Why I don't play Candy Crush Saga...

After the second pic, read this article out loud or just inside your head in a deep, guttural tone with the ending theme of Dark Knight in the background...You won't regret it...


Many of my friends have been imploring upon me since long to venture out into the supposedly captivating world of Candy Crush, so captivating that it is that they made a saga out of it...

Though I am not disinclined toward candies, sweet as they are...

I am not sure if I can really get myself to let them stay on the board...

Before long, I shall be found gobbling them down at a furious pace, so to speak...

So, I must resist the temptation...

Not because I can't play it...

Or the fact that my hand-eye coordination is hopelessly poor...

But because I can take it...

I am the watchful guardian, a silent protector, of all the candies on the board...

And those outside...

I am the player the Online Gaming World deserves...

But not the one it needs right now...


And there is another thing...

Last time I checked...

I wasn't making any money from this blog...

But I did commit an online felony by publishing photos that I procured from Google images without proper permissions...

I am not telling you all this because I want to shirk responsibility...

That would be Un-Hero like...

If there even is an expression like that...

I am telling you this because...

I wanted to make this article longer than it originally was...

And..

Because, I am the Dark Knight among all the Bloggers out there who can't draw well..

And are forced to copy paste relevant (or irrelevant) images from Google without taking appropriate permissions...

Ta Ta...

An open letter to Chief Minister Kejriwal

Dear Sir,

Let me start off by congratulating you on becoming the chief minister of Delhi.

I had recently become an admirer of your conviction towards transparency and ending corruption, even as I disagree with the populist measures that you promised and implemented swiftly after getting into office.

But regardless of policy or ideology, the past few days have really turned me away from your party. It seems from the constant media updates that for the past few days, all you and the entire Delhi government seems to be preoccupied with is towards finding you "appropriate quarters".

Now, you have made it very clear that you won't move into the Official Chief Minister's residence for ideological reasons, even though you damn well know that this part of real estate is going to lie vacant in any case. I mean, you would rather pay rent for another home than live in the place designated for you.

So, you and your followers end up finding apartments for you to live and work from (By the way, why do you need an apartment next door for your office? Isn't there a chief minister's office in Delhi? I live in Gujarat and there is a secretariat there. I may be wrong but something like that should be in the national capital as well).

Well, so I thought that's the end of the undesirable business. He's found himself a home. Now, let's crack down on the menace of corruption and influence rampant in the capital with a vengeance!

But no, you decide you won't live at this place as well because some of your followers feel it doesn't suit you to live in such a big bungalow.

Well, I beg to differ. We do not want you and your family to live uncomfortably. We want all of you to be safe, secure and comfortable, for you to serve efficiently. Judging from what we have seen of you, we are sure you won't misuse the facilities that are accorded to you. And frankly, if this goes on, you will end up living in a mud-hut for all we know!

Similarly, you and your ministers would rather while away precious time waiting for metros or in ordinary cars in traffic jams rather than engaging the different functions of the government.

You see, I ended up criticizing you and your government on issues that shouldn't even be there in the first place. I haven't even started yet on policy issues, your wasteful expenditure on subsidies, which are a far graver concern and I won't do that later in this letter as well, as clubbing those issues with your trivial concerns shall be a gross insult to these important issues.

So, my unsolicited advice to you is," Quit with the posturing already!" If this is why you ventured into public space, to look like a selfless hero, to SEEM to be doing the right things, then, I would rather not have you in the public space in the first place. DO the right things. The problem with the right things is that they are seldom desirable. We do not need you to be a selfless hero of the masses, but a righteous villain. Do you have it in you to be that person?


A lot of people have great expectations from you. I had too. I don't have them now. You right now seem just trying to make people happy without taking into account future consequences or the precedents you happen to set today as perhaps the first proper middle-class intellectual to get to govern a state.

Kindly prove me wrong. 

Darth Vader - The Cute Little Kid Behind The Mask

However hard I try, I do not find Darth Vader, the reigning Sith Lord and leader of the dark side menacing.

I know, it may seem a bit out of the blue, but I do ponder over such serious issues affecting mankind every now and then; apart from Global warming of course!

So, coming back to the topic at hand, I always imagine him as a cute kid, who got himself a helmet two sizes too small, and now that he can't get out of it, he has developed a reclusive, anti-social personality. He hates the world for making him feel the need for an intellectually inferior society's approval.


I mean really, the way he tries to restrict the air flow through your lungs simply by clenching his fingers from afar is quite childlike and adorable!

Of course, that's what I think.


It could as well have been a souvenir, custom forged in the fires of Mount Doom from the leftover material after fabrication of the One Ring, whose immense evil properties were passed on and bestowed on to the one who...ummm..wields it on his head....


Or it could just be sort of a cyborg thingy that keeps him from dying due to the third degree burns sustained as a result of getting too close to molten lava, as George Lucas claims (and we all know the supposed fate of the curious cat)..


But still I am a bit iffy about the last one..its just insane..


I strongly believe its just an ill-fitting helmet..


Anyways your guess is as good as mine...

Sinister Musings: My path to become a Dark Overlord

This is a very dark post...People with feeble hearts better stay away...LOL

When people talk about delusions of grandeur, they normally do so in a negative, defensive manner...It is always like,"I have no delusions of grandeur, but...". It is as if they are not even proud of their delusions!

That is not the case with me.

My delusions of grandeur are rather vivid. And I entertain said delusions on almost an hourly basis.

Also, I like to believe that my delusions of grandeur are rather dynamic in nature...

That is to say, they have kept pace with my age, changing priorities, personality, the surroundings, my choices in entertainment and so on.

So, unlike when I was a kid, when all I wanted was a revolving chair and becoming Superman (complete with ability to fly and Heat vision); My delusions have modified over the years. I like to think, that the passing years have eased my illusions into realistic life goals.

That was a long time ago...

That was before I began subscribing to the philosophy of legendary villains such as Loki, Lord Voldemort, Tywin Lannister and Lex Luthor.

Now, my delusions have modified...a bit...

Though I would still like to have a revolving chair in my office (which I actually do now)...and superhuman powers are, of course welcome; I would rather have a secret lair for a residence-cum-office and a few minions/flunkies to do the chores...

Yes, I would very much like to be Dark yet benevolent (to my supporters, Duh!) Overlord.

All I need in my life now is an advanced degree and a Superhero to get the drive, who could inspire me to attain and exhibit my true potential...I am brimming with possibilities, you see.

Needless to say, the said Hero will either have to die a gruesome death or join me in my nefarious schemesas a head minion in my bid to take over the world as a Head Minion.

But he/she (I am gender neutral and plan my Dark Organisation to be an Equal Opportunity employer) doesn't have to worry.

Once he joins me, he will be entitled to retirement, gratuity and cashless medical benefits like all the other minions.

Like all other Dark Lords, I would also like an awesome, dramatic theme song/music (preferably composed by Hans Zimmer) when I enter particular settings, looking my sinister best and with my personalized Evil Maniacal Laugh:


MWAHAHA(short silence)...HAHAHA(short silence)...HAHA(continued until desired effect)


which will compulsorily be practiced as a therapy by all minions, especially in the mornings for a productive workplace and maintaining a good work-life balance.

Yes I know, I shall be a very considerate Dark Lord...

A Satellite Just Crashed In My Room!!! :D

So, I was just sitting in my room staring at the wall, when out of nowhere a satellite came crashing down right inside my room and ruined the music system!!!

Tales from Munich: Hanging out with Poseidon

                         Me and my buddy Poseidon hanging out at the Nymphenburg Palace in Munich...

           I know..He's a bit tall...and don't even get me started on the security check for the Trident!!!

The Power He Didn't Have A Freaking Idea Of: Part III

The Media Trial

I guess none of you are stupid enough to believe that I own the Harry Potter franchise, or to take this seriously, or get offended. :D

“Hey, Luna. I have something for you that could make a great piece of news for the Quibbler”.

The photo-coup with Narendra Modi didn’t quite come out like the bang that Hermione expected. Even after 2 days of having received an anonymous owl with a pic of the Dark Lord shaking hands with a muggle, there hadn’t been a single mention of the story in any of the Wizarding newspapers or magazines. Hence, the desperation.

“Okay, thanks Hermione. I shall see if we can put this in Quibbler’s next edition”, said Luna to Hermione taking the photograph.

“But this is BIG news! What more do you want to see?”

“Hermione, you are my friend; But Quibbler has had a long tradition of adhering to the highest of the Journalistic standards. I shall check the veracity of this news, and only after investigating this in detail can I think about taking it to the wizarding world.”

And thus, having duly performed its journalistic duties, it all started with the Quibbler. Though it was way off the mark, reporting about how You Know Who had visited the Indian state of Gujarat apparently looking for a new pet to replace his long-standing reptilian friend Nagini; it did get some attention.

The very next day, Rita Skeeter of The Daily Prophet came out with her latest bid at Investigative Journalism.

                                                              The Daily Prophet

THE DARK LORD GOES GLOBAL

YOU KNOW WHO MEETS MUGGLE DARK LORD

-Rita Skeeter

In an interesting development, You Know Who was reported to have held a meeting with his muggle counterpart in India. Narendra Modi, widely feared in the muggle world for his alleged atrocities was called upon by You Know Who earlier this week. The two Dark Lords are said to have interacted on a range of issues including the possibility of an alliance in the near future.

Our muggle expert tells that this alliance could indeed have far reaching implications for You Know Who, the reigning European Dark Lord.

According to our sources in India, Mr. Modi, a controversial figure in the sub-continent's politics, has been running an enormously successful administration for the past decade and could give a tremendous boost to the Dark Lord’s campaign by funding his activities, which of late have been found lacking in intensity compared to his last stint as Dark Lord.

From her talks with colleagues in India, our correspondent gathers that not unlike You Know Who, Muggle opposition rarely dares speak Mr. Modi's name out loud, almost always talking cryptically in third person while referring to Narendra Modi. Various sources allege (but it has never been verified) that the muggle dark lord single-handedly executed 2000 muggles within a span of three days!)

However, Mr. Modi's fortunes seem to have taken a sharp turn with his economic agenda and near flawless administrative skills at display since the last ten ears.

In the words of our Muggle expert," What Mr. Modi has to deal with are just unsubstantiated allegations, but You Know Who has waged an enduring war on the British Wizarding World, and committed war crimes that are substantiated by documentary evidence. So, it is not the same case. 

You Know Who has until now been seen as more of a terrorist than a political leader. But, if he is able to take a leaf out of Mr. Modi's book, even though he may upset the support of radicals, he might present an alternative governance model that is efficient, effective, reduces unemployment numbers, and is more on substance and less on rhetoric, and this model stands a fair chance compared to that administered by Cornelius Fudge. And this might bring him the swing vote, if he does stand for an election like Mr. Modi."

However, this could also spell trouble for You Know Who. Experts tell us that until now, the Dark Lord has taken great care to ensure that he is seen to be against the muggle way of life; which ensures a steady support from the Wizarding radicals and conservatives. But with the possibility of this new-found muggle alliance along with the rumours circulating around the circuit that the Dark Lord himself is a half-blood (born to a muggle father); his supporters might abandon him, leaving his campaign in a virtual quagmire.

Reacting to this new development, Lucius Malfoy, Chairman of Malfoy Co., well known pure blood rights activist and Dark Lord sympathiser expressed shock and disappointment, over a brief conversation with The Daily Prophet.

“Let me clear one thing. I only support You Know Who’s cause and not his methods. But this indeed is disturbing news. This new development exposes his duplicity. How can the Dark Lord champion for Pure blood rights, when he is seen associating with suspect elements from the Muggle world! Why does he have to associate with a person who is feared by his own people, the muggles themselves? The wizarding community shall not take this lightly and I strongly condemn this alliance.

Moreover, the recent rumours regarding his muggle parentage show that his entire campaign is based on a lie, a falsehood of him being a pure blood, and as such his intentions towards the future of the wizarding world indeed seem suspect.”

It remains to be seen how the events unfold. However, one thing is certain. The entry of Muggle Modi has given a new dimension to the European power struggle, at least the wizarding one.

Early risers at the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry would in a few minutes of delivery of the daily owls carrying news, hear a distinct, high-pitched, menacing evil laughter emanating from the Gryffindor table.

Hermione was giddy. Her plan was working.