Internet in Heaven !

Random Gandharva 347:Hey, did you hear the news?

Random Gandharva 489:What?

RG 347: I just heard that Lord Indra has been put on probation by the Trinity.

RG 489: Really? What for?

RG 347: You know,the usual. Negligence towards assigned jobs leading to mismanagement of Monsoons in India.

RG 489: Well, he had it coming, dude. Since this computer thingy the humans made, Lord Indra spends the whole of his time in front of it.

RG 347: Yeah man,and that new thing...what do they call it...the Internext, I hear he has even stopped organising the Dance Apasara Dance challenges.

RG 489: Well, he was always a bit loony at job. That’s why we got our jobs at Crisis management Department.

RG 347: You said it, dude!

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Meanwhile, at Lord Indra’s palace:

Lord Indra: Hey,Chitragupta, do something man! I narrowly escaped today. You can’t imagine how weird it feels when you have Lord Brahma’s four hands on your throat trying to strangle you!

Chitragupta: Sir,I have been doing some research while you were gone and I think I have just the thing you need.

Lord Indra: What is it? It better be good.

Chitragupta: Sir,your primary problem is that everyone in the Heavens knows that you are out of work when you are busy chatting on Facebook and Twitter. Now, your performance has been, how shall I put it, average from the very beginning. But now, since you are found absent from the meetings, workshops, etc. people have started realizing that you don’t do a damn thing around here.

In order to change that perception, you need to be away from your PC and inside meeting rooms.

Lord Indra: Don’t be ridiculous Chitragupta. I need to know what’s new on my Facebook and Twitter account, apart from checking my Gmail, Yahoo and Hotmail accounts!

Plus, last week I found this wonderful game called Angry Birds on the internet, and making a new high score has become the new aim of my immortal life. I cannot under any circumstances leave the PC.

Chitragupta: That is why sir, the PC must come to you. While you were away for your hearing in front of the Trinity, I sent a Gandharva to bring you a smartphone. I have also installed a Vodafone SIM with a 3G promotional offer of 2 GB of free data.

And by the way, if you receive a call from customer service for activation, your name is Indra Kumar Barsati from Sukhapur village in UP.

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Lord Indra: Dude, this is even more awesome than the PC! Apart from facebook, twitter, gmail, yahoo, every game and application is either already loaded or readily available on the market!

Hey Google Maps! I wonder what this app does...

CAN'T FIND. SYSTEM FAILURE.

Hmmm...Well I guess,we will have to bring the Google satellite around here for updating their database to include the heavens.

Just then...a tweet from Tarkasur:

@Indra @Shukracharya Going to attack the Heavens with my army. See you all tomorrow. Ta Ta..

@Tarkasur Hey dude, Time Please! I just got this new gadget and I haven’t even explored it properly yet. Please come tomorrow instead.

In fact, you should try it too! Its called a smartphone and let me tell you, its much handy than putting up a PC on your elephant!

After 1 hour,

@Indra This thing’s awesome dude! May be I will come next moth then!

@Tarkasur Thanks man, you are the best!

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The Trinity call Lord Indra after a few days...

Lord Brahma: So Mr. Indra, we have come to know that you scared away Tarkasur along with his army and saved the Heavens from destruction! That is indeed impressive!

Lord Indra: Thank you sir. When I came to know from my sources that Tarkasur was going to attack the Heavens with a huge army, I promptly decided, enough is enough; and took the battle to him instead.

Lord Shiva: And we hear that you went into battle alone, and just seeing you so angry, the whole army, along with Tarkasur himself ran away from the battle!

Lord Indra: Sir, I have been given the responsibility of the protection of Heaven. When I realised that it was in danger of being attacked, I just couldn't stop myself. I felt like...

Lord Brahma: Lord Indra, we are happy that you avoided an imminent attack on the heavens by "whatever means you employed", but your mismanagement of Monsoons on Earth still continues. It seems you are yet to learn your lesson. If you don’t improve your performance, then we may have to depute you for site work!

Lord Indra: But sir, I attend all the meetings, prayer reviews and ceremonies now.You can check my logbook.

Lord Brahma: Yes, you sit there and update your facebook status. And I believe that's how you "scared away" Tarkasur and his army!

Lord Indra (turns red) : How did you know that?

Lord Vishnu (With a grin):You see, in your blind attempts to increase the number of your Facebook friends and Twitter followers, you accidentally ended up adding Krishnakant Narayan and Bholeshankar Prasad too!

Lord Shiva: Moreover, Mr. Hanuman posted a video of you chatting away with Meneka on Skype during Mr. Shani Dev's presentation on the law and order situation on Earth. It already has 130,000 likes!

Lord Indra: But sir, if the three of you can be on facebook and you tube, why can't I?

Lord Vishnu: Errr...Ummm...We are the Trinity!

Lord Indra: So?

Lord Brahma: Ummm...So we need to be in the loop on what all is happening throughout the Universe.

Lord Shiva: Yes, that is what it is. We don't like being on facebook. But we have to...errrr...for the greater good! Now, go off, and do your work!

Lord Vishnu (With a wink): And Mr. Indra, just an advice off the record; next time you are chatting during a meeting, learn to type without looking at the mobile!

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Humor apart, I sincerely believe that Mobile Internet is about to play a much larger role in all our lives in the years to come...It has the potential and will eventually become a useful tool to a lot many applications rather than just fun.

The Boy Who Had Three Birthdays

As a kid, I liked birthdays.

Okay, so what, everyone likes birthdays, what’s new about that?

No, when I say I liked birthdays, I mean it in a crazy way, as are most of the other things in my case.

I simply loved birthday parties, especially when they were mine.


You know, the usual, you get to cut a cake, everyone in the class stands up and sings happy birthday, you distribute toffees to the whole class and the teachers, you get to eat your favourite dish i.e. Chhole Puri with your friends and the most important one: you get presents, the element of mystery while opening the present, and the joy one feels if the said present turns out to be a toy!

For a good amount of time, birthdays had become major milestones in my life. The only problem with the things you like is, you eventually start wanting more of them. That’s what happened to me.


I distinctly remember that particular day.

I was in senior kg back then. That day one of the kids celebrated their birthday in the class. Now, it had been 4 months since I celebrated my 4^th birthday. But I guess you all know how we have a slightly distorted view of the concept of time as kids.

So, when I got back home, I asked my mother when is my birthday coming? She looked quizzically at me. “You just had your birthday 4 months ago, dear. It will come next year now.”


Wrong answer. Tantrum time!!


“But ABC (Okay, it is good enough I remember this incident; Bacche ki jaan loge kya???) had his birthday today. Even XYZ had his birthday yesterday; So, why can’t I have my birthday?”


“Dear, your birthday comes on first may. Today is XX August. Now, count how many months are still left to your birthday? (Yeah, that’s how my mother manipulated me into math and stuff)

“No, that won’t do. You are lying. It's been such a long time since my birthday. It should have come by now!  I want my birthday today.

And either the tantrum must have been terrible or I must have been a very persuasive child, for what happened next does not generally happen with normal kids.


What I next remember is myself latching on to my mother’s finger, as she would first take me to the shopping center to buy toffees; and then to my school. Since, it was KG, we had school only until 1130 in the morning. So, by now only the teachers would be left at school.

My mother would take me to the staff room where all the teachers would still be sitting, where I would distribute the toffees as my mother would stand aside apologetically. I didn’t know back then, but now I suspect there must have been some back-channel talks between my mother and the teachers before all this. Done with the teachers and if I recall correctly, the principal too; the rest of the toffees would be distributed to all my playmates in the evening.

The elder ones would ask me. "How is it that your birthday comes so early every time?"

And I would proudly tell them. " I have my birthday two times every year", as all of them looked on in wonder and as I like to believe, envy too.

At night, there would be Chhole Puri in dinner for me. And I would be satisfied.

But not for long.

In fact, I had three birthdays that year. The two fake ones working out in exactly the same fashion.

As I grew older, and got a hang on the concept of time; I started finding joy in my friends’ birthdays, so there was no need to celebrate my own every 4 months or so!

Vyom (An Ode to a dear friend), Purbash, Pranjal; their birthdays became the new milestones in my life. I would enjoy all that I did in my own birthdays in theirs too. I learnt to share happiness.

Fast forward to adolescence.

Over the years, I turned into a reclusive being. I did not like large gatherings (Not a party person). I scoffed at the very idea of wasting money in parties when more than a million Indian kids go to bed on an empty stomach.

But, now I am loosening up. The last year has opened up my character quite a bit. I do not know if it is for better or worse; I guess I will just do it and see how it works out for my conscience. So, after ten years, I am going to celebrate my birthday once again.

Back Benchers- Embracing the Dark side of Force

From ever since I can remember, I have been sitting on the very front benches of the class; right from kg, and through my college days.

Though I believe the practice must have started off as a consequence of my less than average height and poor eye-sight; the fact remains that the front benches have been the most prominent of the many constants of my student life.

Anyone who has had the fortune, or rather lack of it, of sitting on the front benches, might concur with me, that doing so requires the rare combination of concentration, stamina and patience.

Concentration and unwavering attention, for when you find the topic interesting enough; patience to still be attentive towards a topic, that in your personal opinion, the world could better do without. And above all, stamina, not to inadvertently tear away your mouth in a silent roar (yes, I mean yawn) when the speaker is standing right in front of you.

If not for these virtues, sitting on the front benches is pretty much a suicide mission, best left to trained professionals or adrenalin junkies.

So, having not had the experience of ever having sat on the back benches, I was in a bit of a fix when during one of the Soft-skills training sessions that I have at work, I found all the rows occupied, except for the very last one. For a few seconds, I just stood at the entrance, as if somehow people at the front would start vanishing into thin air to make place for me.

Now that I think about it, I must have looked awfully stupid doing that.

Well, so I reached at the back of the room and occupied a seat. And the class began.

The Three Monkeys

Once upon a time, in the ancient realm of East, there lived a great wizard called Gandhi. He was a very righteous person who dedicated his whole life towards eliminating evil and making the world a better place to live.

Reaching his end, and still watching the world fighting a losing battle against evil; Gandhi, with all of his powers accumulated over the years, summoned three immortal Monkeys to be a beacon of Hope and Inspiration to mankind in the face of mounting evil.

Gandhi always believed that the root of all evil in the world were essentially the human senses, that exposed one to evils like greed, jealousy and all other forms of corruption. So, he gave each of these Monkeys a task. One monkey was to never speak evil, the second one, never to hear evil, and the third one to never see evil. He asked the Monkeys to roam the world for eternity teaching the people of the world these three basic qualities that, if followed would surely root out all the evil from the world.

The wizard died within a few days.

The Three Monkeys, obeying their supreme master travelled through the world, reminding them of their great master and inspiring people to follow these good values in order to defeat evil. People flocked where ever they went, and looked on as the three strange monkeys went about imparting their teachings.

But as they went deeper and deeper into the treacherous corners of the realm, they witnessed some of the cruelest warlords, dark wizards, and their henchmen. But, however hard they tried the evil warlords could not harm the three monkeys, for they had the gift of immortality and the imparted quality of incorruptibility.

The three monkeys worked in tandem in the face of evil. The one monkey who could see and speak, but not hear evil, would inform the one who couldn't to guard himself from the evil, by closing his eyes in order to guard their senses from the tempt the evil brings with it. And, thus, they journeyed together for many years.

The only downside to immortality is the constant, unending, existence.

Overtime, the three monkeys got bored of this tedious task given to them. The monkey that was forbidden from seeing anything evil, was tired of seeing the same old people; he grew jealous of the other two monkeys who could see, all the world they wanted. The caverns that inhabited some of the vilest creatures the world ever knew, the very symbols of the Evil. So, was the case with the other two monkeys. They started questioning the very wisdom of their master. After all, something that is good enough to be heard by one, must also be good enough to be heard by others too!

Eventually, they stopped obeying the commands of their master. They stopped moving around the world with hands on their mouth, or ears or eyes. They became just a set of ordinary monkeys, as fallible to evil as any other ordinary creature, travelling across the world.

After a few years, they again reached the point from where they had started their journey; the town of their Master. The people flocked to see the three monkeys, expecting to hear from them, words of wisdom, and tales from the farthest of lands.

However, they were disappointed, when they found that the once serene and noble monkeys, had become just a bunch of regular, gullible creatures, talking and acting lewdly.

Just then, a child from the crowd cried out loud “Shame shame!!!”

The three monkeys were furious. They were enraged at this disrespect and apprehended the boy.

“We are the mascots of the great wizard, and you dare disrespect us?”

“You don’t even know the difference between what is right or wrong, how can you then, believe yourself to be the mascots of righteousness. You are just like other ordinary monkeys who copy what others do.”

The three monkeys were speechless. They realised their mistake. From that day on, they stopped spreading the message of shutting down one’s senses to keep evil at bay.

They had understood that Knowledge was the supreme virtue. Without the wisdom of differentiating between what is right or wrong, what is moral or immoral, there was no point in following good or evil. One had to open one's senses to all information, and then decide to follow the path of righteousness after understanding and contemplating why something is good and the other evil.

Thus, the Three Monkeys mended their ways and started another tour around the world, in order to gain knowledge and wisdom, which would help them become the true mascots of righteousness, as they were intended to be.

Nishkantos and the Merry Men Part-II: The battle of Thermaliya

In memory of the erstwhile PAT/VAWT Boys...:D

Disclaimer: Any resemblance to a real lively person/persons is purely intentional...:D

Having rid the forests of the Western Woods from the vicious packs of Werewolves, the warriors proceeded East looking for more adventures. Meanwhile, their fame spread throughout the nearby lands, fuelled by their recent conquests.

They traveled east for three days. On the fourth day, they reached the gates of Workshire city.

Some guards approached the warriors.

“Who are you”?

“We are warriors from the west. We are just passing by; We mean no harm to your people,” replied Sagaricus.

“Welcome, Warriors, we have heard of your adventures. But before resuming your journey, you need to get the permission to stay here from the Sherrif. That is the law” said the guard.

So, accompanied by three guards, the four warriors entered the town.

Workshire was unlike any other city they had ever seen. The city was littered with factories that housed gigantic machines on which the townsfolk worked tirelessly, manufacturing powerful weaponry that was exported to arm the armies of even the most distant lands of the realm.

The town’s sherrif, Sandikrates, already witness to the skill and courage of the warriors in the Western Woods, invited them to his offices in order to honour them on behalf of the city.

After a sumptuous feast, the warriors sat down with Sandikrates.

“So, warriors, where are you headed now? Off to another adventure perhaps?”

“We have travelled extensively throughout the Western realm. We gained knowledge and had many adventures; Now, we have decided to move East”, said Hershules.

“In that case, I would like to suggest an adventure right here, in these lands. Have you heard of a creature called Vawtymus?”

The four warriors looked at each other and shook their heads in the negative.

“I thought so. The Vawtymus is a Monstrous creature that troubles these lands. It is a tall, three- headed giant that wakes up every two years, and eats away hundreds of men besides destroying all our crops. It moves with the wind and is almost impossible to control. Many brave Knights came to slay it, but no man that ever encountered it, has lived to tell the tale.”

The four warriors listened with interest. Lured by the prospect of adventure, Pajax stood up and declared:

“We shall apprehend and get rid of this creature for your people!”

The other three nodded in agreement.

“Bravo, we finally have hope!” said Sandikrates, delighted at the prospect.

“So, where can we find this Vawtymus?”asked Nishkantos.

“The creature lives inside a cave in the mountains east of a village called Thermaliya. It is a six hour ride away from the city”, said Sandikrates.

The warriors rode towards Thermaliya. When they reached the village, they found it empty, except for warning signs scaring away any visitors.

The Incidental Criminal Part VI: The Common Enemy

General Iroh was not particularly fond of Mosquitoes. The only times when he did enjoy their company were those when they were being relished inside his mouth. He balked at the very thought of a summit with his counter-part from Mosquit. But then, that was what his Great King had thought fit. He would just have to control his appetite and try not to eat up the Mosquit General.

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Commander Lyca was not called the Ice Queen for no reason. She was known throughout the administration for her ruthless and cold attitude. The last time when the King Monty asked her to attend a summit with General Iroh, she could see even the King's legs shaking.

She shivered in rage at the very thought of the summit, begging around the Lizards for cooperation in the war. Not many knew but 4 members of her immediate family had been brutally murdered along with the rest of the colony under the command of this very general. She wanted revenge. But the interests of Mosquit far outweighed the horrors of her own past.

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The Summit

The two commanders along with their sub-ordinates looked on as the petite lizard addressed...

"Fellow Mosssquitosss and Lizzzzards; The purrrpose of this meeting is to enhance the Milllitary and Intelligenceee cooperation between our two empireees with regards to a common enemy, namely Payoj Gupta. Kiiindly be patient of the cultural and past differencees and focus on the agenda. The detaails shall be covered by Mr. Alex Longsting. The minutes of the meeting shall be recorded by the Mosquit Swepreme Court's Head Cleric Mr. Jim Biters."

Alex: (Clears his throat) ... "The agenda of this meeting is quite straight forward. Subdue and bring to justice, the notorious mass-murderer and our common enemy, Payoj Gupta."

"As is now widely known throughout the Ecosystem, the Mosquit nation has faced blow after blow in the past 1 week from this particular human, which includes killing of more than 50 mosquitoes within a short period of 40 minutes, as well as the deaths of some of our law enforcement mosquitoes, including the infamous Agent Red Alpha."

"It is in the backdrop of such grave incidents of provocation that endanger the very sovereignty of the Mosquit nation, that our King has approached our one time nemesis, the Lizards for assistance with handling this particular human and perhaps planning a Joint military Offensive for the same."

The Incidental Criminal Part V: King Monty the Sixth

“… a sad day indeed in the history of Mosquit. It remains to be seen how the Law Enforcement Department reacts to this sudden turn of events. Anonymous Sources from the Ministry tell us that even as we speak, a high-level meeting is underway in the Palace convened by the Prime Minister of Mosquit herself to decide on the future course of action.

In related news, King Monty the Sixth has expressed regret over the death of Agent Red Alpha; Terming his life as the epitome of courage and loyalty to the Mosquit nation, he has announced a National Mourning for 2 minutes in the Veteran agent’s honor …”

He pulled down his antennae and sighed. These had to be the darkest seconds of his 2 hour long rule. He stood up from his desk and flew around his magnificent office. This was perhaps the only place in the entire kingdom where he could move around of his own free will. Constantly surrounded by a web of special forces for his security, advisers, ministers, he had virtually forgotten the last time he had spent alone outside of this office.

There was a knock on the door. An orderly came inside. “Sir, the Head Cleric has prepared the final draft for your message to the nation regarding further course of action. I need you to sign and authorize the message”

“Very well”.

“Thank you, Your Highness.”

He looked at the portrait of his father, King Monty the Fifth.

He had never wanted to be a King. He still remembered the time he had tried explaining to his father, his passion for Zoology, expressly Lizard Sciences. Even as a larva, he had always been fascinated with the reptiles. His father and his advisers were aghast at the very thought of the crown prince studying the creatures who had constantly been at war with the Mosquit nation from the very beginnings of the Ecosystem.

His father had one day called him to this very room. He had said “It is the Destiny of the Dynasty, my boy. You cannot change what you were always meant to be. Tis already written. What is in your hand however, is what you make of this destiny, what fate you leave behind for your nation and your children.” His father had died the very next hour, and he had been crowned the King.

But things now were very different from his father’s times. The king’s stature had been reduced to a ceremonial position, where he only signed his messages to the nation, prepared by others, and passed orders, most of which he didn’t even understand, in the name of the King.

He was not allowed to go out into the public except for once a quarter hour for apparent security reasons.

The Kingdom was effectively being run by Ministers, Advisors, Generals, and other “well-wishers”, all of course in the name of the king. Their inflated egos and constant squabbles had made a mockery out of the largest Mosquito nation of the whole Ecosystem.

The Monarchy in Mosquit was dieing a slow death.

The common mosquitoes and the media had started terming him as the weakest King in Mosquit history, through no fault of his own. Or perhaps the fault had indeed been his. By not acting at the right time, by allowing “the professionals to handle the matters”, perhaps he had indeed made himself weak.

“What is in your hand however, is what you make of this destiny, what fate you leave behind for your nation and your children.”

His father’s words rang through his mind again. He must do something by himself. He could no longer let down his people through his inaction. But what should he do?

He remembered another of his father's teachings.

“The Enemy of your enemy, is your friend”.

Of course. How could all his strategists and ministers not think of this sooner. How could, He, not think of this sooner !

He called the Head Cleric. “I want an audience with the Head Council of Mosquit. Tell them that the King has decided to ask the lizard Nation for cooperation against Payoj Gupta.”