when the Directorate of Human intelligence recalled the 32 hour old agent out of retirement for eliminating this threat to Mosquit.”

“Over the period of half an hour, Agent Red Alpha shall inject the human with controlled quantities of a special chemical mixture prepared by scientists, designed to fight the victim’s anti-bodies for days at end. Though he may not live long enough to see this enemy of the state fall dead, he will have secured the lives of countless mosquitoes from the megalomaniac human.”

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He flew inside the room as a whole contingent of law enforcement officers from Mosquit stood by and looked on in amazement.

The human seemed busy writing something. He lunged forward in a flawless dive, accelerating so as to ensure that the dart found its target, and break through the dense skin.

He had already injected him thrice; each time accompanied by loud cheers from the junior staff of the law enforcement and media correspondents behind the fence.

Suddenly, the human stood up. He looked around closely and spotted the agent. He clapped his hands in order to smash the mosquito to death. The veteran agent dodged easily. He looked into the human’s eyes. He saw an evil glint and a horrific smile just as the human pulled back and clapped his hands multiple times successively. The agent expertly dived around and dodged the onslaught, but the resultant shock waves were tremendous, which accompanied by strong air currents, struck the agent hard and the spy lost his balance for a split second.

He crashed onto a nearby bottle.

He spread his wings again, ready to fly. He fell down on the table. His wings were wet from the condensate on the bottle's surface. He struggled to hide, but it was futile.

Payoj smiled. He looked sinister, a monster.

THUMP !!!!

There was a deathly silence.

The law enforcement officers looked on, too shocked to react as they lost their Hero to the Terror wielding Human.

The Incidental Criminal Part III: Mosqatma Ganphi

Contrary to popular perception among humans, not all mosquitoes bite just in order to procure blood to sustain themselves. In an average lifetime of about 3 days, a mosquito hardly needs 7-8 drops of blood to keep itself alive. Ten tops.

Not unlike humans, a mosquito is a very moody and emotional creature. Apart from the obvious need for nutrition and feeding the young ones, it may even bite you simply out of boredom. Then, there are special mosquito units in each major mosquito empire that are involved in continuously replenishing a stockpile of human blood as well as blood from some other organisms to be used in times of crisis.

Interestingly, mosquitoes prefer human blood to that of other organisms, owing to the relative hygiene and superior living conditions of humans. One may find sufficient amounts of a variety of flavors of human blood in all upper class mosquito households.

Then, there are the law enforcement mosquitoes that carry out sentences against humans involved in large-scale massacres of mosquitoes.

There are what you may call “adrenaline junkies” that mess with humans just to derive a sense of adventure in their lives.

There are petty criminal warlords who carry a vicious vendetta against humans for one reason or the other; and bite them with lethal bio-weaponry, thus inflicting their own massacres on the humans, which obviously led to further retaliation by humans.

It was not always like this though. For a brief period of history there was a grand revolution in the whole mosquito world. The mosquito that led the movement came into the picture when the mosquito governments and non-state actors both organized and encouraged mindless attacks on humans and other organisms. In such times of great turmoil, came from the huge city-state of Mosquit, Ganphi, a mosquito that challenged the very core of the mosquito society.

He lived a very simple life. He disapproved of all kinds of violence, even if they meant biting someone to satisfy hunger. He spent his entire life of 54 hours on nothing but fruit juices and mould; inspiring a whole generation of non-biters among mosquitoes.

A lawyer by profession, he gave up a glittering career in order to fight for the rights of the lowest strata in the mosquito society-the aphids, that after being stolen from the ant farms were used as labor for various chores and forced to live a moribund life. The government under the King Pintoinitially resisted and tried to shut off any dissent, but by then, Ganphi had caught the imagination of the nation’s youth and the huge aphid populations who rallied behind him and forced the government to bend to their will in a non-violent movement.

Having gained the support and trust of an entire generation of mosquitoes, Ganphi started taking up other causes as well. He implored upon the mosquito society to understand and value the life of others, that they should bite only as much as they need, that they should recognize the right to life with dignity for all organisms. He severely criticized the preferential biting of humans just because of their hygiene.

He fought for equal rights for the male mosquitoes who had been reduced to ceremonial show-pieces.

His radical ideas and their support also led to the creation of extremist factions within the mosquito society. These were the ones who believed mosquitoes to be the most superior race off all and disapproved of Ganphi’s thinking.And it was one such disillusioned extremist that killed the Mosqatma. The mosquito who abhorred violence all his life, who didn’t bite a single living soul, was brutally killed in a mindless act of rage.

Today, when the mosquito world is yet again embroiled in turmoil, it awaits the arrival of another Ganphi.

How the Lizards made an enemy out of me...

I have not always detested lizards. There was a time when we were ... friends. The hostility that I harbor towards them today is a natural instinct that was born out of a certain untoward incident in my childhood.

Before that day, everything was "hunky-dory" between us, as to say. We were in a state of peaceful co-existence. I even used to include them in my paintings on occasion during my drawing classes. Sometimes we would even enjoy meals together, myself enjoying "Chhole Puri", while they gorged on all the delicious mosquitoes and other insects. There was just one unspoken rule. We never used to enter the other's territory; that is, I would never crawl on the walls, and they would never crawl on my bed. Very simple and straight forward.

I was all of 8 years old on that fateful night. Like the good boy I have always been, I finished my homework at 9 PM and prepared to go to sleep (those were the days when Ekta Kapur had not hijacked the "after-dinner prime time television", people slept early, and woke up early). I put my notebooks in my schoolbag, and put my pencils in my "Arabian Nights" pencil box (which by the way I own and use to this day). I switched off the tube light, and went to bed to sleep.

It must have been 15-20 minutes since sleep engulfed me, when I noticed something on my bed, below my pillow. Still very much in my sleep, I took it in my hand and felt it. It seemed like a rubber (eraser). "Oh, I must have forgotten it on the bed when I was packing my bag", thought I. So, I rose up from the bed, and promptly switched on the light to put the rubber back into the bag. As the tube light flickered before finally getting steady, I realised, to my horror, what was in my hand was no innocent and inanimate rubber, it was in fact, a big slimy lizard. Just as realisation struck me, the lizard promptly leapt from my hand on to the bed, and started roaming on it from one edge to the other, as if trying to make a point, that the lizards now owned the whole place. That I had become a refugee in my own territory. I was both furious and afraid at the same time. It is difficult to put that feeling into words. I called my mother, and together we encaged the over-ambitious lizard, in an empty bucket. I wanted to kill the little guy for its audacity, but my mother pacified me, and we finally eased it outside our home.

That night, I had a troubled sleep. My territory was under siege by a species more than 10 times smaller than me. Over the next few weeks, the Elder lizards came again and again to apologise for the unruly actions of that rebellious lizard; they reminded me of the peaceful relationship, and the camaraderie our empires once enjoyed, but I wouldn't be talked into resumption of peace in any way. Finally they gave up.

And thus, till this day, we have been in a state of cold war. I have experimented throughout the period of my school days, the impact of various materials (such as cold water, compressed air) for loading into weapons against lizards and certain sonic and/or visual arrangements that tend to scare them away. They on their part have encroached on my turf on countless occasions and continue to do so to this day.

Since my childhood, I have turned into an infinitely mature, patient and peaceful person, but put a lizard in front of me and the dormant violent streak comes to the fore...

Note: This post is a pat of the continuing "The Incidental Criminal" Series.

The Incidental Criminal part II - The Universe

“Awww that’s so sweet. Hey, look at that small boy with the big racquet trying to kill the mosquitoes. He seems so innocent and cute. Tell you what I have decided, I won’t ever bite the little guy in my life. Hey, I am going closer just to play with him you know.

“Hi, there. See Martha he’s so cute. Oh dear, you can’t kill a mosquito with that...”

The little boy swung the racquet again and ...

Eeeeeennnnhhhhh

That was all the other mosquitoes heard as Ronda fell down, seemingly burnt. They must tell the chief about this latest gadget invented by the humans, as early as possible.

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He had never quite felt that way in the 27 hours of his life. There was a sense of liberation; it was both soothing and exciting at the same time. Nothing else in the world mattered. Maybe that’s what they said true love felt like, except that he was supposed to be having these feelings towards the female member of his species, not this glowing bright light. He was drawn towards it, mesmerised.

Eeeeeeeennnnnhhhhhhhhhh

He was at peace.

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The applied sciences department at Mosquit Institute of Technology is perhaps the foremost research institute in the world. Here a dedicated team of highly skilled mosquitoes work day and night inventing various innovative ways to counter the weapons that humans take months to conceptualise in a matter of one or two days, sometimes just a few hours.

You see, unlike what subsequent human populations have been led to believe by their scientists, mosquitoes are not “only” dependent on evolution as a means to fight their (humans’) inventions. Evolution takes months sometimes years in introducing a resistant species. Hence, the research labs.

Lead scientist, Dr. Stinger had seen a lot in the 38 hours of his life. But now near the end of his career, he finally had something to contribute to the society. This was his chance to be immortalised in the glorious history of Mosquit. If he could somehow pull it off, he would be an instant celebrity.

“Electrocution, that’s the latest the humans have thrown at us”, announced the Lead-scientist. “Now get to work. Jimmy, I want a report on the economic viability of applying electrical insulation to counter the Electric racquet. Ask the special ops to send an agent to get the specifications of the electric racquet.”

Just then, an orderly flew inside the meeting room and hurried towards the veteran doctor...

“Sir, King Monty has ordered a team to accelerate the production of gas masks and start distributing them to everyone...”

“King Monty is a fool", countered Stinger. “Gas masks are meant for protection against air-borne chemicals, they won’t work here. Ask him to let the professionals handle the job. I want absolutely no interference from the palace in this matter.”

"All right, Mandy, start testing various rubbers and plastics for the perfect material for insulation. Remember, this is not a theoretical exercise, so do not waste your time with higher molecular mass or poisonous plastics."

"Jack, tell the physics department to look into using water to neutralise these new devices and ask the Commander of the Special ops to meet me immediately with his finest agents. If all fails we need some strategy to damage the whole device using water."

“Ummm, sir, I think we can use Polaroids here to reduce the intensity of the bright light emitted by the Electric Bug Zapper that is incident on a mosquito’s eyes. This might be able to insensitize our eyes from the radiation...”

“Perfect, order a dozen eye shields with Polaroids. Start testing immediately. That may do the trick...”

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“Sir, the insulation has been tested. Subject was able to survive without losing balance mid-flight when we tried poly propylene. As for the Bug zappers, the Polaroids are working fine for the moment, though there are some issues with reduced sense of direction during the night due to decreased intensity of incident light.”

“Well, leave it at that. Even the humans can’t see in the dark so It doesn't really matter.Mission accomplished. Good work, team. It was an honour working with you.”

He finally heaved a sigh of relief. Another crisis averted.

The Incidental Criminal

He was sleeping when they came to get him. When he opened his eyes, he saw a very large bug putting away what seemed like a complex gun(like those in Men in Black) back in a case. Was he being kidnapped by aliens? He looked around. He seemed to be in his bedroom, only that the room and everything inside it seemed a lot bigger, or was it he who had become small? He looked closely on his handlers; they quite oddly seemed to look like....THUMP !!!

It seemed like an elaborate courthouse, like the ones in Ekta Kapur’s daily soaps. He was sitting handcuffed in a chair. On a pedestal was sitting an old looking bug (looked like a mosquito) surrounded by a host of other “official looking” mosquitoes. The mosquitoes were so big, that he could distinctly see each of their body parts, right from the needle like stinger to suck blood, to the patterns on their wings. How did the mosquitoes get so big? Or was it he who became so small? Hey that seemed familiar. So, he was not in a dream after all, the mosquitoes had shrunk him with that complex gun and brought him here. But why?

Judge: “Order in the court!!!”

“Mr. Payoj Gupta, you have been charged with the killing of 54 mosquitoes including 12 innocent males and 6 young mosquitoes within a space of just three days. Do you have anything to say in your defence?”

PG: “Excuse me sir, but you are a mosquito right?”

Judge: “Yes, mister, you can be sure of that.”

PG: “And you are some sort of a-a judge or something?”

Judge: “Yes, indeed, and now that I think of it, you could perhaps plead being delusional. So, do you plead guilty to the charges levelled against you or not?”

“Okay, I am indeed in a trial. Come on get a hold on yourself !”, he thought to himself.

PG: “I shall plead not guilty, sir, that is, your honour.”

He silently thanked his mother for subjecting him to Ekta Kapur’s soaps for so many years.

Prosecution: “Your honour, the man standing in front of us has been identified by 5 relevant mosquito authorities for going on a rampage, killing away unsuspecting mosquitoes well beyond the “allowable limit”. His crimes being numerous in number and heinous in nature naturally qualify the death sentence by a "female Anopheles" mosquito bite.”

PG: “Your honour, I would like to plead ignorance of laws against killing mosquitoes, and thus, innocence.”

Prosecution: “My lord, it is very clear and anonymously agreed in the human laws that crimes against any animate living being without provocation are punishable under law, and since every human is considered a literate in the human laws, he cannot claim ignorance of laws in this court.”

PG: “But your honour, I didn't kill said mosquitoes without provocation, the act was in self-defence.”

Prosecution: “And what harm pray tell, did you expect the mosquitoes would have caused you?”

PG: “My lord, apart from the physical discomfort and chances of infection in my blood, the emotional trauma and sleep deprivation caused as a result of mosquito bites should be a strong enough motive for me to take preventive measures.”

Judge: “The court agrees with the human’s logic.”

Prosecution: “Your honour, even if we accept the human’s apparent motives on their face value, is it not a bit extreme to kill away all prospective biters instead of perhaps using some other non-violent means? Does this not perhaps show a degree of contempt against the mosquitoes as a species on the human’s part?”

PG: “My Lord, the prosecution is suggesting that I wait for the mosquito, whom I know has a strong likelihood of biting me eventually, to bite me before I attempt to take any corrective measure, which in this case sadly was terminating the threat altogether.”

Prosecution: “But, My Lord, the act of killing male and young mosquitoes who posed no threat whatsoever to the human cannot be vindicated.”

PG: “Your Honour, I am deeply apologetic for killing off innocent mosquitoes while securing my habitat, but in my defence, I couldn't really differentiate between the two as with my eyesight, I can only differentiate mosquitoes from flies, not categorise them with their age and sex.”

Judge: “Hmmm...Does the prosecution have any further argument? “

“Okay, then. After much deliberation, the court has reached the conclusion, that even though it was not a deliberate act of commission on the part of the human as far as the mass-killings are concerned, the court cannot simply let the culprit free of all charges. So, as a prerogative for future trials of this nature, and in order to set an example both among the human and mosquito societies, the court orders that this human, Mr. Payoj Gupta, be bitten by the “expert biter mosquito” carrying a diluted protozoa solution multiple times immediately.”

“The court is adjourned. Next case, Rabid Longstring vs the Union of Mosquit.”

He was horrified. It was one thing when they bit him while he was hundreds of times larger than them, but this did not seem right. He closed his eyes as the sinister-looking mosquito approached. He silently laughed at that last thought. Only yesterday, there was nothing like a cheerful mosquito for him, let alone a sinister one. He braced himself for the inevitable.

And it bit.

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“What is that on my hand?”

THUMP

“Ah, another mosquito, I thought I had killed you all last night. “

Checks the Inbox in his mobile. Another bunk.

“All right then, Back to sleep it is !!!”

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Random Mosquito 247: Chief, the convict has eliminated the expert biter.

Chief: Hmmm...Maybe we underestimated the human’s reflexes. We need someone from the special ops in this case...Contact Agent Red alpha 4.