So, Let us talk about Cows

It is 00:02 at midnight, I have just woken up from sleep; and in this orderly world of darkness, and generally agreed to “Ungodly hour”, it is time to begin The Really Long Cow Debate.

There are 3 kinds of people in this world:

1. Who love cows (enough to worship them)
2. Who hate cows (enough to eat them up)
3. Who don’t feel much about them (These people are kinda lazy and disinterested as far as cows are concerned)

The COW LOVERS

For the people who love them, their hearts beat for the cows and when they see them on the streets in such a dilapidated condition, they cannot hold back their tears.

They feel that the cows, such noble creatures that they are, have the right to live with dignity and consider it the duty of the respective government/Municipal Corporation in power to provide suitable accommodation and means of livelihood for the cows.

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The COW HATERS

The people who hate cows, however, have a different train of thought. Watching a cow on the street drives them mad.

Yours truly has had the fortune of witnessing one such cow-hater chasing a cow on his bike, while beating it with a stick, laughing maniacally as if the purpose of his existence had at last been fulfilled; and the poor creature running for dear life.

Yours truly, in fact, has also been witness to a cow chasing after the same “man on bike”, and the guy (obviously an adrenaline junkie) speeding on for dear life. This incident shows that the feelings of cow-haters are reciprocated by the cows in equal measure.

The COWNIBALS [a different form of cow-haters(as the cows say)]

Then, there are others, let us say “cownibals”, in whose minds the first thing to pop up on seeing a cow on street is Beef, which as yours truly has been told by some concerned cows, makes them feel very uneasy...and the cows insisted that such people be categorized as cow-haters instead of cow-lovers, as in their own words,"Love without soul (the dead cow’s soul, in this case) is lust, and mad lust directed towards another species can be construed as to be some form of hatred."

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The AUTHOR STRAYS OFF TOPIC AND GLORIFIES HIMSELF AS A HERO (Yeah, I am sort of mad and restless inside; and yes, I am kind of a hero to the cows)

Now, you may ask, how is it that he can talk to cows and we can’t?

Well, I have an answer to that. You see, I am the Harry Potter of the Dr. Dolittle universe.

On a bright, sunny day (since Dr. Dolittle isn’t your average evil Dark Lord who chooses a dark, rainy night and gloomy and inconvenient site conditions to execute their evil plans), when the evil, dark (I am not being racist here) Dr. Dolittle attacked but failed to eliminate me, all his powers were transferred to me.

Since, they rarely speak, and do so only in moments of extreme emotion, while talking to cows, you have to pay particular attention to their facial expressions.

You can judge by a cow’s face if it is an intense cow or a happy-go-lucky cow; if it is just roaming about or out to kill somebody.

You also must pay particular attention to the teeth, if they ever do allow you to see them; the grinding of teeth may imply “seething with rage” or intense stomach-ache; while a tension-free “Battisi” means it is just plain happy.

But let us not distract ourselves and move onto the next kind.

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The NEUTRAL GUYS

The Third kind, the neutral guys, doesn’t spend their day thinking about cows. Some have in fact been known to be so neutral as to deny the very existence of cows and end up walking into those invisible things.

However, these guys are still humans. Some love cars, others bikes and claim that cows take up the space on the street which does not leave anything for their BMWs and Hayabusas.

They say that the government should draft clear and concise policies for all living, non-living, real or imaginary things on the road. That everything should be at its rightful place and that they do not feel that road/street is an appropriate place for a cow, if the said creature so exists.

But ask any one category of people; Do they like it when some random guy parks the cows off at the very centre of the street for the above three categories to exercise their franchise?

The answer is a vehement NO.

Alas, this is the sad reality for most of India.

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The AUTHOR'S DAILY ADVENTURE (Can only be witnessed on weekdays and an occasional weekend, since the author is lazy and sleeps a lot on weekends)

It becomes kind of an adventure sport, where you have to dodge the hurdles in the form of cows, buffalos, bikes, cars, and that random guy or gal who doesn’t seem to see you and intends to walk right through you.

The barking dog with whom one has to play a game of staring while the creature is shouting away angrily at you as if it had just executed the deeds for that part of real-estate and figures one may end up littering it.

And then there is all the excretion! It is as if the cow, such a devious creature that it is, must have spent the whole night working out algorithms to find which exact place to plant the symbol of its eternal presence.

And when, in your blind happiness, walking to office with a song on your lips, you end up stepping on this eternal symbol of the cow, you begin to doubt, is the universe really that big? Is entropy really that big an issue or is it all planned out way ahead by an immensely naughty kid staring at the ant-farm like earth with mirth and glee.

Mind the NUTSHELL

In a nutshell, a humble request to that random guy who parks them off in the street every morning, kindly park your vehicles (which happen to be cows in this case) in a garage at your home if you do not intend to ride them during daytime.

Legend Of The Piper

Celebrating one year of Plant Layout and Piping Design... A peep into the life and times of the Legendary "P & ID Piper"


Once upon a time, in a far and distant land, was a beautiful and scenic town called Clientsville.


However, the townsfolk lived a miserable life, for in the otherwise scenic town, would pop out large chunks of curiously shaped metal from beneath the earth; and large bits of paper with weird line drawings would rain down from the Heavens. The townsfolk didn't know what to do with all that material. Waste disposal became a big issue, and people started leaving their beloved town.


Then, one day, came along a handsome young man, with a pipe tucked in his belt. Sensing the trouble of the townsfolk, the Piper brought out his pipe, picked up the drawings, and started playing a melodious tune.

Suddenly, all the metal started floating in the air. It started bending and welding together forming large vessels and pipes both large and small. The bits of paper had started materializing and the line drawings on them were suddenly making sense.


The townsfolk looked on in awe, as a whole plant got erected in front of their very eyes in a matter of minutes, and rejoiced for the magical spectacle they had just been witness to.


From the midst of all the fanfare where the townsfolk celebrated the town's redemption, the Piper slipped away quietly, off to his next big adventure.

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I have been waiting so long to post this. Having completed my first year at job, I wanted to commemorate it with a piece on what I do.When you start liking the job you do, you tend to glorify it as something fantastic and legendary. Perhaps that's what's happened with me.

For the uninitiated into the nitty-gritty of the EPC business,

The town Clientsville, as the name suggests represents the client in need of an Industrial facility in the form of a Process Plant.

The bits of paper raining down from the Heavens represent the Piping and Instrumentation Diagrams (P&IDs), the essence behind the designing and operation of these plants.

I think of the flute as the tool (software) used by the Piping Engineer, to bring out his creativity, rather his take on what the plant should look like.

Of course, the Piper couldn't have done all that on his own, which obviously calls for a sequel :D

Do tell me what you feel about it, coz there's going to be more of it in the near future!

Government vs Ice Cream

Until this day, I believed my mother had assumed the supreme authority of reprimanding me for eating Ice cream (for obvious reasons). 

However, with the Home Minister of India Mr. Chidambaram also finding fault with the said practice, I really am starting to reconsider my eating habits, in case some day "The powers that be" decide to make eating ice cream into a punishable offence.

Jokes aside, the logic behind this statement seems a bit shaky. I mean, I am not allowed to complain of soaring prices just because I sometimes end up eating ice cream or perhaps drinking "drinkable" Drinking water.

As for the ice cream, I fear the best way to make people spend on staples such as rice and wheat instead of ice cream would be to ban its production and sale. However, I feel a certain bubbly girl who makes her living out of selling these "Utterly Delicious" delights, might be furious if ever such a decision were taken. 

But before resorting to any such step, I would request the Home Minister to improve the Electricity situation in the country. A lot of the people resort to indulging in this audacious delight only to beat the heat in the summers in the absence of electricity. But perhaps that may eventually lead to reprimanding us for using Air Conditioners, so don't mind what I just said.

As for the water Sir, the only alternative I have to Bottled water is the one supplied by our respective Municipal Corporations, if supplied at all. 

But being of weak heart, I am a bit doubtful of the quality of the "cheap water" supplied by you and terribly afraid of contracting a water-borne disease.

Again, I could go to some Government Hospital for "cheap treatment", but being apprehensive of the services there, if at all sufficiently available, I would rather go to a private clinic.

So, when it comes to choosing between a "Rs. 15 bottle of water" and the doctor's fee at a private clinic, I would easily prefer the former, for at the end of the day, I still have to afford my bowl of Rice!

In the end, to rest my case Mr. Home Minister, you can mess with anyone but kids. They won't understand whatever Advanced Economics you think are at work here (I doubt anyone else would).

Kids only understand that Ice Cream tastes "AWESOME" and that's the end of the argument. Anyone who claims to the contrary or tries to snatch it away from them is the Voldemort of their sweet little world.

Being a kid at heart myself, I couldn't agree more!

So, step back and rethink before you are disarmed by a collective EXPELLIARMUS!!

Internet in Heaven !

Random Gandharva 347:Hey, did you hear the news?

Random Gandharva 489:What?

RG 347: I just heard that Lord Indra has been put on probation by the Trinity.

RG 489: Really? What for?

RG 347: You know,the usual. Negligence towards assigned jobs leading to mismanagement of Monsoons in India.

RG 489: Well, he had it coming, dude. Since this computer thingy the humans made, Lord Indra spends the whole of his time in front of it.

RG 347: Yeah man,and that new thing...what do they call it...the Internext, I hear he has even stopped organising the Dance Apasara Dance challenges.

RG 489: Well, he was always a bit loony at job. That’s why we got our jobs at Crisis management Department.

RG 347: You said it, dude!

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Meanwhile, at Lord Indra’s palace:

Lord Indra: Hey,Chitragupta, do something man! I narrowly escaped today. You can’t imagine how weird it feels when you have Lord Brahma’s four hands on your throat trying to strangle you!

Chitragupta: Sir,I have been doing some research while you were gone and I think I have just the thing you need.

Lord Indra: What is it? It better be good.

Chitragupta: Sir,your primary problem is that everyone in the Heavens knows that you are out of work when you are busy chatting on Facebook and Twitter. Now, your performance has been, how shall I put it, average from the very beginning. But now, since you are found absent from the meetings, workshops, etc. people have started realizing that you don’t do a damn thing around here.

In order to change that perception, you need to be away from your PC and inside meeting rooms.

Lord Indra: Don’t be ridiculous Chitragupta. I need to know what’s new on my Facebook and Twitter account, apart from checking my Gmail, Yahoo and Hotmail accounts!

Plus, last week I found this wonderful game called Angry Birds on the internet, and making a new high score has become the new aim of my immortal life. I cannot under any circumstances leave the PC.

Chitragupta: That is why sir, the PC must come to you. While you were away for your hearing in front of the Trinity, I sent a Gandharva to bring you a smartphone. I have also installed a Vodafone SIM with a 3G promotional offer of 2 GB of free data.

And by the way, if you receive a call from customer service for activation, your name is Indra Kumar Barsati from Sukhapur village in UP.

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Lord Indra: Dude, this is even more awesome than the PC! Apart from facebook, twitter, gmail, yahoo, every game and application is either already loaded or readily available on the market!

Hey Google Maps! I wonder what this app does...

CAN'T FIND. SYSTEM FAILURE.

Hmmm...Well I guess,we will have to bring the Google satellite around here for updating their database to include the heavens.

Just then...a tweet from Tarkasur:

@Indra @Shukracharya Going to attack the Heavens with my army. See you all tomorrow. Ta Ta..

@Tarkasur Hey dude, Time Please! I just got this new gadget and I haven’t even explored it properly yet. Please come tomorrow instead.

In fact, you should try it too! Its called a smartphone and let me tell you, its much handy than putting up a PC on your elephant!

After 1 hour,

@Indra This thing’s awesome dude! May be I will come next moth then!

@Tarkasur Thanks man, you are the best!

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The Trinity call Lord Indra after a few days...

Lord Brahma: So Mr. Indra, we have come to know that you scared away Tarkasur along with his army and saved the Heavens from destruction! That is indeed impressive!

Lord Indra: Thank you sir. When I came to know from my sources that Tarkasur was going to attack the Heavens with a huge army, I promptly decided, enough is enough; and took the battle to him instead.

Lord Shiva: And we hear that you went into battle alone, and just seeing you so angry, the whole army, along with Tarkasur himself ran away from the battle!

Lord Indra: Sir, I have been given the responsibility of the protection of Heaven. When I realised that it was in danger of being attacked, I just couldn't stop myself. I felt like...

Lord Brahma: Lord Indra, we are happy that you avoided an imminent attack on the heavens by "whatever means you employed", but your mismanagement of Monsoons on Earth still continues. It seems you are yet to learn your lesson. If you don’t improve your performance, then we may have to depute you for site work!

Lord Indra: But sir, I attend all the meetings, prayer reviews and ceremonies now.You can check my logbook.

Lord Brahma: Yes, you sit there and update your facebook status. And I believe that's how you "scared away" Tarkasur and his army!

Lord Indra (turns red) : How did you know that?

Lord Vishnu (With a grin):You see, in your blind attempts to increase the number of your Facebook friends and Twitter followers, you accidentally ended up adding Krishnakant Narayan and Bholeshankar Prasad too!

Lord Shiva: Moreover, Mr. Hanuman posted a video of you chatting away with Meneka on Skype during Mr. Shani Dev's presentation on the law and order situation on Earth. It already has 130,000 likes!

Lord Indra: But sir, if the three of you can be on facebook and you tube, why can't I?

Lord Vishnu: Errr...Ummm...We are the Trinity!

Lord Indra: So?

Lord Brahma: Ummm...So we need to be in the loop on what all is happening throughout the Universe.

Lord Shiva: Yes, that is what it is. We don't like being on facebook. But we have to...errrr...for the greater good! Now, go off, and do your work!

Lord Vishnu (With a wink): And Mr. Indra, just an advice off the record; next time you are chatting during a meeting, learn to type without looking at the mobile!

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Humor apart, I sincerely believe that Mobile Internet is about to play a much larger role in all our lives in the years to come...It has the potential and will eventually become a useful tool to a lot many applications rather than just fun.

The Boy Who Had Three Birthdays

As a kid, I liked birthdays.

Okay, so what, everyone likes birthdays, what’s new about that?

No, when I say I liked birthdays, I mean it in a crazy way, as are most of the other things in my case.

I simply loved birthday parties, especially when they were mine.


You know, the usual, you get to cut a cake, everyone in the class stands up and sings happy birthday, you distribute toffees to the whole class and the teachers, you get to eat your favourite dish i.e. Chhole Puri with your friends and the most important one: you get presents, the element of mystery while opening the present, and the joy one feels if the said present turns out to be a toy!

For a good amount of time, birthdays had become major milestones in my life. The only problem with the things you like is, you eventually start wanting more of them. That’s what happened to me.


I distinctly remember that particular day.

I was in senior kg back then. That day one of the kids celebrated their birthday in the class. Now, it had been 4 months since I celebrated my 4^th birthday. But I guess you all know how we have a slightly distorted view of the concept of time as kids.

So, when I got back home, I asked my mother when is my birthday coming? She looked quizzically at me. “You just had your birthday 4 months ago, dear. It will come next year now.”


Wrong answer. Tantrum time!!


“But ABC (Okay, it is good enough I remember this incident; Bacche ki jaan loge kya???) had his birthday today. Even XYZ had his birthday yesterday; So, why can’t I have my birthday?”


“Dear, your birthday comes on first may. Today is XX August. Now, count how many months are still left to your birthday? (Yeah, that’s how my mother manipulated me into math and stuff)

“No, that won’t do. You are lying. It's been such a long time since my birthday. It should have come by now!  I want my birthday today.

And either the tantrum must have been terrible or I must have been a very persuasive child, for what happened next does not generally happen with normal kids.


What I next remember is myself latching on to my mother’s finger, as she would first take me to the shopping center to buy toffees; and then to my school. Since, it was KG, we had school only until 1130 in the morning. So, by now only the teachers would be left at school.

My mother would take me to the staff room where all the teachers would still be sitting, where I would distribute the toffees as my mother would stand aside apologetically. I didn’t know back then, but now I suspect there must have been some back-channel talks between my mother and the teachers before all this. Done with the teachers and if I recall correctly, the principal too; the rest of the toffees would be distributed to all my playmates in the evening.

The elder ones would ask me. "How is it that your birthday comes so early every time?"

And I would proudly tell them. " I have my birthday two times every year", as all of them looked on in wonder and as I like to believe, envy too.

At night, there would be Chhole Puri in dinner for me. And I would be satisfied.

But not for long.

In fact, I had three birthdays that year. The two fake ones working out in exactly the same fashion.

As I grew older, and got a hang on the concept of time; I started finding joy in my friends’ birthdays, so there was no need to celebrate my own every 4 months or so!

Vyom (An Ode to a dear friend), Purbash, Pranjal; their birthdays became the new milestones in my life. I would enjoy all that I did in my own birthdays in theirs too. I learnt to share happiness.

Fast forward to adolescence.

Over the years, I turned into a reclusive being. I did not like large gatherings (Not a party person). I scoffed at the very idea of wasting money in parties when more than a million Indian kids go to bed on an empty stomach.

But, now I am loosening up. The last year has opened up my character quite a bit. I do not know if it is for better or worse; I guess I will just do it and see how it works out for my conscience. So, after ten years, I am going to celebrate my birthday once again.

Back Benchers- Embracing the Dark side of Force

From ever since I can remember, I have been sitting on the very front benches of the class; right from kg, and through my college days.

Though I believe the practice must have started off as a consequence of my less than average height and poor eye-sight; the fact remains that the front benches have been the most prominent of the many constants of my student life.

Anyone who has had the fortune, or rather lack of it, of sitting on the front benches, might concur with me, that doing so requires the rare combination of concentration, stamina and patience.

Concentration and unwavering attention, for when you find the topic interesting enough; patience to still be attentive towards a topic, that in your personal opinion, the world could better do without. And above all, stamina, not to inadvertently tear away your mouth in a silent roar (yes, I mean yawn) when the speaker is standing right in front of you.

If not for these virtues, sitting on the front benches is pretty much a suicide mission, best left to trained professionals or adrenalin junkies.

So, having not had the experience of ever having sat on the back benches, I was in a bit of a fix when during one of the Soft-skills training sessions that I have at work, I found all the rows occupied, except for the very last one. For a few seconds, I just stood at the entrance, as if somehow people at the front would start vanishing into thin air to make place for me.

Now that I think about it, I must have looked awfully stupid doing that.

Well, so I reached at the back of the room and occupied a seat. And the class began.

The Three Monkeys

Once upon a time, in the ancient realm of East, there lived a great wizard called Gandhi. He was a very righteous person who dedicated his whole life towards eliminating evil and making the world a better place to live.

Reaching his end, and still watching the world fighting a losing battle against evil; Gandhi, with all of his powers accumulated over the years, summoned three immortal Monkeys to be a beacon of Hope and Inspiration to mankind in the face of mounting evil.

Gandhi always believed that the root of all evil in the world were essentially the human senses, that exposed one to evils like greed, jealousy and all other forms of corruption. So, he gave each of these Monkeys a task. One monkey was to never speak evil, the second one, never to hear evil, and the third one to never see evil. He asked the Monkeys to roam the world for eternity teaching the people of the world these three basic qualities that, if followed would surely root out all the evil from the world.

The wizard died within a few days.

The Three Monkeys, obeying their supreme master travelled through the world, reminding them of their great master and inspiring people to follow these good values in order to defeat evil. People flocked where ever they went, and looked on as the three strange monkeys went about imparting their teachings.

But as they went deeper and deeper into the treacherous corners of the realm, they witnessed some of the cruelest warlords, dark wizards, and their henchmen. But, however hard they tried the evil warlords could not harm the three monkeys, for they had the gift of immortality and the imparted quality of incorruptibility.

The three monkeys worked in tandem in the face of evil. The one monkey who could see and speak, but not hear evil, would inform the one who couldn't to guard himself from the evil, by closing his eyes in order to guard their senses from the tempt the evil brings with it. And, thus, they journeyed together for many years.

The only downside to immortality is the constant, unending, existence.

Overtime, the three monkeys got bored of this tedious task given to them. The monkey that was forbidden from seeing anything evil, was tired of seeing the same old people; he grew jealous of the other two monkeys who could see, all the world they wanted. The caverns that inhabited some of the vilest creatures the world ever knew, the very symbols of the Evil. So, was the case with the other two monkeys. They started questioning the very wisdom of their master. After all, something that is good enough to be heard by one, must also be good enough to be heard by others too!

Eventually, they stopped obeying the commands of their master. They stopped moving around the world with hands on their mouth, or ears or eyes. They became just a set of ordinary monkeys, as fallible to evil as any other ordinary creature, travelling across the world.

After a few years, they again reached the point from where they had started their journey; the town of their Master. The people flocked to see the three monkeys, expecting to hear from them, words of wisdom, and tales from the farthest of lands.

However, they were disappointed, when they found that the once serene and noble monkeys, had become just a bunch of regular, gullible creatures, talking and acting lewdly.

Just then, a child from the crowd cried out loud “Shame shame!!!”

The three monkeys were furious. They were enraged at this disrespect and apprehended the boy.

“We are the mascots of the great wizard, and you dare disrespect us?”

“You don’t even know the difference between what is right or wrong, how can you then, believe yourself to be the mascots of righteousness. You are just like other ordinary monkeys who copy what others do.”

The three monkeys were speechless. They realised their mistake. From that day on, they stopped spreading the message of shutting down one’s senses to keep evil at bay.

They had understood that Knowledge was the supreme virtue. Without the wisdom of differentiating between what is right or wrong, what is moral or immoral, there was no point in following good or evil. One had to open one's senses to all information, and then decide to follow the path of righteousness after understanding and contemplating why something is good and the other evil.

Thus, the Three Monkeys mended their ways and started another tour around the world, in order to gain knowledge and wisdom, which would help them become the true mascots of righteousness, as they were intended to be.

Nishkantos and the Merry Men Part-II: The battle of Thermaliya

In memory of the erstwhile PAT/VAWT Boys...:D

Disclaimer: Any resemblance to a real lively person/persons is purely intentional...:D

Having rid the forests of the Western Woods from the vicious packs of Werewolves, the warriors proceeded East looking for more adventures. Meanwhile, their fame spread throughout the nearby lands, fuelled by their recent conquests.

They traveled east for three days. On the fourth day, they reached the gates of Workshire city.

Some guards approached the warriors.

“Who are you”?

“We are warriors from the west. We are just passing by; We mean no harm to your people,” replied Sagaricus.

“Welcome, Warriors, we have heard of your adventures. But before resuming your journey, you need to get the permission to stay here from the Sherrif. That is the law” said the guard.

So, accompanied by three guards, the four warriors entered the town.

Workshire was unlike any other city they had ever seen. The city was littered with factories that housed gigantic machines on which the townsfolk worked tirelessly, manufacturing powerful weaponry that was exported to arm the armies of even the most distant lands of the realm.

The town’s sherrif, Sandikrates, already witness to the skill and courage of the warriors in the Western Woods, invited them to his offices in order to honour them on behalf of the city.

After a sumptuous feast, the warriors sat down with Sandikrates.

“So, warriors, where are you headed now? Off to another adventure perhaps?”

“We have travelled extensively throughout the Western realm. We gained knowledge and had many adventures; Now, we have decided to move East”, said Hershules.

“In that case, I would like to suggest an adventure right here, in these lands. Have you heard of a creature called Vawtymus?”

The four warriors looked at each other and shook their heads in the negative.

“I thought so. The Vawtymus is a Monstrous creature that troubles these lands. It is a tall, three- headed giant that wakes up every two years, and eats away hundreds of men besides destroying all our crops. It moves with the wind and is almost impossible to control. Many brave Knights came to slay it, but no man that ever encountered it, has lived to tell the tale.”

The four warriors listened with interest. Lured by the prospect of adventure, Pajax stood up and declared:

“We shall apprehend and get rid of this creature for your people!”

The other three nodded in agreement.

“Bravo, we finally have hope!” said Sandikrates, delighted at the prospect.

“So, where can we find this Vawtymus?”asked Nishkantos.

“The creature lives inside a cave in the mountains east of a village called Thermaliya. It is a six hour ride away from the city”, said Sandikrates.

The warriors rode towards Thermaliya. When they reached the village, they found it empty, except for warning signs scaring away any visitors.

The Incidental Criminal Part VI: The Common Enemy

General Iroh was not particularly fond of Mosquitoes. The only times when he did enjoy their company were those when they were being relished inside his mouth. He balked at the very thought of a summit with his counter-part from Mosquit. But then, that was what his Great King had thought fit. He would just have to control his appetite and try not to eat up the Mosquit General.

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Commander Lyca was not called the Ice Queen for no reason. She was known throughout the administration for her ruthless and cold attitude. The last time when the King Monty asked her to attend a summit with General Iroh, she could see even the King's legs shaking.

She shivered in rage at the very thought of the summit, begging around the Lizards for cooperation in the war. Not many knew but 4 members of her immediate family had been brutally murdered along with the rest of the colony under the command of this very general. She wanted revenge. But the interests of Mosquit far outweighed the horrors of her own past.

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The Summit

The two commanders along with their sub-ordinates looked on as the petite lizard addressed...

"Fellow Mosssquitosss and Lizzzzards; The purrrpose of this meeting is to enhance the Milllitary and Intelligenceee cooperation between our two empireees with regards to a common enemy, namely Payoj Gupta. Kiiindly be patient of the cultural and past differencees and focus on the agenda. The detaails shall be covered by Mr. Alex Longsting. The minutes of the meeting shall be recorded by the Mosquit Swepreme Court's Head Cleric Mr. Jim Biters."

Alex: (Clears his throat) ... "The agenda of this meeting is quite straight forward. Subdue and bring to justice, the notorious mass-murderer and our common enemy, Payoj Gupta."

"As is now widely known throughout the Ecosystem, the Mosquit nation has faced blow after blow in the past 1 week from this particular human, which includes killing of more than 50 mosquitoes within a short period of 40 minutes, as well as the deaths of some of our law enforcement mosquitoes, including the infamous Agent Red Alpha."

"It is in the backdrop of such grave incidents of provocation that endanger the very sovereignty of the Mosquit nation, that our King has approached our one time nemesis, the Lizards for assistance with handling this particular human and perhaps planning a Joint military Offensive for the same."

The Incidental Criminal Part V: King Monty the Sixth

“… a sad day indeed in the history of Mosquit. It remains to be seen how the Law Enforcement Department reacts to this sudden turn of events. Anonymous Sources from the Ministry tell us that even as we speak, a high-level meeting is underway in the Palace convened by the Prime Minister of Mosquit herself to decide on the future course of action.

In related news, King Monty the Sixth has expressed regret over the death of Agent Red Alpha; Terming his life as the epitome of courage and loyalty to the Mosquit nation, he has announced a National Mourning for 2 minutes in the Veteran agent’s honor …”

He pulled down his antennae and sighed. These had to be the darkest seconds of his 2 hour long rule. He stood up from his desk and flew around his magnificent office. This was perhaps the only place in the entire kingdom where he could move around of his own free will. Constantly surrounded by a web of special forces for his security, advisers, ministers, he had virtually forgotten the last time he had spent alone outside of this office.

There was a knock on the door. An orderly came inside. “Sir, the Head Cleric has prepared the final draft for your message to the nation regarding further course of action. I need you to sign and authorize the message”

“Very well”.

“Thank you, Your Highness.”

He looked at the portrait of his father, King Monty the Fifth.

He had never wanted to be a King. He still remembered the time he had tried explaining to his father, his passion for Zoology, expressly Lizard Sciences. Even as a larva, he had always been fascinated with the reptiles. His father and his advisers were aghast at the very thought of the crown prince studying the creatures who had constantly been at war with the Mosquit nation from the very beginnings of the Ecosystem.

His father had one day called him to this very room. He had said “It is the Destiny of the Dynasty, my boy. You cannot change what you were always meant to be. Tis already written. What is in your hand however, is what you make of this destiny, what fate you leave behind for your nation and your children.” His father had died the very next hour, and he had been crowned the King.

But things now were very different from his father’s times. The king’s stature had been reduced to a ceremonial position, where he only signed his messages to the nation, prepared by others, and passed orders, most of which he didn’t even understand, in the name of the King.

He was not allowed to go out into the public except for once a quarter hour for apparent security reasons.

The Kingdom was effectively being run by Ministers, Advisors, Generals, and other “well-wishers”, all of course in the name of the king. Their inflated egos and constant squabbles had made a mockery out of the largest Mosquito nation of the whole Ecosystem.

The Monarchy in Mosquit was dieing a slow death.

The common mosquitoes and the media had started terming him as the weakest King in Mosquit history, through no fault of his own. Or perhaps the fault had indeed been his. By not acting at the right time, by allowing “the professionals to handle the matters”, perhaps he had indeed made himself weak.

“What is in your hand however, is what you make of this destiny, what fate you leave behind for your nation and your children.”

His father’s words rang through his mind again. He must do something by himself. He could no longer let down his people through his inaction. But what should he do?

He remembered another of his father's teachings.

“The Enemy of your enemy, is your friend”.

Of course. How could all his strategists and ministers not think of this sooner. How could, He, not think of this sooner !

He called the Head Cleric. “I want an audience with the Head Council of Mosquit. Tell them that the King has decided to ask the lizard Nation for cooperation against Payoj Gupta.”

The Incidental Criminal part IV - Agent Red Alpha

“Now, back to the main story that we have been covering for the past 30 minutes; Agent Red Alpha, the most celebrated spy in the history of Mosquit has been assigned the case of the infamous serial killer and mass murderer Payoj Gupta. For those, unaware of him, here is a brief description of how this agent rose to fame by our special correspondent Berky Dita.”

“He is the most celebrated spy in the Mosquit empire. Though the Agent Alpha program was derived from a popular movie series in the human world, almost all experts unanimously agree that if there ever were an actual 007 among the humans, the Agent Red Alpha could give him a run for his money.”

“The veteran agent first came into limelight when during the course of his very first mission; he infiltrated the Lizard kingdom and gained intelligence about a secret Lizard hideout where elaborate plans were being made by the Lizard General Iroh, of an impending attack on Mosquit city. He successfully escaped from the Lizard Fortress and reported this information to his superiors just in time to allow the citizens to vacate the city and for the Mosquit military and Special Forces to plan and organise a daring and incredible ambush that resulted in deaths of 9 king size lizards, and a safe city.”

“Thanks, Berky. Now we have with us in our studio a long time close associate of the agent, Retired Ex-Sergeant Tim Bitsworth. So,Tim, what do you have to say about Red Alpha?”

“Well, I have only one thing to say; He is cold and ruthless, almost mechanical while eliminating targets at the behest of King Monty himself. Be it humans, lizards or even those unfortunate Kings of the Jungle, the poison dart that this agent carries is lethal next only to the mosquito carrying it.”

“Thanks Tim. The veteran spy has been entrusted with eliminating the human, one Payoj Gupta with whatever means necessary. Payoj Gupta, who first hit headlines on his mysterious escape from the Mosquit High Court, where he was to be punished for the murder of 54 mosquitoes. During the course of his escape, he also killed three senior law enforcement mosquitoes. It was later found that his body has somehow become resistant to regular shrinking devices that are used to apprehend most other large-sized felons, a fact that has many scientists worried as this could be the next stage in the evolution of the humans. As one of our sources told us, this makes it all the more necessary to eliminate the human.”

“So, it was under such grim circumstances, when the Directorate of Human intelligence recalled the 32 hour old agent out of retirement for eliminating this threat to Mosquit.”

“Over the period of half an hour, Agent Red Alpha shall inject the human with controlled quantities of a special chemical mixture prepared by scientists, designed to fight the victim’s anti-bodies for days at end. Though he may not live long enough to see this enemy of the state fall dead, he will have secured the lives of countless mosquitoes from the megalomaniac human.”

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He flew inside the room as a whole contingent of law enforcement officers from Mosquit stood by and looked on in amazement.

The human seemed busy writing something. He lunged forward in a flawless dive, accelerating so as to ensure that the dart found its target, and break through the dense skin.

He had already injected him thrice; each time accompanied by loud cheers from the junior staff of the law enforcement and media correspondents behind the fence.

Suddenly, the human stood up. He looked around closely and spotted the agent. He clapped his hands in order to smash the mosquito to death. The veteran agent dodged easily. He looked into the human’s eyes. He saw an evil glint and a horrific smile just as the human pulled back and clapped his hands multiple times successively. The agent expertly dived around and dodged the onslaught, but the resultant shock waves were tremendous, which accompanied by strong air currents, struck the agent hard and the spy lost his balance for a split second.

He crashed onto a nearby bottle.

He spread his wings again, ready to fly. He fell down on the table. His wings were wet from the condensate on the bottle's surface. He struggled to hide, but it was futile.

Payoj smiled. He looked sinister, a monster.

THUMP !!!!

There was a deathly silence.

The law enforcement officers looked on, too shocked to react as they lost their Hero to the Terror wielding Human.

The Incidental Criminal Part III: Mosqatma Ganphi

Contrary to popular perception among humans, not all mosquitoes bite just in order to procure blood to sustain themselves. In an average lifetime of about 3 days, a mosquito hardly needs 7-8 drops of blood to keep itself alive. Ten tops.

Not unlike humans, a mosquito is a very moody and emotional creature. Apart from the obvious need for nutrition and feeding the young ones, it may even bite you simply out of boredom. Then, there are special mosquito units in each major mosquito empire that are involved in continuously replenishing a stockpile of human blood as well as blood from some other organisms to be used in times of crisis.

Interestingly, mosquitoes prefer human blood to that of other organisms, owing to the relative hygiene and superior living conditions of humans. One may find sufficient amounts of a variety of flavors of human blood in all upper class mosquito households.

Then, there are the law enforcement mosquitoes that carry out sentences against humans involved in large-scale massacres of mosquitoes.

There are what you may call “adrenaline junkies” that mess with humans just to derive a sense of adventure in their lives.

There are petty criminal warlords who carry a vicious vendetta against humans for one reason or the other; and bite them with lethal bio-weaponry, thus inflicting their own massacres on the humans, which obviously led to further retaliation by humans.

It was not always like this though. For a brief period of history there was a grand revolution in the whole mosquito world. The mosquito that led the movement came into the picture when the mosquito governments and non-state actors both organized and encouraged mindless attacks on humans and other organisms. In such times of great turmoil, came from the huge city-state of Mosquit, Ganphi, a mosquito that challenged the very core of the mosquito society.

He lived a very simple life. He disapproved of all kinds of violence, even if they meant biting someone to satisfy hunger. He spent his entire life of 54 hours on nothing but fruit juices and mould; inspiring a whole generation of non-biters among mosquitoes.

A lawyer by profession, he gave up a glittering career in order to fight for the rights of the lowest strata in the mosquito society-the aphids, that after being stolen from the ant farms were used as labor for various chores and forced to live a moribund life. The government under the King Pintoinitially resisted and tried to shut off any dissent, but by then, Ganphi had caught the imagination of the nation’s youth and the huge aphid populations who rallied behind him and forced the government to bend to their will in a non-violent movement.

Having gained the support and trust of an entire generation of mosquitoes, Ganphi started taking up other causes as well. He implored upon the mosquito society to understand and value the life of others, that they should bite only as much as they need, that they should recognize the right to life with dignity for all organisms. He severely criticized the preferential biting of humans just because of their hygiene.

He fought for equal rights for the male mosquitoes who had been reduced to ceremonial show-pieces.

His radical ideas and their support also led to the creation of extremist factions within the mosquito society. These were the ones who believed mosquitoes to be the most superior race off all and disapproved of Ganphi’s thinking.And it was one such disillusioned extremist that killed the Mosqatma. The mosquito who abhorred violence all his life, who didn’t bite a single living soul, was brutally killed in a mindless act of rage.

Today, when the mosquito world is yet again embroiled in turmoil, it awaits the arrival of another Ganphi.

The Incidental Reckoning

From as long as I can remember, I have always been an indulgent person. Whether it be enjoying delicious delicacies, watching all time classic movies, or any other form of recreation, I go to great pains, and look after specific details, in order to enjoy the most from these experiences.

So, when I realised that the summer of 2011 was going to be the final vacation of my life, my brain went into overdrive planning what all I intended to do, before the ‘end of the days’ as it were. Detailed lists were made into the number and variety of snacks that are pleasing to my insatiable tongue, and the days available for me to devour them, taking special care that favourites like khaman and patra are repeated on multiple occasions. In fact, I think now, that had I started preparing on these arrangements a bit earlier, I would have easily mastered the subject of Industrial Management Techniques, which ended up giving me quite a hard time in my final semester.

When it came to recreation, I had a fairly extensive list of bestseller books that I had been dying to read, but couldn’t do so on account of the busy schedule during college. The first book on the list was ‘The Lost Symbol’ by Dan Brown, which I had been meaning to read for quite some time. Thus, on an occasional visit to the railway station recently, I enquired about that book at the Wheeler’s book shop. It cost Rs. 700. Now, those of you who know me well enough will readily attest to the fact that I am an extremely miserly person. It is simply not in my nature to spend money freely. So, this sudden condition severely dented my well thought-out plans of enjoying fiction during these holidays. Just as I was about to leave the shop, my gaze fell on Gandhi’s autobiography.

Now, there are certain moments in life when one acts in ways that one cannot explain at a later time. Until then, I was not particularly interested in the life of Gandhi. Though I respected the man for popularising the idea of non-violence, and pioneering such a struggle to that effect, I had always frowned upon his views on practically all other subjects.

Maybe I was attracted by the Rs. 30 tag on the book, or by the mysterious personality of the man himself, but I have been engrossed in this book for quite some time now.

There is a certain sense of romanticism in reading a person’s description of their own life. I imagined, would the Mahatma have known the minute way in which his words would be contemplated by the future generations, the same words that must have flown out of him in a fit of ruthless honesty. From what I have read, the man seems to have tremendous insight into his own self. He is objective in the analysis of his life, to the point of sounding monotonous over events in his life and pertaining to his family, which must have had great sentimental value, to have been etched in his mind since his childhood.

In addition, I find Gandhi extremely honest and truthful; such an honest assessment as well as narrative of one’s life can only come from being at peace with one’s own expectations and those of the rest of the world or perhaps an utter disregard for what the others might think. I have hardly read a hundred pages of the book, and I already feel inspired by the brute honesty the man has displayed, when he could have as easily written a self-righteous tale of a saint using prudish, complex and vague words.

In his many flaws, and the ways in which he overcomes them, Gandhi has made himself not into the ultimate standard of morality but a beacon of hope for desirable change in each one of us.

So, what was intended as an entertaining summer replete with Robert Langdon running the length of some country’s museums and historical buildings, chased by a variety of intelligence agencies seeking some treasure or hidden truth, turned into a period of enlightenment and self-reckoning for me. Must say, that’s the best 30 rupees I ever spent or perhaps the best 700 rupees I didn’t.

Prologue: Dreaming The End

Author's note: A Prologue and a brief glimpse into the initial draft of a 3 part story that I have been writing for quite some time...

Suggestions and Feedback are most welcome...

In the year 2019, as the human population increased manifold with advancements in medical science, while the resources became scarce, a civil war ensued throughout the world, with the world's poor up in the arms against the rich for their lavish lifestyles, while the poor slogged it out.

It was under these circumstances, that Altacruz, a pharmaceutical company came out of obscurity with a drug and a device that shaped a person's dreams to last longer, and become more believable, with the person dreaming them having better control on the events happening in their dream. Originally meant to help treat the people suffering from paralysis or those in a vegetative state, it fast became an outlet for the poor and the disgruntled for a better chance at life. Numerous underground facilities started operating in the Third world countries, and soon the wonder drug became more popular and elusive than the conventional ones. With no known side effects, there was nothing the government agencies could do to limit its use. However, it is widely believed that certain governments secretly flooded their markets with the drug in order to contain the civil war and pacify the protestors into silence.

However, there were concerns all around the world. Wouldn't everyone want to live like that? Where everyone could live the perfect life they craved, wouldn't people want to let go of reality altogether. If that were to happen, our society and technology had the danger of going into stagnation. A species that had developed and innovated consistently over 3000 years would have degenerated.

However, those in favor of the “Wonder Drug”, opined that such a drug would not only help end the civil unrest, but might also arrest the pace of depletion of Earth’s natural resources for a while. After all, if people spent more time sleeping, they would be conserving most of their energy, and will thus need not only less food, but less fuel and electricity.

In order to further publicize its usefulness, Altacuz financed certain experiments which ultimately went on to prove that prolonged exposure to the drug can lead to an increase in the usage of the sub-conscious mind, and thus, a person’s inherent ability to innovate and invent will overtime, increase drastically.

By the end of the year 2038, this new technology had become a way of life for many. What started off as an experiment into an alternate form of entertainment, became so popular among the people at large, that even the rich with supposedly everything one could ask for were ready to shell out large amounts of money for securing an alternate life in this exciting realm.

A number of side businesses flourished customized for the fantasies of the rich, where the dream machine offered one 30 day experience into the star wars, or the harry potter universes by partly controlling and manipulating your dreams.

And so, now, in the year 2042, only 500 million off the total population of 7 billion lives on in the reality. Carbon-di oxide levels are at an all time low, the human population has stabilized, even though most economies have effectively shut down because of the lack of consumer demand. Even then, poverty is non-existent.

National boundaries have become irrelevant as has been the prospect of war. All Weapon development programs throughout the world have been halted.

There is a deafening silence throughout the planet.

There hasn’t been a single scientific innovation in the past 4 years.

A thousand light years away, an alien civilization plans its next trip to the planet Earth...

To be continued...