Making "sense" of humor : It ain't funny

Some people are born funny, others have to work hard to make themselves seem funny to others. Unlike popular perception, I belong to the second category. I have developed this ability after exhaustive observation of people's reactions to various forms of humor.



It may seem to you that I am making unnecessary brouhaha over as light a topic as humor, but the truth is, while it is no rocket science, it is dangerous enough to cause wars. Humor is always at the expense of someone. If not thought through, it may as well be termed bullying. It should thus always be treated with extreme caution. Things can get very ugly, people though they may not express it, do get hurt deep down, so your safest target is your self.




The various nuances of Humor.

Let us see, if I can make you into a harmless funny person in a few simple lessons.



A friend recently asked me to tell a joke. I was at a loss. People should understand that I am just a situational humorist, not a stand-up comedian. The requirements of both are vastly different. While a situational humorist looks for humor in real-time day-to-day life, a comedian has more to deal with the presentation aspect as well as the occasion and decide on the type, length, and flow of the joke. So, the first lesson is, know what you are aiming for. You either memorize excellent jokes and present them or find little funny things in your daily life. Personally, I suck as a comedian.



If you want to be funny or humorous, you first need to be insightful; you need to anticipate what kind of humor works for a particular person, what works universally, and when you start getting good at it, people eventually start finding, rather looking for jokes in whatever you say or do.



Self deprecating humor: Self-criticism is the best and safest bet at humor. However, open-minded your audience may be, nothing serves their egos better than the feeling of apparent domination over anyone (in this case the humorist).

Another thing to be kept in mind with self criticism is that it should almost always be accompanied by a tongue-in-cheek reference to your apparent pride and happiness in said humor. This keeps your humor balanced and avoids reinforcement of your image as an evergreen crybaby.

This logic also holds while making fun at the expense of someone else. He/she should feel a smallest amount of pride from the humor and thus you avoid an extra person carrying a grudge against you.

For example, when I inadvertently tell you how a 7 year old trumped me in a verbal fight, or beat me up, I am not only making fun of myself having lost to a relative toddler, thus fueling your ego (in terms of strength, tact or assertiveness, really depends on the subject), but also, exhibiting maturity and patience, endearing personality traits that are universally appreciated.




Repetition is a very important aspect in humor. It creates a stereotype for the humorist that connects him to the audience by its recall factor. But one should be very careful while using a stereotype. When done rarely, it loses its recall value through which the subject connects with you, and if you fall back on it excessively, it will affect the innovation factor in your humor which will again adversely affect your popularity.




Brand of humor: I personally avoid adult references in my humor, but it really depends on the age group you mostly interact with. It also has to do with the personality that you exhibit. But my view is that, a few subtle references apart, one's "Humor Quotient" should be strong enough that you don't feel the need to fall back on the A-rated.


In a nutshell, I am very good at making very simple things into complex demons with large technical words and seemingly logical intricacies.

No, you picked the wrong nutshell !!!

What I mean to say is that if you are a standard wimp like I used to be, you will be better off as a methodical humorist. Though it is not difficult to be funny otherwise, what I have just illustrated is a safe and proven way. It really is a balancing act and an art. Finally, it is up to you if to you if you end up being rude or downright boring. Until then, enjoy your laughs !!!

Random Revisited

Welcome all to The All New Random Musings. As you must have noticed, I have backed up all the past posts (as well as your comments) in this new blog.



But what was the need for a new blog? Did I write something wrong in the previous one?



As a matter of fact I did. You see, over the past year I had shared my views on economy, politics, religion, science and life in general, but none of those articles justified my use of the term "dudiestdude" for the web address. It was merely a publicity stunt, one that had run out of its utility for a long time now. So, I present you with Payojism. A rather subtle title, compared to the downright "funky" dudiest dude.



Without further ado, Happy Reading!!!

Moving towards a Two Party Democracy

The past few weeks have been the most testing for the Indian polity since a very long time. With various central and state governments accused of corruption charges, Indian media has justifiably feasted on this "Scams Galore". However, the fact that has eluded the attention of many in this whirlwind, is the steady decline of the regional parties in India. This, above any other recent development may hold much more significance to India's future as a democracy as I shall to try to explain.

For the last two decades, the rise of regional parties in various major states like UP, Maharashtra, Bihar, Andhra Pradesh, Tamil Nadu has made coalition politics a necessity in the formation of both State and Central governments. Prominent among them have been BSP, SP, RJD, LJP, JD(U), DMK, AIADMK, Shiv Sena, and many others. The presence of these parties, though arose from the need for regional representation at the Indian parliament, has now lost significance, mostly due to their ineffectiveness in addressing their regions' problems. The problem lies here. They are neither too big like the Congress or the BJP to command equivalent funds from the corporates to fuel their national ambitions or expansions, nor are they small enough to be completely irrelevant. In a coalition, they slow down the decision making process, while, their comparatively short stature-ed ministers siphon off money, while they can (as a part of the coalition) hampering national interest in the process, as has amply been shown in case of Raja.

But recent developments seem promising. It is perhaps for the first time in the last two decades that most of the major regional parties seem to be at their weakest at the same time. With parties like SP routed in the 2009 Lok Sabha elections; RJD, LJP wiped out in the recent Bihar elections; DMK facing the same fate in Tamil Nadu, Shiv Sena already weak in Maharashtra after the rise of MNS; it seems the days of regional parties are numbered. If Mayawati loses the next elections in UP, it will serve as the final nail in the coffin of such parasitic parties. Such a scenario will not only ensure the blocking of funds from corporate houses to these parties, but also weakening of their influence. If the Congress and the BJP play right, they can effortlessly fill this power vacuum. By absorbing genuine leaders, they can check the smaller parties' influence, while strengthening their own ranks.

So, does that mean, an end to regional representation? Will it lead to undermining regional interests?

No. This will give us an opportunity to have corporate sponsored regional think-tanks which will act as lobbyists both at the center and within the two main parties. This will not only depoliticize regional interests but also bring "Lobbying" which is right now a shady business in our power corridors, in to the mainstream. This will make decision making immune to caste and religion based politics, and shift the focus towards the economy, job creation, inflation etc.

Above all, this will be the maturing of the Indian democracy, with two well defined Left and Right parties.

This may come as the first step to what I think will be a more productive and efficient governance system which can then be nudged towards Meritocracy. Read: An Alternate System of Governance: Meritocracy

A Monument to Secularity and Tolerance in Ayodhya

With all parties involved in the age old Ayodhya dispute preparing to lock horns in the Supreme Court, claiming the entire property as their own, it seems another generation of Indians will go along, fighting each other over the question of Temple or Mosque. Moreover, the possibility of the verdict going in the favor of a single community will only raise tensions and make matters worse. On the other hand, if the Supreme Court, like the Allahabad High Court gives a carefully balanced verdict after a long drawn-out war, with the scales tilting in the favor of no one in particular, the religious leaders will again be tempted to file fresh appeals. The country, in effect will be sucked into an endless cycle of apprehension and tension.

The religious leaders and the Central government alike must realise that a matter like Ayodhya, that borders more on faith than on actual land ownership, can not be solved in a court of law. What we need is a pragmatic shift in out attitude towards such disputes. I propose, a Monument to Secularity, on the disputed ground.

In the past, there have been many voices, suggesting construction of hospitals or universities in the disputed area, but I beg to differ. A hospital or a university can be built in any part of the country. We should not need the excuse of a long standing unresolvable dispute to build world class medical or educational facilities for our citizens. Building a hospital may solve the issue for good, as no one in their right mind will oppose it, but it would not do justice to the issue itself, over which thousands have lost their lives, and that has been in the Indian psyche for so many generations.

So, a monument to secularity, a modern temple of faith, that would simultaneously serve the purpose of inter-faith worship, as well as a museum depicting all the major religions of the world and their philosophies, yet displaying the vibrancy of our nation and the Tolerance and Mutual Respect among our people is what we need.

To further make my point, this will serve as a great PR exercise in reinforcing the Secular credentials of our country, besides propelling Ayodhya into a major tourist destination and helping boost the stagnant local economy. Additionally, Our country has not had an iconic structure built since the Lotus temple in Delhi. For too long have we been relying on the Taj Mahal, it is time that we move on to something new, that better describes India's character, and I think such a monument has the best chance of doing just that.

No more games in Delhi

After the recently concluded near-disaster that was the CWG games, the government has made up its mind to bid for other international sporting events too. The economic viability of such a decision notwithstanding, I am curious as to why New Delhi, the national capital gets to be the undisputed contender for hosting such large scale events within the country. First there were the Asian Games of 1982, then the Commonwealth games 2010. And now they are preparing to bid for the next Asian games and Olympics, again with Delhi as our representative.

First of all, we must understand the reason behind hosting such events. These events not only generate revenue in terms of tourism for the host nation, they also bring the country into the limelight for being able to manage such large-scale events. It is also a chance to modernise infrastructure of the host country by means of financing of major projects which leads to exponential growth in the reality sector of the host city. Also, since this infrastructure is permanent, it also serves the long term goal of better public amenities. Coupled with the tremendous scope for job generation in the days leading to and during these events, governments are naturally tempted to host such events. For example, the Beijing Olympics were seen as the rise of China as the next potential superpower with its imposing infrastructure and iconic stadia.

The above picture looks very rosy indeed, but things do not always work out the way planned. For example, It has long been stipulated that the continuing financial crisis in Greece has more to do with overspending of the country's feeble resources on the Athens Olympics. And far from showcasing India as a suitable destination for international investors and realtors alike, the CWG have only succeeded in reinforcing the image of a corrupt India. So these games need to be planned extremely carefully as they can have serous repercussions in the future.

Getting back to the point.

After the widely successful Beijing Olympics, China held the World Expo in Shanghai and plans to organise the Asian games in Guangzhou. They are giving each of their regions a chance at becoming international destinations, with modern and elegant infrastructure. If all the Indian government wants is to “cultivate sporting culture” in India, why can’t India be represented by cities like Bangalore, Ahmedabad, Pune, etc? Why does it always come down to the capital or the four over-crowded metros?

So, what is so attractive about Delhi that our decision makers are hell bent at organising every major event in the national capital? According to recent reports, the revenue expected by the organising committee at the end of the games was never met, while there were frequent cost overruns with corruption and scams galore. But perhaps that exactly is the reason why they do everything they do in the capital. It must be easier whisking away taxpayer's money from where it all ends up eventually(Sarcasm intended).

Can Windmills cause Global Cooling???

During another one of my now frequent brain storming sessions, where I think about everything from the upcoming harry Potter flick, to the electro magnetic pulses generated as a result of a Nuclear explosion, I made a rather startling observation. Wind power which is touted as one of the most promising alternative source of energy, might actually have long term consequences on the regional weather and may be even climate.

Winds, as we all know, are caused mainly by differential heating of Earth, so they can be imagined as agents taking energy (heat) from the hot regions (near the equator which receive maximum solar radiation)towards the poles. Similarly there are seasonal winds and local ones near large water bodies, where they are produced due to high specific heat of water, which makes sure that there is always a temperature gradient during the day and night(Wind blows from the water body towards the Land during day, and vice versa during the night). There are also localized forms, where vertical winds are produced due to high temperature at the sea level compared to higher altitudes.

Now, a wind turbine taps the Kinetic energy of the wind (which is in turn a function of the temperature gradient across which wind flow is taking place). So, at the outlet, the wind will have significantly less speed as compared to the upstream of the turbine. So, for this subdued wind to reach its destination (where it would have reached had there not been a wind turbine), the wind will have to absorb the heat from the downstream of the wind mill. And there we have it, the wind mill has resulted in localized regional cooling.

So, let us assume that we install a sufficient number of wind turbines near, say a coastline. So by above logic, wind flowing from the sea towards the surface will loose a major part of its energy at the turbine(where we are harnessing this energy to produce electricity), and will absorb heat from the surface in the turbines's downstream to renew its onward journey. So, we are seeing a localized cooling effect (neglecting heat generated due to blade friction, which might as well cancel out the marginal cooling thus produced).

So, while also helping the cause of Green energy, the wind mills may also offset global warming.

But it should be noted that in a sufficiently large number they can also influence local weather in the immediate vicinity and the implications of any such trends can not be simplified based on just a few scientific variables.

A new Solar approach...

During one of my off late recurring sessions of black-out, where I stare at nothing in particular, thinking about vague things, I came up with the idea of using Silicon based photo voltaic cells in a new way.

We all know that Silicon being a semi-conductor (having an energy gap in between that of metals and non-metals) gets excited by a certain frequency of electro-magnetic radiation, which leads to production of holes (absence of electrons) which leads to a current in the circuit. Since, photons of visible light are able to provide this requisite energy, solar cells are used in a few commercial purposes as an alternative, clean energy source.

However, this method has one disadvantage. Due to the rotation of Earth about its axis, we do not get the electricity during night or even cloudy days, when there is no sunlight; and even during the length of a day, the orientation of the solar panels needs to be adjusted continuously to get the highest intensity of light, thus making solar energy obsolete for large scale purpose.

Which brings us to my new idea, that of using solar photo voltaic effect to produce electricity from the residual radioactivity from the fuel used in nuclear plants or spent fuel which needs to be disposed off safely, and has no use. After all, the energy carried by the Gamma rays produced as a result of radioactivity has a much higher energy (though that won't influence the amount of electricity so produced) than visual light, so it can very well be used. There are still a few loose points in this theory regarding how to maximise the intensity of the Gamma rays to an extent as to make for economical electricity production (which unlike in the case of visible light will be available round the clock and throughout the year),and if there will be some effect on the Silicon nuclei as a result of this residual radioactivity, which might affect its properties. There is also the issue of practicality of such an experiment, as maintenance of the solar panels will be difficult in such high radiation zones.

Nevertheless, I personally believe that such alternatives need to be considered if we want solar photo voltaic technology to be feasible enough for large scale purpose.

Not a party person...

After spending 3 years at the college, it will come as a surprise to many people that I have attended a total of 4 parties in the last three years, 2 of which were school affairs.

I feel helpless while formulating a valid reason to not attand a party. Not only do I have to make sure that the person concerned does not imagine apparent contempt towards their achievement from me, but also that the reason seems reasonable enough.

Having said that, it is my humble appeal to all my friends that I do not need a party for an excuse to feel happy about your achievement, I already am, and I sincerely hope that all of you succeed in your respective lives. So, please be understanding when I quite unceremoniously or bluntly tell you that I won't attend your job or b'day treat. Nor do I feel the need to throw an exorbitant party, just to make you feel good about my accomplishment. So, if I ever do give a party, it will be a decidedly small affair, most probably in the eternally cheap canteen.

If it is of interest to you, when I was young, I used to celebrate my b'day 3-4 times a year, as a one year wait seemed a bit too long to me. But over the years, I have transitioned into a completely different person. I am uncomfortable in very large gatherings (more than 8-9 people) as it becomes difficult to process all that information at one go. I do not generally dance in large crowds(I do not think of it as dance, some people just keep on jumping at a single spot, while others make wierd gestures with their limbs). So, logically speaking there is not much for me to do at a party.

The following lines may sound as if coming from an obnoxious person and a protectionist economist. I am sure most of my friends will not agree with most of the stuff, as they hold emotional value in much high regard over anything materialistic. But this is a no holds barred narrative, so bear with me. And for the record, I am a supporter of free market economy.

I feel that partying is the most inefficient way of splurging hard-earned money. It does not involve possession of any hard commodity so it does not have any intrinsic physical value. Though I agree, it does fuel demand for the ever-expanding Hospitality industry, I would rather prefer Foreign income in the form of Tourism instead of recirculation of Domestic currency. This may sound protectionist as it invariably supports a decrease in economic activity, and a higher savings rate, these are my real views on the phenomenon of partying.

I am also sceptical (as is my favourite screen character Mr. Sheldon Cooper) of the institution of Gift giving. Not only is it a tedious and wasteful enterprise, it involves careful analysis of the physical and emotional needs of a person better understood by the individual himself. So, I would prefer if instead of spending on a party, you would spend your money on something that you hope to buy for yourself some day.

That being said, do party hard. You have my best wishes!!!

The Plight of CWG: Even our Gods are nervous!

In their monthly appraisal with the executive members of the Heaven, the trinity asked the King of the Gods about the state of affairs in God's own country in the run-up to the CWG.

Lord Brahma: Mr. Indra, We have been hearing distressing news during our daily prayer review. Many of the executives involved in the preparation of the CWG have been blaming excessive rains as the culprit behind the slow construction work going on, floods in various parts of the country notwithstanding. If this goes on, we will have to order an external audit into the state of affairs at your office. Do you have anything to say in your defense?

Indra: Sir, with due respect, I would like to point to the fact that if I had not made it rain excessively in north India, there would have been a drought-like situation which coupled with the inflation would have made the life of the people miserable. Had that happened, then also, the earthlings would have blamed me! And it is a well documented fact that floods have been occurring due to the miserly attitude shown by the dam authorities to store water for producing electricity. They are stocking up for the better part of next year, and release large quantities at the last moment, thus, causing flood-like situations.
As for the CWG, it is unreasonable of them to expect dry days in the middle of the monsoon season! In fact, I believe they should have worked non-stop the previous year when it actually rained less.

Lord Brahma: And why did it rain less the previous year?

Indra: If the Trinity will kindly look at their Order-B6-432, you will find that you had announced the previous year as the Global warming awareness year, and asked all concerned authorities to act accordingly.

Lord Brahma: Oh yes, age hasn’t been kind to us. But still, have you found any solution to this problem?

Indra: Sir, we have started making a list of negligent officials and politicians, that we will give to Lord Vishnu, as and when he decides upon his next Avatar (looking expectantly)

Lord Vishnu: I am sorry Lord Indra, but I do not see that happening in the near future, The avatar is still in the planning stages, there is way too much work to be done, and since, the old magic tricks and shows of supernatural power are not possible in these times, not to mention the strict moral code for celebrities, it will be a while till the next avatar. I advise you to send your agents on Earth to collect evidence against corrupt officials instead. It becomes very difficult during their conviction here, with so many bail applications. Besides, these measures do not look after the present state of affairs...So, ensure that there are no more rains at least for the next ten days both in the construction area and the catchment areas of the concerned dams. Try and keep the weather pleasant, send some undercover agents from heaven, to make sure no more bridges go down at least during the ceremony, and yes, take care of any suspicious activity.

Lord Indra: Do I authorize the agents to use magic, if necessary?

Lord Vishnu: Of course Mr. Indra, how else do you expect the structures to hold!!

Lord Indra: As you wish, sir. On the security front, the “Cow Squad” had been equipped with the modern intelligence gathering apparatus, but the human authorities are adamant at keeping them away from the venues during the games in order to improve the aesthetics of the city. We are contemplating using pigeons for the same.

Lord Vishnu: Yes, hurry up with that.

Lord Shiva: But would it not make people suspicious if there are no hitches at all? The construction is after all sub-standard.

Lord Vishnu: The Indians are wishful dreamers. They won’t notice a thing. And those who do, will be kept under the wraps by the human authorities. I do not think any more glitches will go down well with the rest of the world.

Lord Brahma: That settles it then. End of the meeting. Do pass on to the agents that there will be extra perks for them on smooth functioning of the games.

A fond memory...

The world is suddenly a much brighter and happier place...It is amazing how a single event can change your whole perspective towards life...

It has been exactly 2 weeks since I was placed at Linde and the idea has finally started to sink in. After the exorbitant celebrations (which were happily conducted in the pleasurable company of my best friend--that is me) over the past 2 weeks, I have realized that this is perhaps the first time since years that I have truly felt alive.

Linde is one of the very few accomplishments that I am proud of, more so because of the near perfect and flawless way (which is not the case with what I do mostly) in which I went through the entire process. You see I always appreciate perfection in life, though I am far from achieving it, that one day, I was as near to it as I ever got. It was like a dream day for me.

That day will be etched in my memory for a long, long time. As my name was announced, the world literally went blank. Though I had been expecting the job offer after the excellent interview, the actual announcement hit me like a load of bricks. I had a job! As the newly-placed and their crowd of friends went ahead to party, a still shocked me, caught an auto-rickshaw to catch the 7:30 bus. I do not generally like busy streets and heavy traffic, which is why I avoid the rush hour, but as I stepped out of the auto, the whole world seemed to be a happier place, the normally irritating neon lights gleamed as did the people around me, all of whom seemed to have a permanent smile pasted on their lips. The world had suddenly become a much brighter and happier place to live in.

As the hangover finally wears off, I am left with a few fond memories of the day. Maybe one day, when I am an old (still awesome) man, and recollect my life, I will fondly remember my first interview, the borrowed tie from Saurabh, Vishal helping me tie the knot, while all the other friends offered encouraging advice, me nervously sitting on the desk waiting for my interview, and those golden 20 minutes...

What does independence mean to us?

Every year, the whole country celebrates 15th August as our independence day. There are plenty of articles in all the newspapers and magazines praising our nation's long and prosperous history. There are various concerts on TV, we get to listen to quotable quotes from the world's who's who, that they cook up leisurely, while we smile gleefully and feel proud of our magnificent past. They inescapably go on about our democratic credentials. Every year the Prime Minister and the President talk about India becoming a superpower in the foreseeable future. News channels try to reacquaint us with the freedom fighters. All this is pretty routine stuff.

But, to be honest, 15th August is just another holiday to me. A day when I get to wake up late in the morning. Mess up my daily routine in the best way possible, and may be catch a bit of editorials in TOI. I find it useless to listen to the speeches. I anyway know them by heart.

I am sorry, but I really don't connect with the lousy westerner's idea of the magical and mystical India. "The cradle of Human race" Well, I don't know about the past, but with our burgeoning population, that might very well be true in today's context.

Though I have tremendous respect for our freedom fighters and their ethics; except for a few values, their passion for freedom is all that inspires me. I rather prefer people like Einstein, Bohr, Raman, Bhabha, APJ Abdul Kalam as my heroes. So, I mostly avoid going to independence day celebrations. After all, I can still commemorate them sitting at home...Actually, that's lame...but I am lazy, so that's that.

I have been disillusioned with our democratic values. The only thing that we have here in India is the extremely exaggerated form of freedom of expression, which of course I have been using liberally.

Every general election I try and hope that some other party get to power, but without fail my great countrymen ensure that the same people get to be my rulers year after year. It feels more like Monarchy behind an extremely hideous mask of Democracy. I do not understand, how one can feel empowered by getting to push a button every five years. They should rather feel ashamed of the fact that in spite of practicing their right for the better part of the century, we still face the same problems that we faced when we became independent, with a few stray figures here and there.

And I always thought that I was disastrously optimistic in my views...

and yes, of course, Happy Independence Day to all...:D

The Burden of Tradition and History...

A few days ago, while writing a shopping list in Hindi, I found out, not only have I degraded my calligraphy skills in Hindi (as if it were even possible in the first place), 6 years after I last wrote a sentence in Hindi in my board exams, I can barely write anything in my native language. My Hindi teacher at school had predicted this long ago. Of course, he meant it in a degrading manner. It is significant, that Hindi is the only Indian language I know of, so it is kind of scary that when the need arrives, I won't be able to communicate my ideas in writing through this language. Maybe, I am not a language person after all. It surprises even me that after having lived the whole of my life in Gujarat, I can barely speak Gujarati to this day, and can read it to a certain extent due to its proximity with Hindi.

But, during the same period, my English language skills have improved vastly. So, from where I see it, I have just evolved to get better connected to the Global community.

As the world gets even more globalized; tradition, heritage, and language will eventually become a burden passed on to the youth by their myopic elders. After all, India has more than 2500 years of history and culture; at some point we will have to let go of a few unnecessary things, get our culture in sync with the modern times. If we keep falling back on the excuse of conserving our age-old traditions, the Indian culture will stagnate overtime. Moreover, it is the open-minded questioning, and revolting attitude of the youth that can usher in new innovations both in science and life in general.

Why cling on to diversity and identity, when we all can unite under the umbrella of a global culture? Most of us here may not remember the song Vande Mataram, but if just a song were a yardstick of patriotism, then it would have been a cheap commodity. In an increasingly inter-connected world, we are required to know about the cultures and traditions of other countries too. So, it does seem selfish of our elders to make us remember and value all of their traditions in addition to everything else.

So, a day may come, when like Sanskrit, Hindi may also be lost at the altar of Globalization. It is also possible, that with our sheer numbers and hopefully strong economy we force a diminished version of Hinglish on the world. Either way, life and tradition as we know them now will definitely change over the course of our lives. That does not make us or our descendants any less "Indian" than the freedom fighters who fought for our independence. India, does not live in its languages and culture, it thrives inside its people and the spirit will always remain the same even if their mode of expression changes. That spirit is of humanity.

So, the next time you are degraded by the elders for alienating from the traditions, you can give a logical explanation, that of evolution. We have not forgotten the traditions, we just happen to know their latest evolved version.

I hope I become a believer again…

The following discussion may seem a bit odd to some of you. It is because I generally shy away from such deep and serious matters at college and try to be light hearted. But as I have been told, blogs are meant to show your inner self, to express what you truly believe in. So, here I go, giving up all pretensions, writing straight from the heart.

If any of you has been close enough to me in my personal life, you must be under the pretension that I am a very religious person, in that, I never, throughout the year, eat breakfast or anything for that matter, before taking a bath, and offering prayers. Some of you might even have seen me going to temple many times. What you don't know is that this is only what you think you see me doing. Though the habit started years ago when I was still at school, when I was indeed a staunch believer, and offered prayers sincerely, I realized along the way, that it becomes difficult to be a true student of science, and be a theist at the same time. As a result, what you see me doing today, is justified by my mind as a healthy way of living, so as to clear my conscience that I am still faithful to my true passion—that of science. The essence of science is to question long-held beliefs with hard-facts. If you, regardless of being a disciple of science, are blinded by unsubstantiated beliefs, then, you really can't understand science in its most basic form. At best you can be agnostic, looking tirelessly for some sort of symmetry between the laws of physics and the unexplained.

Even though people like me question its very foundation, religion truly is one of the greatest concepts, one that defines the whole mankind, just like science does. It gives hope to some, living in acute poverty, from the sub-Saharan Africa, to various parts of Asia, while making other millions to sacrifice their lives in the name of holy war, to save and secure something, that they have never seen in their lives, and probably may never see; that has simply been hammered down over generations.

So, what is so attractive about believing in God? Why hand over the reins of your destiny in the hands of an invisible entity that might not even exist? Perhaps it is the only solace for the destitute, who after working for 18 hours, still live on the edge, without shelter, clothes, or food, that some almighty power shall take pity, and improve their lives, in a world full of selfishness and distrust. Perhaps, one feels, that may be after suffering so much, they could satisfy the almighty with their prayers, to secure a better life the next time. OR maybe, for the powerless, it seems like an attractive idea, that there is some great, ultimate power out there that can set every thing in order, with just a thought, what they would never be able to achieve on their own.

Of course, a desperate man will believe almost anything. Can Science help such people? No. And it might never be able to. Unlike religion, science cannot provide hope or spiritual satisfaction, it can only provide material comforts to those who can pay for it and work to obtain it.

Had there not been the concept of religion; the destitute, knowing that this is the only chance at a life that they have, would have eventually worked up a civil unrest. So, religion makes people behave in a certain humane way, which we call as Morality. Religion drives inside the minds of everyone, a conscience and feelings of guilt for something interpreted as to be wrong.

And that is why, I never discourage people who believe. Perhaps, they are the only reason, that us, the followers of Science are able to work in a comparatively peaceful world today.

When I look at the sadhus thronging Kumbhs, or moving around the country praising God, living at the bare minimum, but still satisfied and happy, I find that with science comes the restlessness, which though, is necessary for the continuity of a civilization by constant innovation, robs us of internal peace. We live away our whole lives in our constant pursuit of true knowledge, while these men of God live off, blissfully ignorant.

What attracts me the most towards religion though, is the concept of immortality. May be it is a consequence of youth, but it is difficult for me to come to terms with the only scientifically logical explanation of death, that of an end of existence. Somehow, the idea to linger on seems way too attractive than the absolute end of consciousness. Unlike the villainous way in which it is mostly portrayed in literature, the idea of being able to see the generations change, the world develop, and may be one day perish, only to be reborn again, does seem attractive. The idea of Moksha, as described in Buddhism and my own religion, however, does not appeal to me. May be it is because I have mostly lived a comfortable and well-off life, but nevertheless even the constant circle of life and death sounds more attractive.

As the long tug-of-war comes to an end, as always, Logic triumphs, but still somewhere inside me, a part hopes, that I become a believer again...

IPL--The most explicit exercise in consumerism in India

The yearly celebration of cricket in India is finally over, but IPL continues to be in headlines courtesy those disgruntled politicians and ex-cricketers, who weren't able to profit from this cash-spinning extravaganza.

But these people, along with the media have failed to recognise the true nature of IPL. It was never about cricket. Had it been, then they could have as easily changed the name of the Ranji trophy and be done with. It is about the rise of Capitalism in India. While the early intentions of Lalit Modi and co. might have been towards betterment of cricket and domestic ranji players, they were quick and smart to realise that, had IPL been promoted on the lines of the Ranji trophy it would never have worked. The support and ownership of Bollywood as well as corporates lended not only the much-needed glamour, but a large infinite market to the advertisers, not to mention huge money.

Unlike many of my friends, when I watch an IPL match, I do not care who is playing and who is winning. There is no point in spoiling my day over something that at the end of the day is still domestic cricket. I instead see giant hoardings and an MRF airship floating over the stadium. I see how every decision of the third umpire is preceded and succeeded by the Kingfisher ad. I notice how, almost every match completes its full quota of 40 overs even if initially the batting team was in tatters and how the bowler seems to wait for the ad on the scoreboard to end before bowling the fourth bowl of every over. I can cite many more such instances.

In a nutshell, IPL is about the rise of consumerism in India. It tells you that there is such a large domestic market out there that Pepsi, Coca-cola, Sprite and Maaza, all can sponsor the same match and get more eyeballs and publicity than all of Ekta Kapur's soaps combined.

Governments around the world including India, took various measures to increase domestic demand in order to sustain growth in view of depreciating global demand during the recession; If IPL is fueling domestic demand, thus helping our economy expand, then why cry over morality, as was witnessed in the Indian parliament which is convened by ancient(both in age and their outlook) ministers who have redefined morality and decency in their political lives. Needless to say, almost all parties and senior leaders were in favour of scrapping IPL on the grounds of morality and explicity, and sacking Lalit Modi for causing financial irregularities. Wherever huge money is involved, irregularities are bound to happen, and sometimes, such irregularities even make for good business sense; and the kind of financial irregularities our leaders have shown in whatever they do over the past 60 years, they do not qualify to comment on the IPL or Modi.

So, my message to our leaders and the media would be--By all means, sack Modi for whatever rigging he has done, but recognise his invaluable contribution to the rise of Consumerism in our country and don't even in your wildest dreams, think of scrapping or modifying IPL for the sake of morality.

Where Capitalism wins...Part-III

The Concept of Horizontal development:

Highly industrialised and urbanised states like Maharashtra and Gujarat do not get sufficient funds from the centre because of the stupid (at least I think so) ideology of the UPA --that of horizontal development (If some region or some set of demographics are somehow benefitting more, from the existing policies or by virtue of their skill or profession, or availability of resources, then no more resources need be allocated for their further development, and the money meant for these affluent regions be diverted to the unprivileged regions, whose standard of living has been stagnant, be it due to lack of skills among the workforce, poor policies or poor implemetation, non-availability of resources, etc. Mostly, such a policy is backed by stating the chances of social unrest in the poor sections due to lack of resources).

So they siphon off the money from higher GDP and well developed states like Gujarat and Maharashtra, and fund the inefficient states like U.P., orissa, etc. In essence, we are being punished both for the inefficiency of the bimaru states and being a well developed state. Such problems do not arise in a capitalist society, where the development of the developed is not sacrificed for the needs of the under-developed. As Capitalism provides equal development opportunities to all, it comes down to the regional governments of the undeveloped states to be more efficient, and the industry in that region to be more competitive. Instead, the government should find ways to better frame and implement its policies. It will be better to plug the holes before pumping huge amounts of cash down the drain.

Where Capitalism wins...Part-II

Disinvestment/Privatisation:

For all kinds of development that a government undertakes, money comes out to be the main motive force. Now, how do they get this money? They may of course increase the taxes, or lower subsidies, both of which cannot be implemented in a major way because of round-the-year elections in our country for fear of facing the public's ire. The government has some Public Sector undertakings, whose revenues and dividends can partly fuel the country's development needs. But the performance of PSUs is often found to be less than satisfactory than their private sector counterparts. So, as we enter a more globalised world with our age-old static institutions, who have never been competitive due to support from government, we end up loosing precious business to the more efficient private players of other countries. For example, in the private sector, bankruptcy is taken seriously. In contrast, public sector managers tend to be relatively relaxed about the prospect. Drastic adjustments do not take place, as the managers know that there is no real danger of extinction. The answer to these problems is Privatisation, where government gives up the majority stake to a private enterprise. This is a win-win situation for both the parties involved as it provides the government with huge funds, that may be used to build critical infrastructure ( in India's case) for accelerating growth while enhancing the performance of the formar PSU. The best example is of Maruti whose privatisation brought more than 2000 crores to the government kitty while visibly improving its performance after privatisation. Privatisation, however, cannot be implemented everywhere. There is afterall a chance of greed coming over national interest. So, the best course is Disinvestment, where the government sells some equity to private stakeholders, while retaining the majority share, to maintain its hold over the industries that are critical for the country.

To give you a better idea, while the sale of 25% stake in Maruti fetched the government 2000 crores back then, a miniscule disinvestment of 5% in NTPC (from 89.5% to 84.5%) will fetch a handsome 8100 crores, and there is scope for at least 10-15% more divestment!

Though it was claimed to be a victim of coalition politics in the UPA's previous term, there is no such compulsion now, with Left no longer a stakeholder in the government. Still, the process of disinvestment has been slow and dismal, compared to the time of NDA 10 years ago, when there was a separate disinvestment ministry for this purpose, which more than anything else shows the difference in econmic policies of the BJP and Congress.

Where Capitalism wins...Part-I

The western world (which by extension refers to the whole world) classifies politics as left and right (curiously based on the sitting tendencies of certain leaders with communist beliefs to the left of the French president). Of course, there are sub-divisions like center-left, far-left, center-right, far-right, etc.

The politics on the left of the spectrum generally opposes the forces of globalisation, capitalism, and root for public and government control over most or critical installations in the country. They hope for equitable and horizontal development of the society.

The politics on the right generally, favours limited state control, and greater liberalization as regards the businesses in the country. They instead of going for horizontal development believe in the trickle-down effect which basically means, that even if the rich do get richer, the benefits of any sort of development will eventually trickle down to the poorest sections of the society.

By now, you must have understood that both the systems have there own advantages and disadvantages. While, under socialism or communism the rich and the middle class is made to suffer or for want of a more polite description made to shoulder the burden of the predominantly rural and pro-poor reforms, a right wing political party's ideology though favouring equal development opportunities to all, has mostly been found to be negligent towards the poor in the society.

So, logically, India, being a mixed economy must be the best and most balanced case for development with the best of both worlds approach. Alas, we have a tendency to screw up even the best scenarios.

For the past 6 years we have had a center-left government at the center.

It is an irony that the country that is most set to gain from globalisation is having a center-left government at the center. Now, in the next few articles, I will share a few examples that I can think of where right wing politics would have made a better case for both governance and development.

Not so excited about Hockey...

When India won a hockey match against Pakistan recently, everyone was very gung-ho about hockey's renewed prospects in India. The news was everywhere on TV, people had started updating their status messages on facebook, orkut and the new Buzz.

Though I am not very expectant when it comes to news channels, even they had conjured Hockey experts out of nowhere! There were endless discussions about the state of Indian Hockey, how in spite of being the national game, it doesn't get the same eyeballs and the same enthusiasm as cricket. The anchors and TV experts alike proclaimed that this victory has signaled a new beginning for hockey in our country.

I hardly think so!

First of all, I would confess that I am perhaps the most anti-sports kind of guy you will ever come across. Not because I think that it is worthless, I am a hardcore cricket fan, but for me gaming and sports will always be a secondary activity, a hobby at the most. I am not fiercely competitive, so it is really difficult for me to get excited about any game. Add to that my priority about the well-being of my bones and limbs, the idea of playing even cricket with anything harder than a rubber ball is out of question.

I don't even understand the fuss about excelling in sports, getting Olympic medals, etc. I mean do we have any justification for starting a new programme for the development of sporting skills in the country, when we have a very high percentage of children dropping out of schools, and even those, who do complete their studies, are not good enough to be employed. Whenever, India performs miserably in some International games, everyone from media to politicians to eminent personalities, ask the same question "Why can't a country of a billion people not secure a single Gold medal?" I ask them, wouldn't it be better, if we educate these billion people to become good engineers and managers, and outsource them to those countries (like Australia) where people happily grow up to become sportsmen. Afterall, for all our investment on infrastructure and coaching, only 10-11 people who go on to become international sportsmen will have an actual chance to improve their lifestyle. I believe that sports can become a valid career option only in a financially secure society; otherwise, even the great Dhyan Chand was impoverished in his last days!

And lastly, I think that the golden days of hockey are long gone, now we should let this burden of history slip away from our already over-burdened shoulders and let future take its course.

Instead, we know we are very good at cricket, so we should go all out and publicize it in other countries, provide more options and opportunities to domestic cricketers. If we are not good at something, why lament about it, just publicize aggressively what we are good at. Make cricket so big that hockey dies a slow death elsewhere in the world too.

Note: This article has been betaed by agamemnon

Why India needed British rule...

2-3 years ago, such a thought would have been preposterous to me. But now that I think about it, India would have been only slightly better than Africa, had there not been British rule.

When the British started expanding in India, it was being ruled by the later mughals whose vision for the country was clouded by their own lust for power and royalty. India had lost the momentum that the Mauryas, the Guptas, and other such dynasties had created over the years in terms of scientific innovations. Though one can counter that Mughals gave India excellent architecture, and perhaps had the best taxing system of their time and may be even afterwards, but culture can only take you so far. If it is not backed by constant innovation and allowed to stagnate, it serves no one.

Actually, the only thing that the Mughals did well was to make the Indian economy attractive enough for the Europeans to be interested in. Otherwise, India with its vast natural resources was no better than Africa.

Now, let us move further, if India were to participate in the World wars, which they would have under the Mughals (though, as a faithful believer in the chaos theory, I don't think world wars would even have happened, had India not been a colony under the British), imagine the state of affairs, though India would have had a very substantial army, we should remember that we were able to get past the two world wars unscathed largely due to the military supremacy of the British and the allied forces.

On the technology front, British gave us modern infrastructure, in the form of railways, the expertise for which we would not have had. Railways, perhaps are the single largest contributor to the national GDP of our country even today, just think, we are still using British infrastructure, whose cost would have been enormous if we had attempted that on our own. They erected factories working on the latest technologies, made roads and bridges, and developed infrastructure in Indian cities, comparable to the best in the world at that time.


And now the most important point, when the British came to India, the influence of the Mughals had already started to vain. The British united the whole sub-continent against one common enemy, which had not been possible for centuries of other foreign invasions. What Ghazni couldn't do in 6 invasions, British were able to do, by simply trying to "civilize" us! Had it not been for them, the Indian sub-continent with such varied cultures, and languages, would have been the next Europe!

Yes, they did oppress our ancestors; they sowed the seeds of the Hindu-Muslim hatred that still mars the peace between two nuclear capable neighbors. But it should be noted that India had always been on the radar of foreign powers, and had been invaded by many other powers throughout its history. The British didn't come here to spend their resources and technology for the welfare of a people halfway across the world, they wanted Gold, and they took it, again like many others had done in the history, it is just that something clicked in the Indian psyche that propelled a whole nation to march against them.

The crust of the matter is that knowingly or unknowingly, the British did do some good for us.

It is time we come to terms...with our history...

Regionalism in India

How does one define regionalism? It is roughly an ideology that centers on the interests of a particular region, which may be a geographical area, or a cultural entity belonging to people, majority of whom speak a common language, follow a common religion, etc.

Unlike the conventional negative portrayal reinforced by the myopic media, I believe regionalism is essential for the said region to progress continuously and evenly. Without regionalism, people would be content with whatever small resources they have and won't yearn for more. They won't associate their ambitions with the place they live in, and thus, will be complacent towards development of the region.

Everyone needs a driving force to work beyond one's comfort zone; after all it was the idea of independence from the British rule that served as a passion that brought millions of Indians together. It is the government's apathy towards the poor and down-trodden in the eastern states that has made people passionate about their rights, and this is what created and sustained the Naxal movement in our country.

Thus, the idea of regionalism works differently for different regions of our country. While in places like Mumbai, where regionalism has become such an obsession, at least to some people (but sadly, they call the shots there), that they would rather think of the city as a city-state, independent of the country where it lies. Here, many natives have inferred that their city is being pulled back due to the large inflow of people from other parts of the country, and that some of these people have also stolen the jobs, that might have been theirs.

This same idea has done wonders in the states like Gujarat and Karnataka, where it has propagated regional nationalism or rather stateism. People of Gujarat have welcomed the participation of people of other states to the development of the state wholeheartedly, and that’s the whole point of the concept of India. If we were meant to be born and spend the rest of our lives at a single place, then, these states would rather have been separate countries. Regionalism in Gujarat has made the inhabitants, whether the natives or the migrants, passionate about the development of their state, and they all contribute towards that goal. This is most evident in the fact that Gujarat has the least labor (who, like in Mumbai, largely come from other states) unrest, if at all, in the country. Similarly, Bangalore in Karnataka has become the IT capital of India, attracting youngsters from all parts of the country to work in the booming sector.

Having lived my whole life in Gujarat, I would go as far as to say, that Gujarat has evolved a unique system, where there are multiple levels of regionalism operating simultaneously, and harmoniously, thus, fostering a healthy competition that drives people to excel. For example, I would like my city, Surat, to be the most developed city of the country, but would still be joyous when Ahmadabad BRTS gets international recognition, and would still wish for Delhi to be better than other major cities of the world.

So, it comes down to the people at the helm of affairs. Both The Senas in Mumbai are in essence using regionalism as a way of strengthening the cause of natives, while disrupting national integration, while Mr. Modi the and previous governments, have used regionalism to motivate the populace towards inclusive development, which ultimately does help India.

It is for the people of Mumbai, and the rest of the country to decide which kind of regionalism they would like to see in their state.

Villains are Heroes???

Recently, I started thinking about the actions and psychology of a villain.

The villains are, or coincidentally happen to be, the most practical characters off all the other characters in any story. Their thoughts always seem to be much ahead of their time, where they can bend or mould their conscience to suit their interests. They have no set ideologies, and are extremely open-minded. You see, every classic villain has some justification for his actions, it's not like “I know that the hero is always right but I am doing this because I am a bad and cruel guy”. No, that's not how things go in the mind of a villain. At least I think so. Even when they try to take over the world, they want to change the world order, for the better, by being the change they want. They do not sit ideally waiting for change to occur by some divine intervention, or through some "Knight in shining armour". They are their own means.

Everyone has some or other justification for each and every action of their's. It’s just that the villain's idea of good/bad and right/wrong does not coincide with the sentiment of the majority and the general psyche of the society. These are path breaking people who in spite of knowing that the society doesn't approve of their actions, think the other way, somehow justify it to their mind (excellent arguing skills), and do it (the guts!!!). A villain doesn't worry about the afterlife, about other people's thoughts over his actions; about morality and ethics in general; he just lives in the moment and makes the most of it.

Think of Galileo for example. Had science not evolved the way it has, if in the minds of people like us, earth was still in the centre of the universe. What, then, would have been our impression of Galileo? He would have been documented, if at all, as a traitor, a mad man of sorts, who propagated false beliefs and questioned the divine authority. Very close to a bad man, who challenges the heroes -- the God people, the Church. In short, a villain.

Which brings us to the question of good/bad and right/wrong. What may be treated as right/ good in one context may become wrong/bad for the other. Nothing in this world can be said to be truly good/right. For us maybe, but there is always a villain out there to challenge our view.

How would you define "good"? I believe it is a moral belief or action that is subscribed to by the majority (at least 95%) of the society. The people who go against this are thought to be immoral, when they have only set another set of standards for their idea of morality that is different from ours.

Heroes on the other hand, seem always to be prudish in their thoughts and approach towards life. They would always do or think the same way as the society, will never think out of its domain. They will go down in history for their ultimate closeness to a society's highest moral standard, but, will they ever question their actions? Will they ever look at things from the villain’s point of view or confront their own morals, the way a villain has to do every now and then? The hero, thus, will never be able to think out of the box. He will never discover something new. If by thinking out of the box, a villain finds a new idea, a new, may be better concept of life for the future, that either instinctively becomes good in the eyes of society, or even blurs the difference between good and bad, then this villain will become a far greater hero. He will become the greatest of his age. Like Columbus, who is more famous and has far more reputation than the lesser Vasco De Gama. So, to become the greatest of the heroes, you first have to question the existing, become a villain.

The classical example, in case, can be Ravana, the ultimate bad man. But on a closer look, visualize him in the following way:

A Brahmin, the son of a sage who went on to rule a large country on his own (in the story, they say, he conquered even the planets), took on the dominance of the powerful Aryans. It was only after he became a hero towards the cause of his race, that he made some foolish decisions.

Compare this with Ram, son of a king with a vast empire in Ayodhya, so he already had some power and influence and didn't have to start from scratch as Ravana. If you subtract the menacing moustache, and the maniacal laugh as has been carved in our minds by the TV serials, Ravana was a learned man.

At last, I found out something much more important than all this. Trying to justify a villain is the best way of approaching impartiality, which I have always believed is the greatest virtue, above good or bad. After all, rejecting and being critical of long held beliefs, drives people to inventions and discoveries. And that's what drives a civilization out of stagnation.

Unfogging the future!!!

Disclaimer: Read the following article at your own risk. The author won't be held responsible and won't refund your expenses for yourself using disprin after reading this one. This is not meant for the faint hearted. It might get very confusing from the beginning itself, and will be the ultimate test of your patience, well except if you have previously been exposed to my killer pjs :D

So let’s start.

I have been thinking for quite some time, the basis of predicting the future, and if it is at all possible, and if possible, of any use at all. Let us say, I go to an astrologer, and he predicts something undesirable happening to me, say a road accident. For the time being, let us also believe that whatever he has predicted must come true. Naturally, over the next few days, I would try to keep away from the roads and lock myself at my home, but that would lead to the future foretold by the astrologer to be false. So, in effect, by warning me of an imminent danger, the future as predicted by the astrologer wouldn’t happen.

Also, if the future predicted, is like the writing on the wall, and will have to happen in spite of anything and everything I do, then, what's the use of me knowing the inevitable future and fretting about it until the time that it actually happens?

So, my point is, if someone or something were ever able to predict future, they should only be able to predict various, actually, hundreds of different realities that could have existed that would depend on the different reactions of a person to a single action. And now comes the chaos theory (I won't define it, coz even if I do; you are going to look it up for yourself).

For a very crude understanding, from an oft sited illustration: A butterfly's wings might create tiny changes in the atmosphere that may ultimately alter the path of a tornado or delay, accelerate or even prevent the occurrence of a tornado in a certain location...That's chaos theory for u...When we apply the chaos theory in this context, we can conclude that the farther the future predicted, the lesser is the probability of it happening, as it would get influenced by a million actions of a million people!

So, instead of predicting an accident in the next few days, the astrologer should have told me, that if you are out on a bike on the wrong side of the road at 9 in the morning near adajan circle on a weekday, the chances of an accident are very high, they decrease if you are at the right side, if you are in a bus they will be even less, finally if you are at home due to a bunk, no probs dude!

On a lighter note, a person or machine that could somehow predict accurate future should be able to predict different scenarios on how I will fare in my test, if I ate khaman in my breakfast, or dosa, or patra, or just corn flakes!

Random thought: Would the world have been the same if Alexander the great, had had a bad stomach just before he attacked India or is it possible that different sneezing patterns of the Mahatma, could alter the course of history?

Its an eclipse, so what!

"Surya grahan ke dauran kya kiya jaye aur kya na kiya jaye, is sab k baare mein vistaar se bataenge ek chhote se break ke baad.Dekhte rahiye....;Grahan k samay ghar k bahar na niklein, kuch na khayein, blah nlah blah, magar yadi aap bimar hain, aur vridh aur bachchon k liye maaf hai...".One news channel invited a "scientist" ( I am suspicious of her credentials) who intertwined the solar energy and lunar energy with the inner spiritual energy inside all human beings that "fluctuate" during the eclipse and so people shouldn't eat during the eclipse!

My mind is numb with the same words repeated the whole day through and through. You see the usual case is that I want to see the news, while my mother would rather watch her daily soaps, but for the past two days I have been literally begging her to change the news channel, for any soap, even the boring information channel!

The news channels regularly invite ancient looking astrologers asking about how best should one spend their day in order to avoid the "consequences", but this becomes unbearable around eclipses. To top it, even my favorite business news channel had invited an astrologer to predict the effect of the eclipse on the stock markets, and what mantras the traders should utter to gain profit today. For all I care, the only effect to watch out is the loss of productivity due to people sitting at their homes, which will impact the GDP.

This however raises a more significant question over the spirituality in our country. I am ok with being spiritual as long as it doesn't affect my daily routine in a significant manner. But, in today's consumer driven world, the news channels are surely showing what makes people stick to their TV sets. This means, there is a significant audience for these programmes. IT leads to a much bigger question. Has the average Indian become more religious or spiritual over the last decades?

That led me to think, how does one define religion and spirituality. In a religion like Hinduism, which virtually has no set rules, someone who goes to temple once a month is no less religious then the one who daily chants a thousand shlokas a day. From what I gathered by asking elders about the kind of news in the last decade, I am told that the doordarshan was least concerned with all this, it would just show a clipping of the solar eclipse and that was it, and that's how it should be today. I don't think any more superstition is going to do any good to anyone.

An alternate system of government: Meritocracy

A hungry man is given on a silver platter to choose from a 15 day old apple, a few rotten bananas, and cold paav bhaji -- that's The Great Indian democracy for you. We have one of the most efficient election commission in the world, a vigilant media, Thousands of the brightest minds of their generation graduating every year from IITs, IIMs, and various other institutes of excellence, still we do not have the competent leadership to guide the country.

So, how can we improve the system? Here's my view of the ideal Indian government.

We should look at our own strengths first. India has excelled in the system of competitive examinations by conducting various exams like UPSC, IIT-JEE, AIEEE, CAT, etc. year after year successfully and impartially.

We need an examination at par with UPSC, CAT, etc.The top 2000 candidates may be called for personal interviews by the two national parties the Congress and BJP. This will in effect make these parties function as corporations instead. After their appointment, the selected candidates will go through a 1-year management course and specific training related to the department of their interest.

The function of local parties will be performed by regional think tanks, comprising the other selected candidates of the exam, who are still part of the decision making process. These candidates will also be a part of their state legislative assemblies, so that they can coordinate with the implementation of the decisions made by them in the parliament. The lack of local parties will lead to centralized power, while the think tanks will ensure that regional interests are not neglected.

The local think tanks will also comprise eminent industrialists, environmentalists, and economists of the region selected by the Governor of the state.

There will be a retirement age of 65 years, for all members of parliament, except for former prime ministers, who can still be a part of advisory board on the foreign policy.

One year before the General elections, 1 candidate will be selected from each party, it may be through a mock election by the party in the country, as was the case in the recent US elections, or by internal mechanisms.

In the end, Indian people around the world (Yes, there will be polling stations at all the Indian consulates. This will make the elections more popular around the world and give a fillip to the democratic credentials, besides including non-resident Indians in the process), will have to choose from 2 candidates. The election campaigns of both the candidates will be funded by corporates, so as to decrease direct expenditure by the state. Major public debates will be conducted by various news agencies, every Sunday, and broadcast rights will be sold as is the case with cricket matches.

The election manifesto declared by the parties will be treated as a legal document, and a 15-20% deviation on the lower side at the end of 5 years will call for a re-election. This will make the parties to be realistic in their promises, and more committed to achieve the goals.

We do not need to have an authoritarian rule, just a responsible central government, and a chaotic system that exists today, can never provide that.What do you say???