How the Lizards made an enemy out of me...

I have not always detested lizards. There was a time when we were ... friends. The hostility that I harbor towards them today is a natural instinct that was born out of a certain untoward incident in my childhood.

Before that day, everything was "hunky-dory" between us, as to say. We were in a state of peaceful co-existence. I even used to include them in my paintings on occasion during my drawing classes. Sometimes we would even enjoy meals together, myself enjoying "Chhole Puri", while they gorged on all the delicious mosquitoes and other insects. There was just one unspoken rule. We never used to enter the other's territory; that is, I would never crawl on the walls, and they would never crawl on my bed. Very simple and straight forward.

I was all of 8 years old on that fateful night. Like the good boy I have always been, I finished my homework at 9 PM and prepared to go to sleep (those were the days when Ekta Kapur had not hijacked the "after-dinner prime time television", people slept early, and woke up early). I put my notebooks in my schoolbag, and put my pencils in my "Arabian Nights" pencil box (which by the way I own and use to this day). I switched off the tube light, and went to bed to sleep.

It must have been 15-20 minutes since sleep engulfed me, when I noticed something on my bed, below my pillow. Still very much in my sleep, I took it in my hand and felt it. It seemed like a rubber (eraser). "Oh, I must have forgotten it on the bed when I was packing my bag", thought I. So, I rose up from the bed, and promptly switched on the light to put the rubber back into the bag. As the tube light flickered before finally getting steady, I realised, to my horror, what was in my hand was no innocent and inanimate rubber, it was in fact, a big slimy lizard. Just as realisation struck me, the lizard promptly leapt from my hand on to the bed, and started roaming on it from one edge to the other, as if trying to make a point, that the lizards now owned the whole place. That I had become a refugee in my own territory. I was both furious and afraid at the same time. It is difficult to put that feeling into words. I called my mother, and together we encaged the over-ambitious lizard, in an empty bucket. I wanted to kill the little guy for its audacity, but my mother pacified me, and we finally eased it outside our home.

That night, I had a troubled sleep. My territory was under siege by a species more than 10 times smaller than me. Over the next few weeks, the Elder lizards came again and again to apologise for the unruly actions of that rebellious lizard; they reminded me of the peaceful relationship, and the camaraderie our empires once enjoyed, but I wouldn't be talked into resumption of peace in any way. Finally they gave up.

And thus, till this day, we have been in a state of cold war. I have experimented throughout the period of my school days, the impact of various materials (such as cold water, compressed air) for loading into weapons against lizards and certain sonic and/or visual arrangements that tend to scare them away. They on their part have encroached on my turf on countless occasions and continue to do so to this day.

Since my childhood, I have turned into an infinitely mature, patient and peaceful person, but put a lizard in front of me and the dormant violent streak comes to the fore...

Note: This post is a pat of the continuing "The Incidental Criminal" Series.

Why they fear the Lokpal ???

When the teacher asks the eternally troublesome kid in the class to solve a tricky math problem to put him in his place and restore order, the way the kid goes about the assigned task is very interesting; guessing something here, writing something there and gauging the teacher's face and those of his classmates every now and then, looking for some hint, some leakage of emotion to ascertain if the guess was satisfactory and decide the future course of action. He may, in the process utter vague and meaningless words hoping to confuse his audience but everyone including the kid knows that he is just trying to delay the inevitable, perhaps hoping for the school bell to ring a bit early, and rescue him from the difficult predicament he got himself into.

It of course becomes difficult for the boy concerned when the teacher is as strict and adamant as the infallible Anna Hazare, who has made a hapless kid out of the whole Indian government. It is almost comedic to see this government's functioning in face of the mass agitation that this septuagenarian has whipped up.

Absolute chaos and uncertainty had become the rule for the present government for the past few months as it dodged and ducked sustained attack in the parliament, the media and the courts, but quite expectedly it has encountered a tremendous roadblock in the form of Anna Hazare and his Band of Merry Men.

So why do they fear the Lokpal?

For one, the Lokpal with the limitless power at his disposal combined with the popularity and support of the urbane and the educated as well as the almighty media may become the most influential man in the country; in certain aspects more powerful than the Prime Minister himself. A man who has the authority to pull up the prime minister, his cabinet, the Chief justice of the Supreme Court cannot be taken lightly. As he goes about his task of cleansing the system, he may be rewarded with even more powers and authority by the amenable civil society. Overtime, as the hero of the civil society hauls out deep-buried carcasses of corruption, the public may start warming up to the idea of having him as the Chief Executive of the country. When that happens, where will these thousands of Oldies (read politicians) go with no other acquired skill or source of income?

So, our ministers, having guessed what might be in store for them in the future, are scampering around on the stage, hoping for some divine intervention to strike this organised movement and divert the public's attention from their filthy hands.

The Incidental Criminal part II - The Universe

“Awww that’s so sweet. Hey, look at that small boy with the big racquet trying to kill the mosquitoes. He seems so innocent and cute. Tell you what I have decided, I won’t ever bite the little guy in my life. Hey, I am going closer just to play with him you know.

“Hi, there. See Martha he’s so cute. Oh dear, you can’t kill a mosquito with that...”

The little boy swung the racquet again and ...

Eeeeeennnnhhhhh

That was all the other mosquitoes heard as Ronda fell down, seemingly burnt. They must tell the chief about this latest gadget invented by the humans, as early as possible.

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He had never quite felt that way in the 27 hours of his life. There was a sense of liberation; it was both soothing and exciting at the same time. Nothing else in the world mattered. Maybe that’s what they said true love felt like, except that he was supposed to be having these feelings towards the female member of his species, not this glowing bright light. He was drawn towards it, mesmerised.

Eeeeeeeennnnnhhhhhhhhhh

He was at peace.

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The applied sciences department at Mosquit Institute of Technology is perhaps the foremost research institute in the world. Here a dedicated team of highly skilled mosquitoes work day and night inventing various innovative ways to counter the weapons that humans take months to conceptualise in a matter of one or two days, sometimes just a few hours.

You see, unlike what subsequent human populations have been led to believe by their scientists, mosquitoes are not “only” dependent on evolution as a means to fight their (humans’) inventions. Evolution takes months sometimes years in introducing a resistant species. Hence, the research labs.

Lead scientist, Dr. Stinger had seen a lot in the 38 hours of his life. But now near the end of his career, he finally had something to contribute to the society. This was his chance to be immortalised in the glorious history of Mosquit. If he could somehow pull it off, he would be an instant celebrity.

“Electrocution, that’s the latest the humans have thrown at us”, announced the Lead-scientist. “Now get to work. Jimmy, I want a report on the economic viability of applying electrical insulation to counter the Electric racquet. Ask the special ops to send an agent to get the specifications of the electric racquet.”

Just then, an orderly flew inside the meeting room and hurried towards the veteran doctor...

“Sir, King Monty has ordered a team to accelerate the production of gas masks and start distributing them to everyone...”

“King Monty is a fool", countered Stinger. “Gas masks are meant for protection against air-borne chemicals, they won’t work here. Ask him to let the professionals handle the job. I want absolutely no interference from the palace in this matter.”

"All right, Mandy, start testing various rubbers and plastics for the perfect material for insulation. Remember, this is not a theoretical exercise, so do not waste your time with higher molecular mass or poisonous plastics."

"Jack, tell the physics department to look into using water to neutralise these new devices and ask the Commander of the Special ops to meet me immediately with his finest agents. If all fails we need some strategy to damage the whole device using water."

“Ummm, sir, I think we can use Polaroids here to reduce the intensity of the bright light emitted by the Electric Bug Zapper that is incident on a mosquito’s eyes. This might be able to insensitize our eyes from the radiation...”

“Perfect, order a dozen eye shields with Polaroids. Start testing immediately. That may do the trick...”

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“Sir, the insulation has been tested. Subject was able to survive without losing balance mid-flight when we tried poly propylene. As for the Bug zappers, the Polaroids are working fine for the moment, though there are some issues with reduced sense of direction during the night due to decreased intensity of incident light.”

“Well, leave it at that. Even the humans can’t see in the dark so It doesn't really matter.Mission accomplished. Good work, team. It was an honour working with you.”

He finally heaved a sigh of relief. Another crisis averted.

The Incidental Criminal

He was sleeping when they came to get him. When he opened his eyes, he saw a very large bug putting away what seemed like a complex gun(like those in Men in Black) back in a case. Was he being kidnapped by aliens? He looked around. He seemed to be in his bedroom, only that the room and everything inside it seemed a lot bigger, or was it he who had become small? He looked closely on his handlers; they quite oddly seemed to look like....THUMP !!!

It seemed like an elaborate courthouse, like the ones in Ekta Kapur’s daily soaps. He was sitting handcuffed in a chair. On a pedestal was sitting an old looking bug (looked like a mosquito) surrounded by a host of other “official looking” mosquitoes. The mosquitoes were so big, that he could distinctly see each of their body parts, right from the needle like stinger to suck blood, to the patterns on their wings. How did the mosquitoes get so big? Or was it he who became so small? Hey that seemed familiar. So, he was not in a dream after all, the mosquitoes had shrunk him with that complex gun and brought him here. But why?

Judge: “Order in the court!!!”

“Mr. Payoj Gupta, you have been charged with the killing of 54 mosquitoes including 12 innocent males and 6 young mosquitoes within a space of just three days. Do you have anything to say in your defence?”

PG: “Excuse me sir, but you are a mosquito right?”

Judge: “Yes, mister, you can be sure of that.”

PG: “And you are some sort of a-a judge or something?”

Judge: “Yes, indeed, and now that I think of it, you could perhaps plead being delusional. So, do you plead guilty to the charges levelled against you or not?”

“Okay, I am indeed in a trial. Come on get a hold on yourself !”, he thought to himself.

PG: “I shall plead not guilty, sir, that is, your honour.”

He silently thanked his mother for subjecting him to Ekta Kapur’s soaps for so many years.

Prosecution: “Your honour, the man standing in front of us has been identified by 5 relevant mosquito authorities for going on a rampage, killing away unsuspecting mosquitoes well beyond the “allowable limit”. His crimes being numerous in number and heinous in nature naturally qualify the death sentence by a "female Anopheles" mosquito bite.”

PG: “Your honour, I would like to plead ignorance of laws against killing mosquitoes, and thus, innocence.”

Prosecution: “My lord, it is very clear and anonymously agreed in the human laws that crimes against any animate living being without provocation are punishable under law, and since every human is considered a literate in the human laws, he cannot claim ignorance of laws in this court.”

PG: “But your honour, I didn't kill said mosquitoes without provocation, the act was in self-defence.”

Prosecution: “And what harm pray tell, did you expect the mosquitoes would have caused you?”

PG: “My lord, apart from the physical discomfort and chances of infection in my blood, the emotional trauma and sleep deprivation caused as a result of mosquito bites should be a strong enough motive for me to take preventive measures.”

Judge: “The court agrees with the human’s logic.”

Prosecution: “Your honour, even if we accept the human’s apparent motives on their face value, is it not a bit extreme to kill away all prospective biters instead of perhaps using some other non-violent means? Does this not perhaps show a degree of contempt against the mosquitoes as a species on the human’s part?”

PG: “My Lord, the prosecution is suggesting that I wait for the mosquito, whom I know has a strong likelihood of biting me eventually, to bite me before I attempt to take any corrective measure, which in this case sadly was terminating the threat altogether.”

Prosecution: “But, My Lord, the act of killing male and young mosquitoes who posed no threat whatsoever to the human cannot be vindicated.”

PG: “Your Honour, I am deeply apologetic for killing off innocent mosquitoes while securing my habitat, but in my defence, I couldn't really differentiate between the two as with my eyesight, I can only differentiate mosquitoes from flies, not categorise them with their age and sex.”

Judge: “Hmmm...Does the prosecution have any further argument? “

“Okay, then. After much deliberation, the court has reached the conclusion, that even though it was not a deliberate act of commission on the part of the human as far as the mass-killings are concerned, the court cannot simply let the culprit free of all charges. So, as a prerogative for future trials of this nature, and in order to set an example both among the human and mosquito societies, the court orders that this human, Mr. Payoj Gupta, be bitten by the “expert biter mosquito” carrying a diluted protozoa solution multiple times immediately.”

“The court is adjourned. Next case, Rabid Longstring vs the Union of Mosquit.”

He was horrified. It was one thing when they bit him while he was hundreds of times larger than them, but this did not seem right. He closed his eyes as the sinister-looking mosquito approached. He silently laughed at that last thought. Only yesterday, there was nothing like a cheerful mosquito for him, let alone a sinister one. He braced himself for the inevitable.

And it bit.

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“What is that on my hand?”

THUMP

“Ah, another mosquito, I thought I had killed you all last night. “

Checks the Inbox in his mobile. Another bunk.

“All right then, Back to sleep it is !!!”

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Random Mosquito 247: Chief, the convict has eliminated the expert biter.

Chief: Hmmm...Maybe we underestimated the human’s reflexes. We need someone from the special ops in this case...Contact Agent Red alpha 4.

A Lesson in Morality

As a kid, one day I brought back home a 2 rupees coin I found on my way back from school. When I showed it to my mother, she promptly told me, that we should never pick up money lying around the road (in case the person to whom it belongs to comes back looking for it). “So, should I put it back where I found it?”, I asked my mother, and she said,”No, we shall donate it in the temple”.

Years later, while entering inside the examination hall for my end semester exams, I found a Rs.50 note lying on the floor outside the hall in the mechanical department. By instinct, I left it lying there, though there was a temptation to at least put it somewhere it doesn't get under people’s shoes.

After the exam was over, while getting out of the hall, I found the Rs.50 note lying there as it is. I do not know what took over me, but within seconds, the Rs.50 note was in my hand. I stood there looking stupid. Since, I was the last one out of the exam hall, there was no one in the corridor.

Leaving the money lying there didn't seem like a good idea. Three hours was a long enough time, if the owner were aware of this, he should have come looking for it much earlier. To add to that, there were chances that someone else would take it and unlike me, use it for themselves.

I could of course submit it in the department office. But how could I be sure of what the clerk would do with that money? Also, going to office to submit a 50 rupees note for “lost and found” seemed a bit cheesy.

So, my mother’s teaching came to mind. The temple, of course. I put the note in my pocket, and came out of the department. But on reaching the temple, I couldn't get myself to put it in the donation box. How could I be sure that the money would be used for a good purpose by the temple trust? After all, there is no dearth of corruption in India, and even if the temple authorities were not corrupt, I didn't want this money getting spent on buying new clothes for a stone statue.

I didn't give it to a beggar when I reached the bus stop, as I thought that the person, to whom I give this money, though needy, will become complacent and this act will serve as a further inspiration to continue with his/her current profession of begging.

That day, when I went to sleep at night, I was dogged with self-doubt. Had I become so selfish that I couldn't find one single way to use this money, for the welfare of anyone in need? If I had given it to any of the children begging on the roads (even though I knew that they probably were under the clutches of some mafia forcing them to beg), I would have ensured at least 3-4 kids wouldn't sleep on an empty stomach. No doubt I had a troubled sleep that night.

By the next day, when I woke up, I had worked out the best solution to the problem at hand. I would give this money to someone, perhaps a daily labourer working in one of the many constructions going on in the institute. So, I decided that I would slip the money near some construction site after the exam was over.

After the exam, as I came out of the department, I saw a group of labourers cementing bricks. Just then, another thought came to mind. What if the person who ends up with this money turns out an alcoholic or uses this to buy cigarettes and such. No, that would be completely wrong. I shall not be responsible for encouraging a person into wasting money in these habits.

Just then, I saw a group of female labourers at a distance, with small kids and a few babies all around, and I knew, then, where this money belonged. I realised that anyone in the world, including myself could use such stray money in a host of immoral or wasteful ways, but a mother will always look for the well-being of her kids before any personal comfort. As I passed the group, I discreetly put the 50 rupees note in one of the cribs carrying a baby.

I was finally at peace.

Random Musing: I wonder about the state of mind of the people who draft the budget, or deal with the taxpayer's money...Don't they get overwhelmed by the enormity of responsibility bestowed on them by the millions of taxpayers, or do they cackle in secret basking in their fortunes...If even a single person working in the UPA cabinet had a tenth of the conscience that an ordinary man on the street has, the country would have been saved from such agony...

Indian media's role as the fourth pillar of Democracy

This is a compilation of a few pieces I wrote for an online debate in which I participated recently. The topic for the debate was "Indian media's role as the fourth pillar of Democracy". So here goes.

Unlike a Communist or Feudal system, where, media is mostly controlled by the state, and thus, the general public gets to hear only what their government wants them to hear; in a democracy, the media, apart from informing the public of the latest happenings in the country, has the added responsibility of being independent of the state in obtaining the correct data, and also being impartial while presenting it in public.

However, the world does not work in such an idealistic manner. For example, while the media has to sound impartial while delivering the news, it has the added responsibility of "moral conditioning" of the public. If the sample population has a skewed sex-ratio, the media not only has to inform the public of the latest figures from the Census, but also to impress upon the public, the ramifications of such a situation in the future.

To this end, media has significantly lived up to its expectations. Before going further, we should note that the term "media" doesn't end at the daily newsreaders and journalists, it expands to prime time television, movies, magazines, etc. The media has significantly helped the cause of woman empowerment, caste and religion differences, communal harmony, freedom of expression, right to information, etc.

But thats where the rosy story ends.

Over the past decade, the media has become much too powerful at a very fast pace. It is only natural for the Indian political parties, the corporates and various religious organisations to acknowledge its power as a powerful propaganda machine.

With huge amounts of money pouring in, the old plain clothed media has now become a glamorized behemoth working day and night for higher TRPs. Wherever there is huge money involved, corruption is unavoidable. This is what happened with the Indian media. And this phenomenon is more pronounced in the chic English media with more eyeballs coming from an ever expanding middle class. What started as a secular, left centered wave among a few renowned journalists has now become a statement for today’s generation of media leaders.

Today, any large-scale investment in the industrial sector towards setting up modern, state-of-the-art industrial facilities and power plants are vehemently opposed by the entire spectrum of the media. Hoards of journalists descend on the sites of the proposed projects, and, as it seems in most cases, polarise the local public as well as the country as a whole against the project in the name of agricultural land and plight of the affected farmers after their only source of livelihood is snatched away from them. No journalist ever talks about the advantages of such projects for the country as well as the indigenous populace. They won't mention the fact that the same local people will get absorbed as manpower and get better paying jobs with an assured flow of income throughout the year, as also the increase in business activity and thus creation of even more jobs in their neighbourhood, and improvement in the village infrastructure if the project goes through.

The “moral conditioning” has thus become “opinion building”, which is largely influenced by the individual journalist's interpretation of the scenario, and what should have been a private and personal decision for the common man is now razed by opinion polls and heavily biased talk shows, all run on the egos of a few distinguished journalists and money, huge money flowing in from corporates, political parties and their lobbyists.

However, all is not lost. As exemplified by the recent “Nira Radia controversy”, there are still some ethical media groups that are fearless in their journalistic duty and have exposed this nexus.

Maybe, the Indian media is in a transitory stage, into becoming more vocal about its allegiances like its western counterparts.

I think we now have a fair idea about the state of affairs in today's media, the issues that are hampering its ability to function as a strong pillar of the democracy.

This discussion holds significance in light of the fact that democracy is the soft-quality that draws the rest of the world towards us as compared to the steely grip of the communist regime on all aspects of the society and economy in China. This distinguishing feature of our country needs to be nurtured and protected at all costs for us to remain a champion of democracy in a world embroiled in recession and conflict. This puts the Indian media on the center stage as the voice, eyes and ears of the largest and the fastest growing democracy in the world. If it fails in its duty, it may have a profound effect on our global standing.

We determined the role played by the media, both positive and negative, in different situations. How in some cases it provided justice to the common man and fought the war on behalf of the man on the street against the almighty bureaucrats and politicians; and how in certain cases, perhaps in a bid to flaunt its apparent secularity or in lieu of some vested interests, it distorted facts, sensationalized news, created mass-hysteria, thus spreading hatred, and straining the communal fabric of the country.

We determined the impact of Globalisation and Liberalisation on the media, the advent of the 24 hour news, the entry of commercial aspects in reportage, display of trivial attention grabbing material and obscenity in order to boost TRPs and finally the role of lobbyists in reportage, not only influencing policy, but also public opinion.

For my part, I would suggest the following ways in order to make the media more accountable to its increased power and reach.

• For the media houses, I suggest that they start being more upfront about their loyalties, towards corporate and political parties alike. By trying to create an impression of partiality while reporting biased views suitable to individual interests and undermining other’s, they are affecting public opinion in the worst way possible. The movement has already started. A renowned journalist had recently accepted his leanings towards a particular national party. In addition to this, they should have people monitoring the content at different levels to ensure that facts are not distorted in favor of a particular individual or organization.

• As for “unbiased” media houses, they have a far greater responsibility as they have to ensure that the tone of the public discourse at no time should seem to be leaning towards a particular candidate, and if it does, proper evidence instead of random statements from the rival camp should be submitted before the public. We cannot afterall have Supreme court judges as journalists, now can we? And the most important of all, instead of planting opinion, they should let the public decide for itself on all issues based on again their own “unbiased” analysis.

• The media houses should also ensure that their editors are able to distinguish when a sensational news becomes damaging towards national interests, as was evident during the 26/11 Mumbai attack and the reportage of the Gujarat riots. In such cases, economic aspects should not be the motivation behind reportage. During national calamities, journalistic duty should be the supreme driver.

• Also, though it is matter that is for the media house to decide, and cannot be thrust by anyone, the news channels should not model themselves as entertainment channels, though it may be argued that one always has a host of other channels to fall back upon for the viewers, and in times of news shortage, they have to telecast something, broadcasting clippings from reality shows or vague sounding hysteria over the end of the world in a variety of ways, trivializes certain news that is important for the public to know.

• As for the laws, I believe that the legal framework regarding media coverage is pretty extensive especially after the 26/11 attacks. All that is needed is effective implementation without any prejudice or political calculations by the government in the said implementation. In effect, I suggest an independent public appointed authority as a watchdog for the media.

• Though it takes us away from the topic at hand, and it of course is my personal belief but I think the goverment should legalize lobbying, both corporate and political. It should be realized that lobbying is unavoidable in such a commercialized world. It will be easier for the public to ascertain intentions of both the media and politicians alike, if we know who is supporting whom. This is an established practice in the western media, and I think should be introduced in India also, for it to evolve as a democracy.

In the end, I would like to reiterate the fact that the purpose of this discussion was for the participants and the subsequent audience to better understand the role of media in shaping both our present and future civil societies rather than expecting some change on the ground. It would after all be foolish of us to expect that a mere discussion on one of thousands of ongoing debates will somehow grab the attention of the leading media houses and cause a change of heart. I presume none of us are actually in any way connected to the media to influence its policies. All of us are at the end of the day, engineers, not journalists. But we still are well-educated and responsible citizens of our country. It is prudent of us to at least be aware of the functioning of media, and make informed decisions in the future based on their analyses, not only for our own sake, but for the sake of the millions who are too busy scraping for their lives to have the luxury to ponder on such matters.

An Ode to a dear friend...

I have had many friends in the two decades of my life, but one friend stands out, more so because this friendship has stood the test of time, of irregular and uncertain communication, and yet, prospered.

Our fathers who were batch mates during their engineering days are the reason that we became friends, but our friendship endured only due to our own efforts and respective awesome personalities. I think the main reasons behind it are our extremely happy childhood memories. My earliest memories of Vyom are from our birthday parties. Those were carefree days, we would reach the other's home earlier with family, still remember playing video game at his home, as I remember it, he had quite a collection of video game cassettes, which I envy to this day. During the party, we would dance our way to the end, and after the party was over, we opened all the presents together.

Awesome fight sequence...

Thanda thanda pani...

Dancing into the night...

The Demi-dude saluting the Dudiest dude...

After all those few happy years, Vyom goes off to Assam, and that is when communication breaks off completely, for years together. The next time we met, our lives had completely changed. Now, all discussions at home were about studies, IIT, AIEEE; but that did not deter us. I do not remember us ever talking about that stuff. When we met, we would talk about everything but studies.

And that is how it has been for a very long time, we meet in intervals of 1-2 years, bond with each other, and our friendship endures. The last time we met, at 12 in the midnight, all we did for the next three hours was watch and exchange movies (From what I remember we saw Shaolin Soccer and Balls of Fury that night), play games, and then, went to sleep at 3 in the morning.

And now, our relationship has evolved as Net Buddies, as we go about terrorising our unassuming friends into submitting before the sheer awesomeness of our camaraderie.

Now, that he has joined Cognizant in Pune, and I am all set to join Linde in Vadodara, it doesn’t seem that the boundary conditions in this case are about to change anytime soon. Though we constantly keep in touch with each other through the internet, it does seem that our constantly irregular communication is the only thing on which our friendship rests even in the foreseeable future.

Note: You can find the Demi-Dude at : http://demi-dudes.blogspot.com/

Alternate fashion sense...

"Really, thats what you think matches with that shirt???" My mother bellowed for the umpteenth time, aghast at my weird and slightly eccentric fashion sense.

Honestly, I was never good with colors. Since childhood, I could barely name the 12 standard colors that came in the average crayons box. In fact, I distinctly remember that during the interview for admission to the first class in my school, though I already knew the multiplication tables till 12, I couldn't tell the interviewing teachers, the color of their saris; and even to this day, I am not sure, what the color "grey" exactly looks like.

Then, of course, there is all that fuss, which is generally thrown at me by the members of the opposite sex, how the "royal blue" is so different from the "navy blue", how, its not orange, its "orangish-yellow"; "How can you not see the difference between "magenta" and "pink" !!! Frankly, I don't care about the difference between magenta and pink, or the innumerable "blues" as long as they do not end up on the traffic signals.

So, this apparent lack of "common sense" exasperates the near and dear ones, friends and family alike, when say, I wear pink shirt with a cream colored or green trousers, to the extent that I became an overnight celebrity for a brief period in the mechanical engineering department. Yes, do you have the audacity to carry yourself in such a combination ???

However, I do not always turn up in such "out of the world" clothing; if, for example, "Odd day" is being celebrated at my college, I deliberately dress up in the most "normal" clothes that I can think of (yes, I have finally gotten the hang of the "normal" by the trial and error method), after all, thats what will make me look "odd" in the crowd of a bunch of weirdly dressed jokers (and when I say weirdly dressed, I am not being dramatic, people get very intense, to the point of tearing their clothes at strategic locations, just to look distinct from the rest) who turn up that day.

You see, unlike other people, when I open my rather significant wardrobe in the morning, I do not blindly follow latest trends in fashion set by low-on-IQ "snobs" who have made a whole industry out of it or worry about tedious color combinations...I set my own trends... I just pick out a shirt and pants whose color and texture "feels right" for the day. So, in a way, I am my own personal fashion designer.

Random Musing : I am contemplating the combination of Pink or red shirt over my yellow pants? What say you ??? Mwahahahahaha !!!

Swiss account anyone???

The recent hoopla over recovery of black money stashed in swiss accounts, resulted in rather sinister musings in the megalomaniac brain of yours truly. What if I were to open an account at some Swiss bank when I start working??? Just the thought makes me daydream. A large chunk of my hard-earned money, that would have any way gone into the security of a "delicate kitten of a man"'s journey around the country just because he is "connected" to the country's self anointed first family, will be at my disposal !!! That's Rs. 40000, just for the second year that I will work as a trainee !!!

And why should I not do it? All the illiterate morons that pass off as the who's who of our parliament get to have them. And they steal billions of tax-payer's money in their accounts and most of them are now over 70 years ! I will still be an Engineering graduate fresh out of one of the topmost institutions in the country. If anyone is eligible to hold a swiss account, thats me !!!

I have done the math, it takes an average of about 20-25 years for the government agencies to find out, exactly who got away with stashing their ill-gotten money in swiss banks. Now, since mine will be hard-earned money, so logically speaking, the government must not care about whatever small change I end up hoodwinking from the Income Tax authorities.

So, I can assume to live at least 30 years of extravagant life away from the draconian tax laws; Thirty five if I am smart, and start living in a hostile country that doesn't have an extradition treaty, or if I manage to bribe a few important people. I would have lived away the better part of my life with a large amount of money at my disposal.

After I turn 65 or 70, even if the authorities catch up with me, it won't really matter. In fact, at that age, it would be better to languish in a comfy jail at tax payer's expense (I am counting on the government to retain its wasteful credentials, and instead of upgrading critical infrastructure, will end up making jails more hospitable under pressure from human rights groups). I might also get some Bollywood film-maker to document my life !

Man, this life holds so much promise !

After that much of wishful thinking, I come back to Earth...with a thud. There is no way that the Swiss bank authorities are going to open and maintain an account with that paltry an amount. Being an honest criminal won't do, like the Cadbury Bournville, you have to "earn" the right to get such a privilege. Also, it is a known fact that like the human eye, the "visual range" of the IT officials makes them blind only to those monies exceeding at least a billion dollars...

Argh...the misfortune of being a common man ...:(

Random Musing:

What if, taking cue from the politicians of our country, all the Indians started stashing away their hard-earned money in the swiss banks !!!

The Life Of Payoj Prime

Author's note: Though this post may reinforce your idea of an exponential rise in my insanity, I like to believe this as to be my evolution as a writer.

There is a theory that hypotheses the existence of an infinite number of parallel universes with different sets of realities as compared to your universe.

In another such universe from where I write, Payoj woke up in the morning in his compartment at 7:30 a.m. After getting ready for college, he stepped out of his Trome (a residential train), on to the 1547 Trabe ( a transitory train meant for transport and other time consuming activities like breakfast and gossip) waiting outside. He reached his daily spot and had breakfast with his friends. When the train reached his engineering institute, he along with his friends bundled out.

Payoj comes from a middle class background. That means his family can afford a few mid-sized compartments in a good trome. There are an average of 40 families living in a standard trome. Of course, my universe is not unaffected from the influences of power and money, so there are indeed people with sufficient wealth to own their own tromes and move about on their own whims, while the poor people who cannot afford the high rents and prices of upscale tromes live in government run temporary tromes with negligible personal space that are regularly filled beyond their capacities and are known breeding grounds of criminals in my universe.

You see unlike your universe, where man stopped being a nomad long ago, and started living in permanent buildings, in our universe, man' (to be pronounced as man prime) never really “settled down” at a single place. Instead of waking up, traveling to work, and coming back home, they preferred to rest while their “homes” did the traveling. So, in the morning their homes would drop them off to work and pick them up in the evening. This activity required a lot of horses working continuously in the beginning, but with advancement of technology, we today have a pretty effective system.

We have trains for almost any and every purpose, for which your people end up building permanent stationary structures. So, if one has to go shopping for vegetables and other household items, they just get out of their trome, board a crain ( a commercial train), do the shopping, and through a trabe ( a transitory train), get back to their trome. At one point our planners even flirted with the idea of completely doing away with permanent buildings except for industries and factories, but as it further complicated the already complex rail network, the design was phased out after only a few trials.

While my counterpart in your universe thinks of us as lazy creatures "who do not want to get out of their homes, and travel to work on their own", I believe that this is a pretty efficient arrangement, with people giving higher productivity and man’ hours, as a result of saving a lot of time in traveling. This arrangement also avoids losses of life in road accidents unlike your universe, and superior fuel economy, with our efficient low-on-fuel, transportation. This system also leaves us with large tracts of land with sufficient scope for massive industrialization, and if we are able to succeed in application of the the superconductor technology, needless to say, our world will be revolutionized. Still, I personally respect your world's rather tall and artistic buildings, though befuddled by your penchant for spending so much time traveling over large distances to and from work, when you could rest like us here.

Ah, it seems we have reached my trome, I must hurry, else I will have to take another trabe. Farewell.

The year that wouldn't be—A Random Bumblings initiative

Another new year goes by. I suspect most of you celebrated the occasion with friends and family at some sort of a New Year party. Well, I was at my unadventurous best, writing this article. Before indulging in this exciting activity, I was watching the movie “Alice in Wonderland” on TV. In fact, against the usual meaning of adventure associated with trekking, climbing, traveling and such; during the course of a typical day for the last four years, running against time to catch the bus is as adventurous as my life ever gets. All this goes on to prove that the world is yet to come up with such an excuse for celebration that can force me out of my separatist ways.

Now, that we are done with the small talk, let me torture you with my absolutely sane and reasonable musings.

The year that wouldn't be (or would it, you can never be so sure these days):

• Manmohan Singh will lip sync to Sunny Deol's thunderous voice, in order to assure the country that he indeed is the boss and not a terrified pussy.

• In a sensational Wikileaks revelation, it will be reported and later confirmed by leading scientists of the world that black holes were actually experiments conducted jointly by the CIA and NASA in order to invent the ultimate shredder and save crucial national security documents from  the almighty and omniscient Assange. Obviously, the leaks will prove that the shredded information could be recreated, thus proving Stephen Hawking's long held belief.

• During a crucial trust vote in the parliament, several opposition MPs will bring bags full of onions as evidence of attempted “Horse-trading” by agents of the ruling party in return for their votes. This incident, better known as “the Oniongate” will catapult onions as a legitimate alternative to paper-based currency. In a related development, Pakistan will emerge as the market leader in the production of counterfeit onions.

• Rahul Gandhi will inadvertently sing “soft kitty” in response to a question from Arnab Goswami during a public debate. Arnab's subsequent emotional response to said song will give the expression “crying like a girl” a whole new meaning. This amazing “speech” will finally convince the world of Mr. Gandhi's unique and glorious vision of India.

• Said kitties, under the universal banner of “Kitties For Justice” will file a lawsuit against Rahul Gandhi for using their franchise for personal profit without obtaining the necessary copyright for the same.

• Arundhati Roy will stand up against the alleged torture and violence against said kitties as ordered by the government to “restrain” them. Senior Lawyer Ram Jethmalani will of course claim Rahul Gandhi as to be innocent, and accuse media of being biased and creating unnecessary hype over a case under trial. BJP will call for Rahul Gandhi's inexperience as a national leader and claim that singing “soft kitty” exhibits a lack of knowledge about Indian culture and disrespect towards the thousands of poems in Hindi and other local Indian languages.

• In a seemingly bizarre and dramatic turn of events, I will end up as President of the United States, and will finally succeed in my plan of world domination. As would later be found out, this event and the accompanying chaos that I unleash will be the catastrophe the Mayans had predicted, that will ultimately lead to worldwide destruction in 2012.

• At the end of the year, Digvijay Singh will opine that all the stuff as described above was somehow (based on certain mysterious conversations with the Muggle equivalents of “The Unspeakables” and as of now unavailable evidence) a conspiracy hatched by the RSS.

A desperate note to all the above mentioned celebrities:

Please don't sue me. I meant no disrespect. Honest :P (The last expression is only meant to reinforce my sincerity and “should not be misinterpreted” as to be pointing towards some other widely popular sms expression)

If you do sue me, I will blame all of it on the movie "Alice in Wonderland" and my favorite character "the Mad Hatter" that caused the insanity that I had been harboring deep inside myself to finally spill out into the open. 

I may also claim that my body has been infested by an eccentric alien who actually believes that all this is funny, but since it may be difficult to scientifically prove that without tearing me apart in an invasive, near fatal surgical procedure, I may not go forward with that course of action.

By the way, a very Happy New Year to all of you.

Making "sense" of humor : It ain't funny

Some people are born funny, others have to work hard to make themselves seem funny to others. Unlike popular perception, I belong to the second category. I have developed this ability after exhaustive observation of people's reactions to various forms of humor.



It may seem to you that I am making unnecessary brouhaha over as light a topic as humor, but the truth is, while it is no rocket science, it is dangerous enough to cause wars. Humor is always at the expense of someone. If not thought through, it may as well be termed bullying. It should thus always be treated with extreme caution. Things can get very ugly, people though they may not express it, do get hurt deep down, so your safest target is your self.




The various nuances of Humor.

Let us see, if I can make you into a harmless funny person in a few simple lessons.



A friend recently asked me to tell a joke. I was at a loss. People should understand that I am just a situational humorist, not a stand-up comedian. The requirements of both are vastly different. While a situational humorist looks for humor in real-time day-to-day life, a comedian has more to deal with the presentation aspect as well as the occasion and decide on the type, length, and flow of the joke. So, the first lesson is, know what you are aiming for. You either memorize excellent jokes and present them or find little funny things in your daily life. Personally, I suck as a comedian.



If you want to be funny or humorous, you first need to be insightful; you need to anticipate what kind of humor works for a particular person, what works universally, and when you start getting good at it, people eventually start finding, rather looking for jokes in whatever you say or do.



Self deprecating humor: Self-criticism is the best and safest bet at humor. However, open-minded your audience may be, nothing serves their egos better than the feeling of apparent domination over anyone (in this case the humorist).

Another thing to be kept in mind with self criticism is that it should almost always be accompanied by a tongue-in-cheek reference to your apparent pride and happiness in said humor. This keeps your humor balanced and avoids reinforcement of your image as an evergreen crybaby.

This logic also holds while making fun at the expense of someone else. He/she should feel a smallest amount of pride from the humor and thus you avoid an extra person carrying a grudge against you.

For example, when I inadvertently tell you how a 7 year old trumped me in a verbal fight, or beat me up, I am not only making fun of myself having lost to a relative toddler, thus fueling your ego (in terms of strength, tact or assertiveness, really depends on the subject), but also, exhibiting maturity and patience, endearing personality traits that are universally appreciated.




Repetition is a very important aspect in humor. It creates a stereotype for the humorist that connects him to the audience by its recall factor. But one should be very careful while using a stereotype. When done rarely, it loses its recall value through which the subject connects with you, and if you fall back on it excessively, it will affect the innovation factor in your humor which will again adversely affect your popularity.




Brand of humor: I personally avoid adult references in my humor, but it really depends on the age group you mostly interact with. It also has to do with the personality that you exhibit. But my view is that, a few subtle references apart, one's "Humor Quotient" should be strong enough that you don't feel the need to fall back on the A-rated.


In a nutshell, I am very good at making very simple things into complex demons with large technical words and seemingly logical intricacies.

No, you picked the wrong nutshell !!!

What I mean to say is that if you are a standard wimp like I used to be, you will be better off as a methodical humorist. Though it is not difficult to be funny otherwise, what I have just illustrated is a safe and proven way. It really is a balancing act and an art. Finally, it is up to you if to you if you end up being rude or downright boring. Until then, enjoy your laughs !!!

Random Revisited

Welcome all to The All New Random Musings. As you must have noticed, I have backed up all the past posts (as well as your comments) in this new blog.



But what was the need for a new blog? Did I write something wrong in the previous one?



As a matter of fact I did. You see, over the past year I had shared my views on economy, politics, religion, science and life in general, but none of those articles justified my use of the term "dudiestdude" for the web address. It was merely a publicity stunt, one that had run out of its utility for a long time now. So, I present you with Payojism. A rather subtle title, compared to the downright "funky" dudiest dude.



Without further ado, Happy Reading!!!

Moving towards a Two Party Democracy

The past few weeks have been the most testing for the Indian polity since a very long time. With various central and state governments accused of corruption charges, Indian media has justifiably feasted on this "Scams Galore". However, the fact that has eluded the attention of many in this whirlwind, is the steady decline of the regional parties in India. This, above any other recent development may hold much more significance to India's future as a democracy as I shall to try to explain.

For the last two decades, the rise of regional parties in various major states like UP, Maharashtra, Bihar, Andhra Pradesh, Tamil Nadu has made coalition politics a necessity in the formation of both State and Central governments. Prominent among them have been BSP, SP, RJD, LJP, JD(U), DMK, AIADMK, Shiv Sena, and many others. The presence of these parties, though arose from the need for regional representation at the Indian parliament, has now lost significance, mostly due to their ineffectiveness in addressing their regions' problems. The problem lies here. They are neither too big like the Congress or the BJP to command equivalent funds from the corporates to fuel their national ambitions or expansions, nor are they small enough to be completely irrelevant. In a coalition, they slow down the decision making process, while, their comparatively short stature-ed ministers siphon off money, while they can (as a part of the coalition) hampering national interest in the process, as has amply been shown in case of Raja.

But recent developments seem promising. It is perhaps for the first time in the last two decades that most of the major regional parties seem to be at their weakest at the same time. With parties like SP routed in the 2009 Lok Sabha elections; RJD, LJP wiped out in the recent Bihar elections; DMK facing the same fate in Tamil Nadu, Shiv Sena already weak in Maharashtra after the rise of MNS; it seems the days of regional parties are numbered. If Mayawati loses the next elections in UP, it will serve as the final nail in the coffin of such parasitic parties. Such a scenario will not only ensure the blocking of funds from corporate houses to these parties, but also weakening of their influence. If the Congress and the BJP play right, they can effortlessly fill this power vacuum. By absorbing genuine leaders, they can check the smaller parties' influence, while strengthening their own ranks.

So, does that mean, an end to regional representation? Will it lead to undermining regional interests?

No. This will give us an opportunity to have corporate sponsored regional think-tanks which will act as lobbyists both at the center and within the two main parties. This will not only depoliticize regional interests but also bring "Lobbying" which is right now a shady business in our power corridors, in to the mainstream. This will make decision making immune to caste and religion based politics, and shift the focus towards the economy, job creation, inflation etc.

Above all, this will be the maturing of the Indian democracy, with two well defined Left and Right parties.

This may come as the first step to what I think will be a more productive and efficient governance system which can then be nudged towards Meritocracy. Read: An Alternate System of Governance: Meritocracy

A Monument to Secularity and Tolerance in Ayodhya

With all parties involved in the age old Ayodhya dispute preparing to lock horns in the Supreme Court, claiming the entire property as their own, it seems another generation of Indians will go along, fighting each other over the question of Temple or Mosque. Moreover, the possibility of the verdict going in the favor of a single community will only raise tensions and make matters worse. On the other hand, if the Supreme Court, like the Allahabad High Court gives a carefully balanced verdict after a long drawn-out war, with the scales tilting in the favor of no one in particular, the religious leaders will again be tempted to file fresh appeals. The country, in effect will be sucked into an endless cycle of apprehension and tension.

The religious leaders and the Central government alike must realise that a matter like Ayodhya, that borders more on faith than on actual land ownership, can not be solved in a court of law. What we need is a pragmatic shift in out attitude towards such disputes. I propose, a Monument to Secularity, on the disputed ground.

In the past, there have been many voices, suggesting construction of hospitals or universities in the disputed area, but I beg to differ. A hospital or a university can be built in any part of the country. We should not need the excuse of a long standing unresolvable dispute to build world class medical or educational facilities for our citizens. Building a hospital may solve the issue for good, as no one in their right mind will oppose it, but it would not do justice to the issue itself, over which thousands have lost their lives, and that has been in the Indian psyche for so many generations.

So, a monument to secularity, a modern temple of faith, that would simultaneously serve the purpose of inter-faith worship, as well as a museum depicting all the major religions of the world and their philosophies, yet displaying the vibrancy of our nation and the Tolerance and Mutual Respect among our people is what we need.

To further make my point, this will serve as a great PR exercise in reinforcing the Secular credentials of our country, besides propelling Ayodhya into a major tourist destination and helping boost the stagnant local economy. Additionally, Our country has not had an iconic structure built since the Lotus temple in Delhi. For too long have we been relying on the Taj Mahal, it is time that we move on to something new, that better describes India's character, and I think such a monument has the best chance of doing just that.

No more games in Delhi

After the recently concluded near-disaster that was the CWG games, the government has made up its mind to bid for other international sporting events too. The economic viability of such a decision notwithstanding, I am curious as to why New Delhi, the national capital gets to be the undisputed contender for hosting such large scale events within the country. First there were the Asian Games of 1982, then the Commonwealth games 2010. And now they are preparing to bid for the next Asian games and Olympics, again with Delhi as our representative.

First of all, we must understand the reason behind hosting such events. These events not only generate revenue in terms of tourism for the host nation, they also bring the country into the limelight for being able to manage such large-scale events. It is also a chance to modernise infrastructure of the host country by means of financing of major projects which leads to exponential growth in the reality sector of the host city. Also, since this infrastructure is permanent, it also serves the long term goal of better public amenities. Coupled with the tremendous scope for job generation in the days leading to and during these events, governments are naturally tempted to host such events. For example, the Beijing Olympics were seen as the rise of China as the next potential superpower with its imposing infrastructure and iconic stadia.

The above picture looks very rosy indeed, but things do not always work out the way planned. For example, It has long been stipulated that the continuing financial crisis in Greece has more to do with overspending of the country's feeble resources on the Athens Olympics. And far from showcasing India as a suitable destination for international investors and realtors alike, the CWG have only succeeded in reinforcing the image of a corrupt India. So these games need to be planned extremely carefully as they can have serous repercussions in the future.

Getting back to the point.

After the widely successful Beijing Olympics, China held the World Expo in Shanghai and plans to organise the Asian games in Guangzhou. They are giving each of their regions a chance at becoming international destinations, with modern and elegant infrastructure. If all the Indian government wants is to “cultivate sporting culture” in India, why can’t India be represented by cities like Bangalore, Ahmedabad, Pune, etc? Why does it always come down to the capital or the four over-crowded metros?

So, what is so attractive about Delhi that our decision makers are hell bent at organising every major event in the national capital? According to recent reports, the revenue expected by the organising committee at the end of the games was never met, while there were frequent cost overruns with corruption and scams galore. But perhaps that exactly is the reason why they do everything they do in the capital. It must be easier whisking away taxpayer's money from where it all ends up eventually(Sarcasm intended).

Can Windmills cause Global Cooling???

During another one of my now frequent brain storming sessions, where I think about everything from the upcoming harry Potter flick, to the electro magnetic pulses generated as a result of a Nuclear explosion, I made a rather startling observation. Wind power which is touted as one of the most promising alternative source of energy, might actually have long term consequences on the regional weather and may be even climate.

Winds, as we all know, are caused mainly by differential heating of Earth, so they can be imagined as agents taking energy (heat) from the hot regions (near the equator which receive maximum solar radiation)towards the poles. Similarly there are seasonal winds and local ones near large water bodies, where they are produced due to high specific heat of water, which makes sure that there is always a temperature gradient during the day and night(Wind blows from the water body towards the Land during day, and vice versa during the night). There are also localized forms, where vertical winds are produced due to high temperature at the sea level compared to higher altitudes.

Now, a wind turbine taps the Kinetic energy of the wind (which is in turn a function of the temperature gradient across which wind flow is taking place). So, at the outlet, the wind will have significantly less speed as compared to the upstream of the turbine. So, for this subdued wind to reach its destination (where it would have reached had there not been a wind turbine), the wind will have to absorb the heat from the downstream of the wind mill. And there we have it, the wind mill has resulted in localized regional cooling.

So, let us assume that we install a sufficient number of wind turbines near, say a coastline. So by above logic, wind flowing from the sea towards the surface will loose a major part of its energy at the turbine(where we are harnessing this energy to produce electricity), and will absorb heat from the surface in the turbines's downstream to renew its onward journey. So, we are seeing a localized cooling effect (neglecting heat generated due to blade friction, which might as well cancel out the marginal cooling thus produced).

So, while also helping the cause of Green energy, the wind mills may also offset global warming.

But it should be noted that in a sufficiently large number they can also influence local weather in the immediate vicinity and the implications of any such trends can not be simplified based on just a few scientific variables.

A new Solar approach...

During one of my off late recurring sessions of black-out, where I stare at nothing in particular, thinking about vague things, I came up with the idea of using Silicon based photo voltaic cells in a new way.

We all know that Silicon being a semi-conductor (having an energy gap in between that of metals and non-metals) gets excited by a certain frequency of electro-magnetic radiation, which leads to production of holes (absence of electrons) which leads to a current in the circuit. Since, photons of visible light are able to provide this requisite energy, solar cells are used in a few commercial purposes as an alternative, clean energy source.

However, this method has one disadvantage. Due to the rotation of Earth about its axis, we do not get the electricity during night or even cloudy days, when there is no sunlight; and even during the length of a day, the orientation of the solar panels needs to be adjusted continuously to get the highest intensity of light, thus making solar energy obsolete for large scale purpose.

Which brings us to my new idea, that of using solar photo voltaic effect to produce electricity from the residual radioactivity from the fuel used in nuclear plants or spent fuel which needs to be disposed off safely, and has no use. After all, the energy carried by the Gamma rays produced as a result of radioactivity has a much higher energy (though that won't influence the amount of electricity so produced) than visual light, so it can very well be used. There are still a few loose points in this theory regarding how to maximise the intensity of the Gamma rays to an extent as to make for economical electricity production (which unlike in the case of visible light will be available round the clock and throughout the year),and if there will be some effect on the Silicon nuclei as a result of this residual radioactivity, which might affect its properties. There is also the issue of practicality of such an experiment, as maintenance of the solar panels will be difficult in such high radiation zones.

Nevertheless, I personally believe that such alternatives need to be considered if we want solar photo voltaic technology to be feasible enough for large scale purpose.

Not a party person...

After spending 3 years at the college, it will come as a surprise to many people that I have attended a total of 4 parties in the last three years, 2 of which were school affairs.

I feel helpless while formulating a valid reason to not attand a party. Not only do I have to make sure that the person concerned does not imagine apparent contempt towards their achievement from me, but also that the reason seems reasonable enough.

Having said that, it is my humble appeal to all my friends that I do not need a party for an excuse to feel happy about your achievement, I already am, and I sincerely hope that all of you succeed in your respective lives. So, please be understanding when I quite unceremoniously or bluntly tell you that I won't attend your job or b'day treat. Nor do I feel the need to throw an exorbitant party, just to make you feel good about my accomplishment. So, if I ever do give a party, it will be a decidedly small affair, most probably in the eternally cheap canteen.

If it is of interest to you, when I was young, I used to celebrate my b'day 3-4 times a year, as a one year wait seemed a bit too long to me. But over the years, I have transitioned into a completely different person. I am uncomfortable in very large gatherings (more than 8-9 people) as it becomes difficult to process all that information at one go. I do not generally dance in large crowds(I do not think of it as dance, some people just keep on jumping at a single spot, while others make wierd gestures with their limbs). So, logically speaking there is not much for me to do at a party.

The following lines may sound as if coming from an obnoxious person and a protectionist economist. I am sure most of my friends will not agree with most of the stuff, as they hold emotional value in much high regard over anything materialistic. But this is a no holds barred narrative, so bear with me. And for the record, I am a supporter of free market economy.

I feel that partying is the most inefficient way of splurging hard-earned money. It does not involve possession of any hard commodity so it does not have any intrinsic physical value. Though I agree, it does fuel demand for the ever-expanding Hospitality industry, I would rather prefer Foreign income in the form of Tourism instead of recirculation of Domestic currency. This may sound protectionist as it invariably supports a decrease in economic activity, and a higher savings rate, these are my real views on the phenomenon of partying.

I am also sceptical (as is my favourite screen character Mr. Sheldon Cooper) of the institution of Gift giving. Not only is it a tedious and wasteful enterprise, it involves careful analysis of the physical and emotional needs of a person better understood by the individual himself. So, I would prefer if instead of spending on a party, you would spend your money on something that you hope to buy for yourself some day.

That being said, do party hard. You have my best wishes!!!